Spray some popularity around me

neon spray paint
Made in Canva

Do you ever feel other people seem to be much better at things than you do? Other people get a lot of likes on Instagram, for example. Or others get friends easier than yourself. You get the feeling you’re totally useless and no one pays you any attention. You don’t look for fame or anything but wouldn’t be nice to be popular at least a little. You know you shouldn’t put yourself down but you can’t help comparing yourself with others. It’s called the inferiority complex. You have low self-esteem and it can depress you. There are moments you feel good about yourself but then you see someone who looks confident and you feel useless again. You try not to care because deep inside you’re good in your own way. But still, back in your head, you think you’re not really good at anything.

My time on social media has been like this which one reason why I have thoughts about not bothering posting anything. Why should I use my energy trying to impress strangers? Spray some popularity around me, will you? I don’t know how people get a lot of likes or comments on social media. Maybe I’m just a boring person and untalented. It seems you need to post photos of yourself to get noticed. Most photos online are fake. Especially on Instagram so I don’t want to be in that game anyway. I’ve only used social media for fun. I have a love/hate relationship with social media. They say how you can promote your business or design work you’re done. But since my experience is mostly negative I’m sceptic about how it would work for me. I have posted my photos in different places and got likes and comments but not because of social media. Even if I use keywords I still don’t get any followers or views on social media. Mostly on Twitter since I use it the most. I don’t really care if it’s about the things I write. I’m more concerned about my design work or photography. Maybe I’m not good enough. At least not good enough to get paid for my work.

“I could have done that” or “It’s nothing special” are words I’ve heard about my photography. Thank you very much, now I really want to practice to get better. Not, it makes me want to give up altogether. It doesn’t give me the motivation to prove them wrong. It only gets me down. I need someone who says what I should do to improve it. I’m not clairvoyant. Even if photography isn’t important for me anymore, those words still haunt in the back of my head. Maybe it’s the same with web and graphic design. I make nothing special and anyone could do the same. It’s probably only in my own mind. There is a lot of people who have been in the business for years and I’m only starting out so you can’t compare. But I can’t even find a job so I can’t get better at it either. It seems you need to be popular and have connections to get anywhere. If it’s social media or finding a job. You also need to be an interesting person which I am not. At least when it comes to fitting into a company. I guess you just have to do everything yourself. Nothing new there. You won’t get help from anyone.


Having a blast by myself

Made in Canva

I like doing things by myself. I don’t need a lot of people around me. In fact, other people stress me out. I like having a blast by myself. It might sound boring for some but so is partying in my opinion. I hate all the noise and talking nonsense. That’s just not my thing and it has never been. When I’m around people, waiting to go home as soon as possible is my thing. Other people expect for you to be social and if you don’t speak, they say you’re anti-social. Like that’s a bad thing. I just don’t want to waste my time on something I don’t care about or want to do. It’s better to be alone than being with the wrong people. If you want to be with someone, you’ll never get the chance to be with that person because they live in another country or they already have someone to be with. Or they won’t like you the way you like them. You just have to accept it and try to think about something else than the company of another human being. There are other things to think about.

I go to the movies by myself because then you can concentrate on the movie. Even staying there until the end credits without having that other person to get irritated. I take bike rides alone. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to but not many want to take long bike trips. I used to do that with my mother when she was still alive. But now I only go by myself. I can cycle in my own pace and stop whenever I want. It’s really relaxing to be around silence. Yesterday I took one of this trips. It wasn’t long but still. It was to an outdoor museum where they have horses and sheep. There were some people there but it was still silent. A lot of beautiful colours on the trees and blue sky with sunshine. Here are some photos.

Nature has always been one of the greatest things in Finland. When tourist wonder why we want distance they should really experience this side of our country and then they might understand why.

Taking it easy is my kind of a blast. I think better when I’m alone. I tried to write out on the balcony one of my fictions but there was too much noise from the traffic so I always write inside. If someone kept talking I couldn’t concentrate. It different when I’m listening to music. Actually, I’m even more motivated when the music blasts in the background. Or since I listen to Spotify on my laptop, at the front. Not only when I write fiction but also when I write this blog. I get more distracted if the neighbours are coming or going from their flat. Or noise from the outside. All the small sounds irritate me but not the loud ones. Except if it’s the neighbour’s loud stereos where it doesn’t sound like music at all. Or the people shouting when they talk to each other. I can listen to music quite loud but still, I can concentrate. Sometimes I’m so in my thoughts I don’t even hear it’s being loud.

For some doing things alone can be difficult but for me, it’s in my nature. I never feel totally lonely even if sometimes it can feel like that. Some have a blast with other people but I’m having a blast by myself. You don’t necessarily need big things to have a blast. If pets get excited from a toy and kids get excited about something new they’ve learned. Adults should be able to have a blast from the small things in life too.


Alright but not stellar

photo collage
Made in Canva

They say don’t compare yourself to others but sometimes it just comes into your mind. Other people seem to succeed in things they do much better than yourself. You feel you’re a failure compared to others. They do all these stellar things and you’re just there feeling blue because you can’t get that Wow- feeling. It can be anything, a job you do, social skills, raising your kids and so on. The only comfort you get is trying to appreciate what you have.

I feel like the way I described above. I think I’m alright but not stellar. I should believe in myself more because who else will? No one is great when they start things. It takes a lot of practice. In some things, I have years of experiences. Like photography. It’s probably 20 years but I still don’t see if I’ve improved in it. All those educations I’ve been in and I still don’t see it? Maybe I’m just a hobbyist and I thought my photos were good enough. It’s only when someone tells me they’re good. Or at least alright. I always have a doubt what people really think. I have had comments my photos are nothing special. One was a pro of all people. Maybe it has affected me a little but that’s just one opinion. People seem to like them and that’s what matters. I haven’t got a job because my photos but I’m not planning to be a pro anymore anyway. Maybe 3 years ago but now my priorities have changed. Also because I don’t have driver’s license which seems to be so important in that profession.

I have always been a creative person. At least in my own mind. But then I see other peoples stellar work and it makes me feel so small. They’re really talented and it feels I’m not. You should never forget they were novices once too and probably felt the same way. But they didn’t give up. I haven’t given up because if I had, I would have changed my mind about what I wanted to do. I’ve stuck to the idea I would do something creative. It would be great if I would earn money from it. An office job is not for me or any other uncreative things. That’s why web design and graphic design is suitable for me. There you can express yourself and at the same time help others. The problem is I’m not very good at giving advice to people. I’m the one who needs advice. I can only tell what I think of things or what I’ve experienced in life. I can find out things for other people but I don’t know how to give advice from memory. I can’t tell you how to get more followers to your blog or how to promote your business. Those are things I want to know. I really dislike the words standing out. Isn’t it enough to be the way I am? OK, maybe I’m standing out for not knowing how to advise people. That’s not really something to brag about, is it?

One thing I do know I’m stellar at is writing fiction. Maybe it sounds a bit arrogant to think so but if you don’t like what you write yourself, how will others think so? I only write it for fun but I’m still satisfied with my writing. I also write them in English so that has also impressed people. I’ve written them so long I don’t think I could write one in Finnish or Swedish. Besides, in English, the stories sound so much better. I wish I could be stellar in other things I do the way I feel in writing. I guess I just done it so much longer (since I could write) so it feels more natural to me. Life is a learning process and you’re never finished. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse. Be who you are and be stellar in what you do best.