May all your Christmases be white

DSC00031
©Mia Salminen, Christmas 2006

Day 10 on Writing 101 brings back those childhood memories around Christmas. Those were the best Christmases I remember. My sister and both of my grandmothers were still around. We always celebrated within the family. I don’t really remember those Christmas dinners with my sister but I do remember when we looked through the oven window where the ham was getting ready. I remember it was at night but maybe it was late evening. We thought it was so exciting. Christmas itself was fun when you’re a child.

My mother made all the meals herself from scratch. We also made gingerbread cookies. In the Finnish traditions, the Christmas dinner is a big part of the celebrations. It’s on Christmas Eve. It’s a way to get the whole family around the dinner table to eat various Christmas cuisines. Before dinner we had glogg (glögi in Finnish) with almonds and raisins. Some adults put some alcohol in it too. It was usually drank after going to the cemetery to put candles on the grave. It was cold outside so it was always nice to drink something hot afterwards.

The table was always nicely set. With two plates, one small and one a little bigger. One fork and knife each. Crystal glasses and napkins nicely folded. We also had real candles on the table. We always had ham. A turkey wasn’t very common at the time. First we ate cold food like freshly salted salmon and pickled herring with boiled potatoes. It was too salty to eat without. Then it was time for the warm food. The ham was the only cold one. There were carrot casserole, liver casserole (that I didn’t like) and rutabaga casserole. With that there was rosolli, a Finnish dish. It contains boiled beetroots, carrots, potatoes, pickled cucumber. Some people might put apples and/or Baltic herring in it too.

When the dinner was over it was time to move to the living room. As a child this was the best moment, presents and maybe Santa. Before that we would eat dessert. Sometimes we had cake bought from the store or we had Prune jam pastries (Joulutorttu) and ginger bread cookies.

The people around the dinner table has since then decreased. But that’s the way it goes. Those dinners were the best I have ever had.

Writing 101:God, the serial killer that never gets caught

Today’s writing 101 is perfect for me. If someone knows about loss, it’s me. It feels like my whole life has been about loss. Nothing is worse than losing a loved one. Going personal now even if this blog is not about that. This will be a difficult task for me to write but I have to do it. So here it goes.

It started in 1983 (soon my age will be revealed :D) I was 6 years old. My big sister had been ill since she was a child but it got worse as she got older. I was so young at the time so I don’t remember much about it. She spent her time in the hospital a lot. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like hospitals. My mother had to stop working to care of her at home. I went to preschool so my mother could concentrate on my sister’s well-being. All I remember her laying on the hospital bed with see-through plastic over her bed and her food didn’t stay inside her stomach her anymore. I don’t exactly know what kind of disease she had. It was something about her immune system.

So on October 26, they called from the hospital that my sister had passed away. I don’t remember how the news was told to me. I asked my mother about it years later. I had been in my bedroom making a box out of Lego and put Lego pieces in it. She asked what I was doing and I asked who will give her food now (or something like that) Just the thought about a 6-year-old wondering about that is heartbreaking. I don’t think I really understood what had happened. That was the first time I knew what loss was. It turned my life completely. I’ve thought about how my life would have been if it things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did. I never talked about my sister because people wouldn’t have understood anyway. I did that a few times and they just felt sorry for me. I just didn’t like the look on their faces. There was an incident in school with a class mate once but my mother never told me what it was even if I asked. I don’t remember any of it. Maybe it was for the better. Growing up without a sibling, takes its toll. I would be a total different person if I had my sister around. She was only 10 and too young to die. I was glad she was my sister.

Even if I’m not religious, I do believe in God. Even if God is the serial killer that never gets caught. He takes people away from you no matter how important they are to you. It doesn’t matter if they’re good, God still punishes you. Maybe there is a reason for it. But it doesn’t stop there. Just when you thought your life is back on track, next thing happens.

To be continued…

It’s your birthday they say

Today it’s my birthday (and Wentworth Miller) It’s also the 1st time my mother is not around. Birthdays doesn’t mean that much to me. It was different when I was a kid. Presents and that stuff. Today birthdays are just one step closer to death. Even if it’s at least 40 years left of my life. Age is nothing but a number anyway. A lot of people are afraid to get old but not to me. We are meant to get old. No one lives forever. It’s not what age you are, it’s about what age you feel.

For me, my birthday is just going out to lunch (like me and dad did today) and that’s about it. Besides I hate parties anyway so I don’t need that.