Find yourself in the moment

Canada goldenrod fluff
Post title from ‘All you need is now’ by Duran Duran

When I think about fluff I think about fan fiction with no special plot. My life is a bit like fluff. I have my moments but I don’t have a special goal to achieve. I just live for the moment. Don’t ask me what I’ll do in 5 or 10 years since I don’t even know what I’ll be doing tomorrow. I can have plans what I want to do but it takes time before I even try. I guess it’s because what has happened in my life. Unexpected deaths in the family and my school years. I don’t want to think about the future. I’ve had more downsides than upsides so I’ve learned not to expect too much. Life is a mystery and I don’t want any surprises I haven’t waited for. Sometimes I lose faith in me and other people. It’s easier to live for the moment. Less you expect things, less disappointed you will be.

I don’t compare my life with others. I want to be an individual who doesn’t walk the same path other people do. There was a time I wanted things other people had but now I’m happy the way things are. I could always be happier though. Having a job I really like doing is one thing. I also want to see places without having to think I can’t afford it. Money doesn’t make you happy but it’s always nice to have it. I’m totally fine with what I am and I don’t need anyone’s approval. Like I wrote yesterday in One Line Sunday. I’m grateful for what I have. My life is fluff and I don’t need a special plot to keep going.

Never enamored

dead yellow rosesThis is not a secret but I want to keep my personal life for myself. But I can tell you, I’ve never been enamored. In other words, never been in love. I’ve had infatuations and maybe I felt I was in love. But you can’t be in love with someone you have never met. I can’t even remember if I had a crush on someone close by. I just haven’t found anyone of my liking. It’s easy to find someone you like but falling in love is not. I can’t imagine how being in love feels. Falling in the feeling of love is a piece of cake. If I did fall in love, it wouldn’t be mutual. That’s the story of my life.

I love the feeling when I like someone so much I can’t stop thinking about them. But I don’t like the feeling that I can never meet them in person. I love a lot of things but that’s not being in love. For example, I love certain actors but I’m not in love with them even if I know things about them. I guess my destiny is never to experience being in love and I’m totally OK with it.

Tallenna

Tallenna