old – In my world

Christmas balls, stars and light part 13 — Made with Canva

Day 13

When I was a kid, my bestie was a girl I knew from kindergarten, and we went to school in the same class. Since today is Saint Lucia’s Day (a Scandinavian tradition), I mentioned that when I was in kindergarten, it was time to pick who Lucia would be; they chose her because she had long blond hair. I was upset because I wanted to be Lucia. My hair wasn’t long enough, but I could be the second Lucia without the crown. My bestie was the best choice, though.

Unfortunately, my bestie moved to another city after first grade. She called me later, but I didn’t want to talk to her. It wasn’t her fault her parents got a job in another city, but I was still upset I lost my bestie. I had friends after that, but it wasn’t the same—not when calling someone a bestie. You don’t get best friends when you become an adult. At least you don’t call them that. I wouldn’t have kept in touch with my bestie anyway. I’m not good at keeping in touch with people. We wouldn’t have anything in common. That ship has sailed decades ago. A lot of things can happen during that time. Who knows if she’s even alive anymore.

Some people look for old friends or relatives, but I’m not interested in the past. I prefer looking forward instead. Why would I want to anyway? They don’t care about me, so why would I care for them? Not even current ones have much time to keep in touch. They have busy lives, and they don’t have time for chit-chat. Maybe a greeting at Christmas or a birthday, but that’s about it. My bestie right now is myself, and who else knows about yourself than you.

brown floor board — Photo by FWStudio on Pexels.com

Reposting about photogenic.

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Originally posted on January 19, 2016

Can’t Stand Me

When I read the daily post subject of today I thought it was about what you dislike about yourself. But when I saw it’s about what’s worse, hearing your own voice or seeing yourself on video, it’s almost right.
I would say my voice. It’s OK when I talk and record my voice but when I hear it in something else, then it’s horrible. I heard my voice on the radio once when I won a competition and I sounded like my mother. That’s the least thing you want to sound like. When I answered a phone, the person on the other end thought I was her. It was not the sound of her voice, the problem was I sounded like her. Like twins. I wanted a voice of my own. Sometimes I hate my voice. I can barely listen to myself when I’m at my worse.

It’s not that unbearable when it comes to seeing myself on video. I was on TV once and I wasn’t as horrified as when I see myself on photos. That’s even worse. That’s a reason I don’t post selfies and photos where you can see me. I prefer being behind the camera. I’m just not that photogenic. When I see myself in photos as an adult, the voice in my head says, ugly. It was different when I was a kid. I was cute then. I don’t know what happened. Adding a photo of myself to a CV terrifies me. I avoid every single photo of me as much as I can. I rather let people see me in real life than in photos or videos.