Sometimes I feel people think I’m a bromide person, especially on social media. My life is not exciting. I have no work, and my interests are not excited either. At least not what other people have. Even if I did work, I still wouldn’t write about it. Life is more than work anyway. People who talk about it a lot have nothing else in their life. Only because I don’t go to parties or anything other people call fun. It isn’t my kind. For me, fun is watching movies, doing things I like, watching comedies, take a bike trip, listening to music. If there are people who think that’s dull, then too bad. I don’t go around telling people parties are boring. I don’t like loud people and loud noises. It’s idiotic and boring to act like an imbecile. I despise that kind of behaviour. I don’t get many followers on Instagram or Twitter. I’ve had Instagram since 2016, and I only have 25 people. The most likes on a post have been 25 or 26. I’ve been on Twitter since 2009, and I only have 75 followers. I’ve never been popular in real life, and I’m not that on social media either. It’s a mystery why some people get many followers, and some not so much. I don’t really mind how many I have, but sometimes it feels useless to post anything. Especially when it comes to posting photos. It was a disappointment in the beginning, but now I don’t expect to get more than 10 likes. Even if I don’t get a single like, I still will be posting on social media. I’m used to “talking to a wall.” Using social media for fun is just that. I don’t care if some people find me bromide. They just don’t know me. Who does care if a person is dull or not? It’s only a matter of opinion. Not everyone can or want to draw attention to themselves.
One of the reasons while I fail in job interviews is that I can’t play fake. They expect you to be something you’re not. You can’t be yourself even if they say you should. That’s only in some kind of fantasy world. The other reason I won’t get hired is that I have nothing special to offer to them. I don’t know why you should be like a celebrity or glamourous to get a job. I’m only a blank and bromide person with a grey personality. Getting chosen for a job is like gym in school, always getting picked last. You know you’re good at sport, but other people still don’t choose you. We all can’t be Youtube stars. The world needs plain people. If someone sees me as bromide, then it’s not my problem. I know myself better than anyone else, and that’s what matters.
Do this and you get that. If you don’t do what you are told you will get into trouble or don’t get anything. It’s sabotage to get told what to do with your own life. Not just your life but other things you do. Or don’t do. I don’t really have a point in this post. All I know is what sabotage is when you want to be yourself but is not allowed to. People should have the right to be whatever sexuality they are without having to announce it to the world. But some people have the urge to know everything about everyone. I don’t get this “getting out of the closet” when someone announces they are gay or any other sexuality. Straight people never have to announce they’re straight. What’s up with that? Isn’t it because it’s “normal”? And why are gay people living in a closet? I guess there is so much prejudice so people are embarrassed to be different when it shouldn’t be. Some people have attitude problems towards certain people. I don’t know how people like that can live with themselves. I welcome everyone no matter who they are. As long as they’re nice people. Negative and disrespectful people don’t have a place in my life.
Some things feel like sabotage. Like job search. I did get again a message “Thanks for replying but you’re not chosen” for that packaging thing I mentioned in this post. When then, I wonder. They probably chose someone in their 20s. Well, I didn’t want it that bad anyway. That thought makes me feel less worthless. Not that I feel worthless. Some people are embarrassed they’re unemployed so they don’t tell many people. I’m not that fussy. If people think I’m lazy, let them. I’m in my 40s and I should find a job much easier than someone in their 50s. Easier, not easy. But I guess my resume isn’t “sexy” enough. They said you should apply for jobs outside your own field. I did but I didn’t get anywhere. So there goes that theory. At least I can tell the jobcentre I did apply for a job. I don’t know if I should tell them about the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School though. It’s been a while since that ended so maybe not. Why does job searching make me feel so old? I have a lot of energy left but there are too many gaps in my resume. Educations are worth nothing.
Sometimes it feels like sabotage in social media. It’s like someone have said, “don’t like or post anything to that person” Which is just paranoia. I’m no one famous and not many know me on social media. I don’t know why I don’t get that many likes and such. Even on this blog, I don’t get as many likes I used to. Are my blog posts uninterested? Have I told everything and my posts are repeating themselves? Questions like that entered my mind. It really depends on what I write about. On Twitter, I get likes when TV programs are on. Or if it’s tweeting about Formula One. But if I share a blog post or tweet about something else, then I don’t get any. I will never get thousands of likes anywhere but I’m not expecting that either. Some people do anything to get likes to their posts and then they get on the news. ‘This person got 500 00 likes in an hour’ And then the photo they’ve posted isn’t even anything special. People just like weird things. If I posted something like that, it probably wouldn’t even get noticed. Then again I’m just assuming. My motives for social media is different from others. I don’t seek big audiences. It’s the quality that matters.
You can also sabotage your own future by doing crimes. Or even post drunk photos on social media. I don’t know why people do that in the first place. Who wants to see that kind of photos anyway. Know one wants to hire a boozer or even be friends with one. Drunk people are boring as well. Some people think if you don’t smoke and drink you don’t know how to have fun. Well, you can sabotage your own health and your future as much as you want. But I don’t want to live my life that. It’s just isn’t my kind of fun and it has never been. I find parties boring and a waste of energy. I rather stay home alone and do something by myself. If that sounds boring then so be it. Sabotage my solitude then you can think again. Just saying.
I’m one of those introverts that would never attend parties. I hate them. There’s too many drunk people and too noisy. You can’t have decent conversation and I don’t like shouting and repeating myself. I’m glad I haven’t received an invitation to one. I did once but I declined. It was one of those “let’s get drunk” parties. I just never liked parties. Discos in school was a nightmare. My kind of fun is watching movies, listening to music, taking a walk and calm things like that. Some people might think that’s boring but that’s better than spend time with a bunch of weirdos who can’t have fun without alcohol. Parties bores me to tears. I like one on one discussions and especially when you have something in common with them which doesn’t happen very often. I’m not into dancing and the only time I do it is alone where no one can see. I embarrass easily and try to avoid invitations. There would never be any either since I don’t have friends to spent time with. They would probably just want to socialize and meet the opposite sex for all I know. People drain me and when I finally get home, I feel more relaxed. I like being alone in public places. Even if I like meeting new people, I still need time alone to rewind.
The best invitation is an invitation to nowhere. I would definitely go. I’m actually already invited myself to nowhere. To a world of my own. In a way internet is a place to nowhere. As long as you have internet you can go to places from your own home and you don’t even need any warm clothes on. Sitting naked in your living room or whatever you fancy and no one will know. If I never got invited anywhere ever again I wouldn’t mind. If I invited someone it would be someone special and someone I know well.
People who put invitations online is looking for trouble. Some have put birthday party invitations on Facebook and somehow it has leaked. Then hell breaks loose. Where are all those cards you gave to your friends that you made yourself? No strangers arrived and you could have a peaceful party. Now it’s all over social media. Nothing is sacred anymore. Even the slightest information is online. Then people whine about how their privacy is violated. I’m not invited any of you to my house (or flat in my case) The only time I’m inviting strangers is to my blog. Here anyone can come and read. Even those who send spam to my inbox. I rather not have any of those but we can’t all be choosers.