Tag: personal

Bloganuary: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

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Day 25. As Kelly Clarkson sings, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am much stronger than I was when I was a teenager. Life experiences make you stronger. If I hadn’t gone through the difficulties I have, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. No one’s life is perfect. You learn from your mistakes, and you grow as a person. What makes me feel strong is knowing that I have survived so far. I wouldn’t want to be the person I was. The people I’ve met in the past and the people close to me that have left this earth has made me the person I am today. People who hurt me didn’t leave me bitter. I should thank them for ignoring me and making me feel worthless. It wasn’t my fault. I was only the person I was, and I didn’t pretend like they did. I learned not to care what other people thought about me. They didn’t have any effect on the choices I have made. They couldn’t spoil my life if they thought that. They were only cowards who had low self-esteem. I learned from the experience that no one could treat me the way they did again.

Listening to music has always been a good escape from bad things. I usually don’t listen to the lyrics that carefully, but sometimes I find songs that make me feel stronger. It’s not only music that makes me feel like that, but also entertainment in general. It doesn’t matter if it’s TV or movies. I couldn’t live without them. It makes the time goes faster too.

I feel strong too when I write. In English, mostly. If it’s blogging or writing fiction, it makes me feel better. I’ve got better at it. That’s the only thing I feel confident in. It depends what I write, though. If it’s for a job search, then not so much. I’m more into making up stories and sharing my thoughts about something. Doing things you love makes you feel strong. Other times it wouldn’t be as fun.

Bloganuary: Dreams are made of these

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Day 24. Sometimes I remember my dreams, but they disappear from the mind after a while. I usually dream about places I’ve been to and people I used to know. Before we buried my mother, she used to appear in them. After we did, they disappeared. But I still see her in my dreams. My dreams are also quite strange from time to time. They are in two parts. First, they’re in one place, and suddenly the scenes change. Sometimes they don’t make sense. I own a book about dreams and their meanings. Sometimes I look at it, but that’s only for fun. My dreams have no special meaning. Sometimes when I sleep, I don’t see any dreams. At least not what I remember.

Some people might hear talking in their dreams, but it’s only visual for me. Before I got a driver’s license, I used to have dreams where I drove a car, but I couldn’t find the breaks. The car went really fast. It was quite an awful dream. I don’t have premonition dreams, but this one came true. Last November, I drove on the highway. Suddenly, the gas pedal got stuck to the floor. My heart was beating fast, and it was so scary. Fortunately, there wasn’t any traffic. I carefully put on the break, and it slowed down. My dad was with me, so at least I wasn’t alone. The pedal got stuck in traffic once too. At least I didn’t crash into anyone. The mat on the floor had got under the gas pedal, which was why it got stuck.

I’m usually the spectator in my dreams, and no one sees me. It’s alright if it’s only an ordinary dream. But if it’s a dream about someone I like, I’m a little disappointed. But once, I had a dream where the person did see me, and we even spoke. It was about actor Tom Hiddleston.

I was in some public bathroom brushing my teeth with toothpaste, and he was there too. I said to him “I really hate toothpaste” (which I do in real life) He said something to me, but I don’t what. He was really nice to me.

It was a weird dream, but I was so happy he saw me. I wish I remembered what he said, though. That would have been even better. I have seen a dream about him later too, but it was from afar. Having a good dream after a night sleep makes you feel good the rest of the day. Having a bad dream makes you feel the opposite. Hopefully, I don’t see them very often. It would be nice if you could save your dreams somewhere, but that’s an impossible dream.

Bloganuary: Step back in time

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Day 21. If I could step back in time, I would return to my childhood at the beginning of the 1980s. My family was complete then. Both of my grandmothers were alive, and my sister. I would relive those times when I was a small child. You have no problems, and you live a carefree life. I don’t remember much about that time. There are bits, but it would be nice to see how it was then. I miss Christmases the most. We always spend it within the family, and when my sister died in 1983, things weren’t the same again. Our family got smaller and smaller. It’s only me and dad left now. We have different videos of the times we spent together, so I can go down memory lane when I want to remember how it was. And photos, of course.

I would also like to see how my life would have been if things had turned some other way. How my sister would be like as an adult. Maybe the death of our mother would have been a bit easier. Or what if mother hadn’t died so soon. Thinking about these things are needless because life is what it is. Everybody dies one day. It would be nice to go back in time, but what happened then is in the past. You should live in the present because that’s something you can control. But playful thinking has never done anyone any harm.