Today, it’s 11 years since my mother died. It was 2013. I started this blog in January of the following year because I wanted to write down my thoughts. Some people meditate; I write. Writing has always been my way of expression. Before, it was a diary; now, it’s a blog. I couldn’t meditate, trying to empty my head from thoughts. I’m an introvert, and my mind won’t stop thinking even during the night. Sometimes, it feels like no one cares what I write, but I still do it. It’s a bonus if someone likes what I write. Blogging should be fun, and what else to do than write about the things you like to do or things you want to share. Since my parents have passed away, who else should I tell my thoughts to, if not through blogging?
Next year, I have to remember my dad’s death day, too. Time goes fast when you think about it. Life must continue, but never stop remembering the good things that were. My parents taught me many things that are still useful to me, and I’m grateful for that.
The journey to the end of the year 2024 is going on. The year wasn’t the way I thought it would. My dad died, and that’s something I didn’t think would happen so soon. I hoped he would have lived as long as possible, but you don’t always get what you want. I didn’t think my mother would have passed away at 68 years of age. On Sunday, it’s been 11 years. You don’t think about the day your parents die when you’re younger. You only live your life, and you don’t think about it. I had classmates who lost one of their parents when they were in school, but I never thought I would lose mine as early as I did. It doesn’t matter what age you are; losing a loved one is never easy. You might as well be 5 years old. Except when you’re older, you know what it means. When I lost my big sister in 1983, I was only 6 years old, and luckily, I didn’t remember much about it. My dad used to say that I was smiling more before her death. It does change your whole life when you’re at the start of it. It’s tough, especially for the parents, to lose a child. We took a trip to Europe to get past the sorrow. We went to Germany, the Italy-Austrian Alps, Denmark and Switzerland. It was cheaper because I travelled for free. It was possible in the 1980s, and I don’t think you can do that anymore. Getting away was one way to handle grief. You get other things to think about.
I have to make my journey on Earth without them. I still have good memories of them and can always return to photos and videos. I believe things happen for a reason. When you experience life challenges, you get mentally stronger. You need to because life goes on, and you make the most of it. The loved ones want you to move on because life is for the living. There is a time and place for everything. My next journey is the Christmas cruise to Tallinn, which I’m looking forward to. It will be different without Dad. At least I don’t need to ask anyone else where to go.
I won’t collapse, even though yesterday’s post didn’t get likes immediately. There can be many reasons, which doesn’t necessarily mean it was terrible. I’m good at keeping it together. There are worse things in the world than no one liking something. Despite being active on social media, I don’t get many likes and even less comments. But I post anyway. Sometimes, people find old posts that were posted ages ago. You never know what happens when you’re on the internet. One thing that I’m good at is keeping things together, and I don’t collapse when things get tough. Life’s disappointments make you stronger, and you can take the heat a little better.
The other four things I’m good at are as follows. Two of them are thanks to my late parents.
Cooking and baking
I used to help my mother in the kitchen. That way, I learned how to cook and bake. It had been a big help. My dad didn’t cook, so I cooked for the both of us after my mother died. Sometimes, I try new recipes, and sometimes I succeed, but sometimes I do not. For example, I once tried to make chocolate cheesecake, but it became all gooey and too sweet. I followed the recipe to the letter, but still, it failed. I have more success in cooking a meal. If I like the food I tried for the first time, I cook them again. Now, when I’m alone, I’m a little lazy to cook, so I either order takeout or buy microwave food. But a home-cooked meal is always better, so I still do that. It’s less expensive to cook your own food. I should learn to make smaller amounts of food, though, now that I only cook for myself.
Driving a car
Everybody probably says they’re a good driver, but I can genuinely say that. I follow the rules and consider other people. I only got my driver’s licence three years ago, but I’ve improved since then. I gained more confidence driving because Dad was with me. You get better the more you drive. The longest trip I’ve driven was to Helsinki last week. I even drove in total darkness on the back home. I couldn’t have done it a few years ago. But because of my dad, I’m more confident behind the wheel.
Writing stories
The first time I wrote stories was in elementary school as school assignments, and I got good grades. As a teenager, I started to write in English, and it hasn’t stopped. I have a vivid imagination. Today, I write fan fiction, primarily real-person fiction. It is good practice to learn writing in English, and I have learned a lot of new words. In Finland, we start to learn English in 3rd or 4th grade. That’s how it was in the 1980s, at least. Writing is a lot of fun, and that’s why it’s my favourite thing of all the things I’m good at.
Using a computer
I might know how to fix a computer, but I’m good at using one. The first computer I used was a Macintosh. I was in 7th grade when we got a computer in the classroom. Computers weren’t common then, and you had to know codes. There were no icons to click on, so it wasn’t easy to use one. I used Windows the most because that’s what our school had. It was only the Macintosh that had icons. The first time I used the Internet was in 1997 when I was in business school. As they say, the rest is history. Kids today have no idea how it was then. It’s good that computers have gotten better over the decades. It is more fun to use computers and the Internet these days. But that’s good because things were so slow before broadband and computer icons. That modem sound still haunts in my head. If you lived in the 1990s, you know what I mean.
I wish I could improve on some other things, but that’s another list.
In my world 