So excited I can hide it

breakdance spinning on his head

When a Finn wins in sport or get excited of something, they don’t show emotion. The anticipation is there but we’re very good at hiding it. Unless there’s alcohol involved. Maybe it’s shyness or we’re taught of not getting too excited. Showing motion is seen as a bad thing. It’s getting better in the younger generation but still you’re not suppose jump up and down if you’re excited about something. If you do, then you’re probably drunk. Even if you’re smiling on the street, you’re seen as a lunatic. Foreigners think Finns are rude because they’re not like other people in the world. But just because you’re not acting exciting, doesn’t mean you’re not. We rejoice inside. We might clap or cheer for a moment but then move on. Our celebrations are more discrete than others. I’ve been in a couple of ice hockey games and the fans are the ones who cheer and make noise. Other viewers there only watch the game and if a goal is made, they might stand up and cheer. But most people only clap and sit still. In our sport events, there won’t be much singing and dancing like in other sports in other countries. It just isn’t common in our culture.

I used to be shy and acted the same way other Finns did at sport events. But as I got older and bolder, I wasn’t worried if someone noticed my excitement. I still wouldn’t cheer if someone else didn’t either. I would never dare to start and give an example to others. In that way I’m still a follower. As long as there’s other people around, I’m not worried about what others think.
I’m going next year to a Robbie Williams concert here in Finland. My first ever real concert I’ve been to. Unless it gets cancelled. I don’t know how I act there. Maybe I will only watch and listen or sing along. Since I never been to a concert with that many people in it, I have no idea how things can go. Finns can be loud when they want to so we’re not that cold inside. We’re not like in some countries where the audience just stands there listening and clap when the song is over. But like I wrote before, if there’s alcohol involved then people sure are more out there.

My excitements usually ends quite quickly. I’m very anticipated about things but when it comes around to it, I lose interest. Like this school I’m going to right now. I was so excited to be there but now it feels like I might not want to do it after all. It’s too hard. There’s a reason why I’m not very fond of studying. Nothing sticks in my head. I wish I could have one skill that I know I can do 100% so I didn’t have to study in school. I should be studying right now but I rather write this post or do something else. I get distracted easily and only want to do things that are fun. That’s always been my problem. I get really excited of something and the next I won’t even bother. If I do something I really like then I get back to it after doing something else. No hobbies of mine have never been a struggle so it’s not a depression. I just like different things and so what if I sometimes prefer doing something else for a change. I could have one hobby and stick with that but that’s not how I am. I love changes and I’m not afraid of it. When I really get anticipated in something, I do it for real.

 

Tallenna

Elicit, what’s that?

train track

Elicit, what’s that?

Elicit, what’s that?

Is it a plane, is it a bird

I’m not sure

Elicit, what’s that?

To our dictionaries

I can’t find the meaning

Not in a sentence at least

What is, Elicit?

I can’t find it, why oh why?

I’m not English nor anything else

Explicit, no, then I would know

But Elicit, oh please no

I don’t know, someone help

Oh there it is, I found the answer

It’s to Elicit something and that what I did

Tallenna

Tallenna

Happy birthday and anniversary dear mum in heaven

orchid
My mothers orchid in bloom 2016

It’s soon been 3 years since mother was taken away from us. She would have turned 71 today and my parents would have been married for 44 years. This post is not about celebrations though.
It’s mythical what happens for a person who passes away. My mother didn’t think anything happens. You just die and that’s it. I really hope it isn’t so. But no one will never know what really happens after we’re dead. Maybe it feels better to think that there are a life after this one. Death in general can be intimating for some but for me it’s just natural. No one get out of this world alive so death is nothing to be afraid of.

What scares me the most is what happens in this world. When I die I hope it’s not in pain. I hope I won’t get a disease like my sister and mother did. I’ve seen how it does to a person and I don’t want to experience that. But you never know what way you die. I could be walking down the street and bang, a car hits me. I rather die quickly than slowly and in pain. I hate pain. Even menstrual cramps makes feel ill.
I’m also afraid of dying before I get to live a life. Death itself is not scary to me. When I was a teen, I had days I wish I wasn’t alive. I didn’t plan to kill myself, it never went that far. But I was depressed when it felt like I wasn’t good enough. You say things when your angry but regret it later. It wouldn’t have been fair to my parents if I died. They had suffered enough. Luckily I grew out of it when I became an adult. Now my life is precious to me even if there are things missing.

Why do we remember deceased birthdays? They’re not here to see and hear it. I think it’s just a way to remember them. It’s not like we’re gonna forget they’re dead. We remember them at Christmas and All Saint’s day (at least in Finland) so why not birthdays. We don’t celebrate a birthday like a person who’s alive. But there’s nothing wrong with remembering a person who’s not. It’s a great comfort to think there is a life after this and thinking the person watches over you. A birthday of them is one way to celebrate the memories of them.

If there is a heaven, my mother would be celebrating one way or another. So have a happy birthday mum and we’re remembering yours here on earth.

Tallenna

Tallenna