Blowing one’s horn

Musicians blowing in traditional German horns
Musicians blowing in traditional German horns by Markus Spiske is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Blowing my own horn is not my thing. That must be one of the reasons why I can’t find a job. I don’t know how to brag about myself. It’s also a Finnish thing. We’re not good at it. It’s also an introvert thing. We don’t want to brag about ourselves and make ourselves something special. We like to be low key. But that doesn’t seem to be acceptable in the world. You’re nothing if you don’t want to blow your own horn. It shouldn’t be that way. We should be allowed to be ourselves and not pretend to be something we’re not. Some people seem to have problems with quiet people. Only because you don’t want to be a blabbermouth doesn’t mean you’re strange. Listening to people talk about things you don’t care about is stressful. Noisy people have the same effect.

Because I don’t want to blow my own horn, I don’t know if I could be a good entrepreneur. You need to be a lot of different things. A marketing person, a salesperson, a public speaker and someone who doesn’t give up easily. Most importantly, be good enough at what you do. Maybe it’s only me who thinks I’m good at something. Perhaps the reason why I won’t get hired is that I’m not good enough. They instead take someone with natural talent. I don’t have an impressive portfolio, and I don’t have what the employers are looking for. I’m not confident in blowing my own horn. No matter what I post on social media, I get some likes and sometimes nothing. If I don’t get much attention in my personal accounts, how can I get it on the business one? If I get any comments, it’s usually spam. I wouldn’t trust anyone. I feel it’s unnecessary work if I promote things on social media. It’s not easy to be ignored as a job seeker or/and an entrepreneur. I don’t know how to say something about myself or what I can do. At least when it comes to making it to words. It’s incredible how things disappear from your head when you should think about them. It has nothing to do with memory problems. I tend not to think about complicated stuff like that.

Maybe I’ve chosen the wrong path when it comes to careers. It seems you need to blow your own horn because the competition is tough. There are so many people in the design business, and I don’t know how to stand out. Maybe my destiny is to be without a job. I never wanted an ordinary job, but it has backfired. Only because I don’t know how to blow my own horn.

An ordinary childhood turned to tears

two girls from the back
Pixabay

I had an ordinary childhood. We were a 4 member family who lived in an apartment building. We went on trips, had birthday parties, had friends, spent time with grandmothers, had disagreements and so on. We didn’t have any pets since my sister was allergic. It was a good childhood for me. But things wouldn’t stay the same. We as a family had to go through a tough period which is something not everyone has to go through. One part of my childhood ended in tears. My sister got sick and she was only 10 years old. Life wasn’t the same after that. My mother took care of her. We spent a lot of times in the hospital which is the reason I don’t like them to this day. I was only 6 years old so I don’t remember much. I remember bits of it. Some of the hospital visits and when she was home. Also something about her last days or so. One memory of it was that she couldn’t swallow food anymore so she had to be fed through a tube. I can imagine how my parents felt for losing their child like that. Seeing a loved one fade away is the hardest thing. No one should go through it.
We went to Europe after she passed away to recover. We were somewhere in Austria when the head of my doll fell off and I cried like it had been a real person. I think that was my way of mourning even if I didn’t know it at the time. I remember it like it was yesterday. The head of the doll was put back on so that wasn’t a serious “injury”

When you go through this kind of things in your childhood, it affects the rest of your life. When other have problems with their siblings, I think, at least they got one. They don’t know how it feels like to grow up without one. I’m sure I would have been a totally different person if my sister was still alive. On the other hand, if I wouldn’t have gone through it, I couldn’t sympathise with someone who’s lost a loved one the same way I do now. You learn that life is not always they way you want it to be. Nothing shouldn’t be taken granted. All you can do is grow as a human and enjoy all the small things life gives you.

I’m glad I had a childhood. There are children who have it worse. Today they have to grow up faster and that causes problems. Kids should have the right to play outside without having to carry their smartphones with them. It seems modern technology has made people lazy and it’s infecting the kids too. I played outside a lot when I was a kid. Today parents are worried something will happen to their children so they don’t let them go anywhere alone. But it is understandable because the world is not as safe as it was when I was a kid. I wouldn’t want to be one now. My childhood was safe. The first time I went to the store by myself, I was only 3 years old. I could only carry one milk carton though 😀 You couldn’t let someone that young go anywhere alone today. Even though my childhood turned to tears, it was still a happy time. I’m still here and I survived. That’s what matters the most.

Life has its ups and downs. Like in ‘Rollercoaster‘ by Bon Jovi. Life is a rollercoaster and not a merry-go-round. I like the latter better because drama makes life stressful when there’s a lot of that. Would be nice to have something good once in a while but you have to deal with the cards you get. It’s all the small things that make life worth living and that’s something everyone deserves to know.