When I was a kid, my bestie was a girl I knew from kindergarten, and we went to school in the same class. Since today is Saint Lucia’s Day (a Scandinavian tradition), I mentioned that when I was in kindergarten, it was time to pick who Lucia would be; they chose her because she had long blond hair. I was upset because I wanted to be Lucia. My hair wasn’t long enough, but I could be the second Lucia without the crown. My bestie was the best choice, though.
Unfortunately, my bestie moved to another city after first grade. She called me later, but I didn’t want to talk to her. It wasn’t her fault her parents got a job in another city, but I was still upset I lost my bestie. I had friends after that, but it wasn’t the same—not when calling someone a bestie. You don’t get best friends when you become an adult. At least you don’t call them that. I wouldn’t have kept in touch with my bestie anyway. I’m not good at keeping in touch with people. We wouldn’t have anything in common. That ship has sailed decades ago. A lot of things can happen during that time. Who knows if she’s even alive anymore.
Some people look for old friends or relatives, but I’m not interested in the past. I prefer looking forward instead. Why would I want to anyway? They don’t care about me, so why would I care for them? Not even current ones have much time to keep in touch. They have busy lives, and they don’t have time for chit-chat. Maybe a greeting at Christmas or a birthday, but that’s about it. My bestie right now is myself, and who else knows about yourself than you.
It’s easier to say what doesn’t motivate me because it depends on my mood. Feelings are usually controlling my life. Sometimes, I don’t feel like doing anything, but other times, my motivation is high. I like those days because then I know I’ve done something. When things don’t go the way I wish, I get frustrated. I don’t like doing things that are done in vain. I’ve studied things where the money went down the drain, even if I did learn something from those times. I didn’t get a job, which is the biggest lie ever. “Get a degree and the doors to heaven open” – kind of thing. It doesn’t work for everyone. Education is not the only factor that gets you a job. You also need luck and good connection skills. I only have the feeling people have something against me. That’s only fiction in my head. Maybe my motivation is not getting into a position some people are. People in the world have more significant issues than I do. The way things are going in the world, it would be no surprise if worse things could happen to me, too. Be happy with what you have because tomorrow, they might be gone.
I should know. All my family members are gone, and only me left. No one can take their place. When I go outside, I see why I want to go back inside. No one will give me the same security as my family did. What I miss the most about them is having someone to talk to. It’s not the same with other people. The only relative I have some contact with is my cousin, but she has her family and business to take care of. The last time I met her was at my dad’s memorial service. But if I wanted her help or something, then she would. I’m motivated without relatives. Most of them didn’t keep in touch after my sister died in 1983. I have managed without them, so I don’t need them either. I’m not part of the Modern Family TV series, after all. My dad was in contact with his half-sister, but he didn’t get in touch with her when he was in hospital. I couldn’t get any contact with her either after Dad died. She was over 90 years old, so maybe she didn’t live at home anymore, or perhaps she died. Her kids didn’t inform us about anything anyway. Nice relatives there. Who needs a relative bothering you all the time. It’s better to be estranged from relatives you were never close to anyway than trying to connect with people who don’t care anyway.
I can stay motivated as long as I can do it in peace. If too many distractions distract me, I don’t get things done and don’t like to rush things. Getting support from others keeps me motivated. My parents, especially my mother, were good at that. She told me I should do the best I could and that I could do anything that I put my mind to. My parents didn’t pressure me into any occupation, and I could make my own decisions. That’s what every parent should do, let their kids become anything they want. You don’t need to be the best. We all have our strengths, and we should focus on them. It’s a shame the world has become the way it is today. Defining success with how much you make or how many followers you have on social media. If you haven’t, you have failed and aren’t worth anything. There is so much greed and selfishness that it’s not funny anymore. If you don’t fight it, you’re part of the problem. It motivated me to be different from others. I hope I never become the person some people are. I could never be cruel intentionally because I have a conscience and sympathy for others. It comes from past experiences and a good upbringing. I wish I could do more than blog about the wrongs in the world, but that’s the closest I can get. It might not reach the world, but at least my motivation is not fiction. These are my genuine thoughts about this. I blog to share my thoughts with others, and when someone likes a post and maybe leaves a comment, I feel motivated to go on. Even if I don’t get any, I can still keep the mood on good terms. Worse things could happen like AI writing my posts instead of me. Then Terminator movies might come true. As long as I’m not a robot, things will be fine.
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
Bloganuary 2024
I’ve learned through the years that thinking about the present is better than thinking about the future. Maybe about the near future, but that’s about it. Things change, so I don’t want to plan far ahead. You won’t be too disappointed if you live in the present. Sometimes I think about the past. Sometimes, you should think about where you have been.
Sometimes, I dream about people that I used to know. I see dreams about my mother where she is alive, but I never talk or see her. It’s been 10 years since she died, but she still appears in my dreams. There are days when I think about how things were in the past. Things were different then, so I like returning to those days. Only the good memories, though. Bad memories only appear when something comes up in the present. Maybe not about my life, but other people’s similar experiences. As I said at the beginning of this post, I only think about the near future, like next week or a couple of days. No time like the present.
In my world 