Sometimes I hate it when I’m too slow. Especially when it comes to making decisions. Even getting up early in the morning is slow. The bed feels so comfy, and of course, I go to bed so late. I don’t have any reason to get up early, so maybe that’s the reason why I sleep late too. I’m not a morning person anyway. The only fast movement I have is neither walking nor cycling. Other times it’s just slow.
Every day I think I’ll wake up early and do things. But when it comes to it, I don’t do any of it. I’ve thought about starting something on my own in my professional life, but I still haven’t done much. It’s been 4 years since my web design education. It’s been two years since the graphic design in Helsinki Design School, and about 3 years since the course about entrepreneurship. I bet all those former classmates had done something during these years. They have probably become even better at their job because they have had a chance to practice. Before I wake up, half the day has gone. I have no motivation to make up my own projects. I’m not even sure what kind of creative work I want to do. Every graphic designer does the same things. I mean, how many graphic designers do, e.g. branding and identity for small and big business? Looking at what graphic designer do, in the end, it’s all the same. They’re only much better than me. People probably would say this about my designs, “even I could do that” That’s what one said about my photography once. Why pay for the service when you can do it for free yourself. I don’t even know what my style is. Nothing special doesn’t sell. I feel like crap when I see people’s work on Instagram who studied or studying at Helsinki Design School. My ideas just aren’t good enough.
A slow movement is better than being rushed. If you’re doing things fast, the result might be bad. I don’t know why people must be in a hurry in the first place. You shouldn’t stress about things, because then no one enjoying themselves. I don’t like waiting, but you don’t need to be in a hurry either. If things happen or don’t happen, it shouldn’t be the end of the world. Maybe I’m just a laid-back person, and these things don’t stress me as much as it might be with someone else. It can worry me for a while, but I get over it after a moment. See, what I wrote earlier in this post, I’m already over it 😉
Since I started this blog in 2014, I have posted on January 1 and this year is no exception. It’s time for a fresh start in 2021. Or where we left off. There is nothing much to look forward to for me. Except for the Elton John concert in September. Let’s hope so anyway. It was postponed last year because of the covid thing. Which is still going on, by the way. Some people seem to have forgotten. So wash your hands, stay away from crowds, wear a mask and so on. You should know the drill by now.
I never make new years resolutions. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I usually start doing things in March. In January and February, I only think about what to do but I never seem to get things started. I don’t know about the driver’s license thing. There are times when I think I might need it but then again not. I’m most concerned about passing the tests. I don’t I get passed the first time. The money might go to that the most. That’s what happened over 20 years ago. I also live in a city where places are close by so I don’t really need a licence. If I want to go somewhere I can ask dad for a lift. I don’t go to places where I need a car in the first place. I don’t know if it’s worth paying for. I have gone without a license for this long. I was more thinking about my dad getting older and he doesn’t want to drive long trips. I don’t want to own a car but you can still have a license. I really have to think about it.
I didn’t think about writing about this but there is no harm in saying it. I have written about becoming an entrepreneur many times on this blog. I wouldn’t want to do it full time yet but there is something called light entrepreneurship. I already registered up for one last year. I also have a business Instagram and a Facebook page in the making. But the problem is what kind of services I want to provide. So far I thought about graphic design and photography. I thought about web design too but it’s not what I’ve studied. Sure, I did but the real world web design is too technical for me. I don’t have enough of the material of my work. At least nothing good enough to get clients. There are people who have done it for years and I have only school material to show. It’s just so much work you have to do to become an entrepreneur. The marketing and all that. I don’t know if I want to bother. But then I have to do all the job search things and that’s not easy either. There are monsters in both ways. I wish I didn’t need to do anything. But I don’t want to be one of those who are afraid to work.
We’ll see what 2021 will bring. It’s still early days. So happy new year and that was my first post of the year.
The school I’ve studied graphic design at, Helsinki Design School has this feature called ‘Student Stories’ It’s about students who have studied there and what they’ve done after the education. All of them have these great successes. Mine is limp compared to those. I wouldn’t say my educations have given me anything special. They haven’t given me the ‘Wow’ effect. I went to those schools and that’s about it. When I read these great stories, I would say, well lucky you. Because that’s what it takes, luck. Maybe a little talent too. When I went to this school, the other students were really good. Even those who hadn’t studied graphic design before. I actually felt untalented compared to them. It seems things only happen to other people. But never mind about others. This is my student story. My limp student story.
My first education was in 1994-1995. Right after I left primary school. I was 17 and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. My mother said I should start something so I went to study health care. It took a year. It was the first time I was on my own. I went home for the weekend though. I lived in a dorm with a roommate. We went to the same class. There was job learning as well so I went to a retirement home. I was there for one day only. I didn’t like being there at all. I never liked touching people. One thing I learned though was how to make the bed so the bed sheets sat in place. I still tie my bedsheets like that. That’s actually the only thing I still remember from the education. The rest are long forgotten.
