Enthusiasm for about 4 minutes

light brown cat sleeping
Made in Canva

First of all, I’m in pain. I don’t what it is. Maybe there’s something in my teeth that causes me a headache. It’s been a couple of days. The pain comes and goes in different parts of my head. It’s more of a throbbing than pain but still, I feel like passing out. Painkillers help at least for a while. This is one of the reasons why I haven’t blogged as much as I wished. The other is watching sport on TV but that’s another matter. I try to make some sense in this blog post despite how I feel right now.

I always seem to have enthusiasm for about 4 minutes in different things and then I skip the whole idea. I was excited about photography for years but then I got over that. Now I only photograph occasionally. Then I got the enthusiasm of web design. But now that feels like an unrealistic dream too. The last is graphic design but now I don’t feel that excited about it. Maybe because finding job experience is like trying to search for your lost youth. The entrepreneurship was exciting at first but now I’m not so sure about that. I just don’t what to do with my lack of enthusiasm. I have an attention span of a child. I get excited about things but then it only lasts for a short while and I want something else instead. Especially if it’s something I bought online. I get enthusiastic when I order it but when it finally arrives it feels empty inside. It’s a bad habit and it can become an addiction if you’re not careful. It’s so easy to buy things online. I’ve bought movies on Blu-ray but some of them I still haven’t watched. I just haven’t find the time and strength to watch them. I hope I will though.

Last time I felt enthusiasm was this week when I had to take my dad’s old smartphone because the microphone on my mobile doesn’t work anymore. I thought now I can use Instagram and take better photos. But it doesn’t want to install it. Actually, Google doesn’t let me. That goes with any social media apps. I have those on my tablet but that shouldn’t matter. I’ve tried to search for a solution online but none of them helped at all. I’ve signed into my Google and Google Play accounts but nothing works. It doesn’t really matter. I don’t need those apps on my phone anyway. I can’t share anything which is the only downside. Expect if I download the photos on my laptop through Bluetooth. That rules out Instagram but honestly, I’m not a big fan of it. I thought of deleting the whole account. At least not post there anymore. My enthusiasm has calmed down since I got my dads phone. Now the smartphone is just like my old phone. For calling and texting mostly. My old phone is still much better than any smartphones out there. A shame I can’t call anyone with it anymore.

Chase a dream without remorse

footprint in the snow
Made in Canva

I should really concentrate working on my portfolio for school but sometimes writing comes first.
I always seem to chase the wrong dream. If it’s about career choices or men I find attractive. The latter it’s always someone I know I can’t have. They usually live in another country or they’re, well famous. But I feel no remorse by chasing the wrong dream. Crushes come and go. The same with career choices. Many times I thought “this is what I want to do” But then something comes up and I don’t even bother trying. It has happened with writing for a living and formula one photography. It seems to happen with web and graphic design too. I just don’t what I want anymore. Maybe my destiny is to be unemployed for the rest of my life. Of course, I don’t want it to stay that way. I want to show the finger to that destiny. It’s not easy when you can’t even find a job. If I get an interview I fail at it. And that’s a big if.

I get excited about things but they usually short-lived. I wish I could stay excited much longer. I could have been something by now if I wouldn’t be so indecisive. I’m also too reserved and not a risktaker. I’m always thinking about what could go wrong. I also don’t believe in myself enough. Before I started to study graphic design in Helsinki Design School, I thought I was good at it. But now after the feedback I’ve got, I don’t know if I have any potential to get better. It’s the same with photography and web design. I don’t want to do things I won’t get better at. Then again who would stop me from doing things I like. You can’t please everyone. I learned English by practising and got better at it so why not with the design too.

I don’t dream big, I have them in small portions. I’ve dreamed of doing different things and that has come true. I don’t remorse anything that I’ve studied. I always found something useful in them. It’s good that you’re versatile or things would be boring. The current dream I chase is getting through this graphic design education with a good feeling. Getting the portfolio finished and getting through the presentation in front of the class with good results. That’s probably the biggest dream I have chased so far.

An island belonging to Spain

view to a beach
The coast is clear. The beach of Canary Islands ©Mia Salminen

This is part two of my holiday in Playa del Inglés. It’s in Gran Canaria. An island that belongs to Spain. I looked on Google Map where it is. It’s more close to Western Sahara than Spain. The island is in the middle of the Atlantic ocean which you can see on the photo above. We arrived there on Thursday, March 28. To Las Palmas where the airport is, to be exact. It took about 30 minutes by bus to Playa del Inglés. The ride was organised by the Finnish travel agency, Aurinkomatkat (trans. Sun travels)

When we came to the destination, the bus circled around the narrow streets to the hotels. I don’t know how many we stopped by because it felt like ages before our hotel. But when we did, it was such a relief after a long trip. We got our room with a balcony and what a view it was. You could see the whole town from there. Below there were swimming pools and sun chairs.

view from hotel
A view from our balcony. ©Mia Salminen

Before dinner, we went to the store to buy water and other things. You shouldn’t drink the tap water because you don’t want to get stomach problems. You should even brush your teeth with it to make sure. The dinner was at 6.30 pm but dad thought it was too early to go. Luckily I ate a sandwich before we left home. In the hotel, there was a bar and outside that, there was a popcorn machine. It had two flavours. Since I don’t speak Spanish, I didn’t know what they were. There were ‘dulce’ and ‘salada’ so I picked dulce. It was, of course, a bad choice. I didn’t know then it meant sweet. It wasn’t, it tasted awful. I’ve never eaten popcorn like that before and I hope I never will. I tried to eat it all but I couldn’t so I put in the bin. I had to eat something because I was feeling peckish.

Speaking of culture shock in food. At dinner, you had to pay for the water separately. I was appalled. Dad had paid for the food in advantage and yet you have to pay for the drinks. I have never experienced that anywhere else. Every dinner you had to pay for the beverages but you get used to it, I guess. A few evenings I didn’t drink anything because I didn’t want to say aqua all the time. They spoke English though so later it got easier. The food was good though and it felt like you ate a lot. The first breakfast the coffee was from a machine and it tasted awful. But then I saw normal coffee where you could put milk in yourself. My mornings were saved. Without coffee, the days would have been a bit different.

The first days of the holiday, I found it really boring. There was nothing to do. The hotel had a stage where had different programs but that doesn’t help my boredom. There were a lot of Germans and a lot of them smoked. You couldn’t sit outside at all because of the smell. I was surprised by how many smokers there are on Gran Canaria. Even the employers, guides, bus drivers etc. Are they born with a cigarette in their mouth or what? It was really annoying. At least they didn’t smoke inside. Hail smoking laws. In a hotel, you can get away but when there are smokers in a small place, you can’t escape far. I get to that in the next post. If we didn’t have plans this holiday would have been the worse ever. People mostly were there to get some colour on their bodies but neither of us like that sun that much. I’m definitely not a beach holiday person. I prefer city holidays.

My parents had been on this island in the 1990s and they went on a sailboat trip. We would go on this same trip. The problems were how to get in touch with the Finnish guide. There was a phone number you could call but when we tried, it went to Helsinki. There they couldn’t help at all. We asked the reception and they gave us a few numbers. None of them worked either. So what to do? There was a folder in the hotel so we looked there for information. The guide could be found in another hotel on Saturday. I asked the reception where it was and it was only a block away. Then finally we could book us a trip. It was on Sunday. The bus ride would pick us up from the hotel. What we learned from this experience is, always pay trips in advance and you don’t need to find the guide like a needle in a haystack. So a bit of dazzle at the beginning of this trip on the island.

To be continued