My next full education was between 2002- 2003. Before that, I was at a business school in 1997 but that was one of the worst school experiences I’ve had. I was there only about 2 months or so. My first two educations were in Swedish. After that, it’s been in Finnish only. So in 2002, I studied media screenwriting. It included writing movie scripts, radio scripts, video editing etc. At the time I thought about becoming a scriptwriter. I really liked this education. We were a small group and we all got along. It was also fun to make movie scenes from scripts we wrote. I learned a lot about making movies and radio plays. I understand the concept of dramaturgy and how to make a story work. I look at movies in a different way than someone who hasn’t studied it. I still use that knowledge when I write fiction. I also understand how difficult it is to make movies. I really love watching how a movie is made on the extras on the DVD’s I buy. I’ve also used my editing skills on my own video projects. I probably got my current job because I can film and edit videos. At least my boss was really excited about it when I told her about it in the job interview.
Next school was in 2005-2006 I studied in the same school where I studied screenplay writing. This time it was journalism. I wanted to work as a journalist. It was also a year. I didn’t like my schoolmates that much. They reminded me of those in business school which was the reason why quit that one. At least I lasted a year. I learned I don’t like interviewing people. I just can’t listen and write at the same time. In the end, it was the teacher I interviewed who corrected the interview later on. I just missed a lot of the interview. We had a school newspaper where we put different stories in. I probably still have it somewhere. In the education, we had photo editing where we used Photoshop and also it was the first time I used InDesign. I already knew something about Photoshop so that wasn’t new to me. What I remember the most about what I learned in the school it was that one. The program has changed a lot since then but the basics are the same.
After some years thinking about what I really wanted to be, it was 2009. I was really into becoming a photographer again. I’ve studied it in 2001 but I quit for different reasons. One of them was developing film which I didn’t get. Too much Math. I got back to photography because now digital cameras were getting more common. I just didn’t want to study it for years. At the time I had a job search coach so we searched online about different educations. Then she came across an education but it wasn’t only photography and it would take two years. I thought that sounded too long so I declined at first. The main education was graphic design but it also had some photography. After thinking about it a bit longer, I decided to apply for the education. Before that, I was a week in the school to try how it was to study there. I found it interesting so I took a chance. Since I already was familiar with Photoshop and InDesign, it was easier to get into it. In the education, we also did a short movie so again my past learning came in handy. I got to know more about graphic design. We had e.g. poster design, logo design and editorial design (school magazine) I still wanted to become a photographer though.
Not until 2014 I found an education where photography was the main subject. This was the first time I went to Helsinki Design School. It suited me well because we met in school only twice a month. Even though the teachers were pro photographers, it didn’t mean things would positively happen to you. The education was new so things weren’t perfect. I’m sure they’ve got different now. I’ve heard students from the same year as me that this photography course was a joke to certain employers. Saying it’s not a real school and yadda yadda. Even though I didn’t get what I wanted for the future, it doesn’t mean the education isn’t real. When the teacher we had on our last (or second) asked how many of us would want to become I pro I didn’t raise my hand. It was nice to know how things work in the photography industry and so on. But I decided it wasn’t as interesting as I thought. I wanted to do something else too.
Waiting and doing other things. In 2016-2017 I found another education that I found interesting. It found it while I was one of my many job search courses. It was a one-year education about web design. I don’t really know where that idea came. Maybe because I had one in the 90s when we first got the internet at home. It was so simple then because no coding was needed. The education also had photography but I didn’t have to attend the classes. I still went because you never know what you’ll learn. We photographed different things so it was fun to be there. The main thing was web design. There is where I learned to code. It was difficult though. It’s like Math, confusing. I still can’t do it so maybe that’s one of the reasons I don’t think I can do websites after all. I don’t like the technical stuff. After the education, you would think you’ll get a job somewhere but then it hits you there isn’t anything suitable. They’re all web developers. It feels like you’re been lied to. Web design isn’t the same as you studied. So I’m actually a bit disappointed the working world doesn’t want to offer you anything you studied. The education itself wasn’t disappointing, it’s what happens after it. At least I understand what some code means. At least I got some experience with working with clients. I actually started to think about entrepreneurship because it was so nice not having the need to go anywhere. I even went to a course about it.
Last but not least. The latest education I’ve had so far. I can’t believe it’s soon a year when that ended. It was graphic design in Helsinki Design School. I didn’t want to be in an education where they repeat things you’ve studied before. 2018-2019 it was. I began to think about graphic design again. I applied once before at the beginning of the year (the application period is twice a year) but I didn’t get in but then I tried the 2nd time. Since I went to this school before I thought the 2nd time lucky so to speak. We used Adobe programs so it was easier for me to follow the education. I also knew about other graphic design things from before but it didn’t feel like a repeat. Every teacher has different teaching methods so it’s nice to hear another approach on things. I thought about trying light entrepreneurship during the education but I never got around doing it. Time just went by and like always I never dare to start anything I plan. It’s easier to dream than making it true. So reading student stories about how someone has used their education in Helsinki Design School to good use, it just puts me down. They’re young and have time to do anything. I just feel old and lazy to do anything about my time. Maybe I just didn’t have what it takes when it comes to graphic design.
So there you have it. My that was my own student story. Limp or not, I think I’ve learned enough in school. Helsinki Design School is trying to sell its 2 year BA educations in graphic design. But I’ve already studied the same in 2009-2011 so I’m not their target market anyway. It’s more for those who don’t have any past educations in the same field. All I need right now is job experience and not another education.