Tag: postaday

Nothing on the horizon

Mia2 Comments

horizonLook to the future and don’t dwell in the past. But what if you feel there’s nothing on the horizon. Then you look to the present. That’s where the most important things are. Sometimes looking to the past is a reminder what you’ve been through. You learn from your mistakes and you make sure they won’t happen again. The people you met in the past and the experiences you’ve experienced, moulds you into the person you become. You could put the blame on the people that hurt you or it can make you stronger.

I thought about the years I had in school the other night. About my old schoolmates. Some of them were my friends and some were not. There was one in particular who only wanted to be my friend when she had a fight with her other friend. I don’t know what kind of issue they both had. Now when thinking about it, it was really childish behaviour from them. I always wondered why girls only spend time with their best friend and no one else are allowed to be with them. When boys socialise, they can be friends with a lot of other boys. Maybe there’s more jealousy between girls which is the reason you hardly see girl groups with more than two people. Since those experiences with fake friends, I refused to be a substitute for anyone. I prefer being a loner. If I meet new people, I hardly get to know them. I can talk to people, but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t even suggest them if we could keep in touch. If they want, they can take the first step. The older I get, the less important having friends is. It’s an introvert thing I suppose. If you don’t ask, I don’t tell. Foreigners who live in Finland, say how difficult it is to become friends with Finns. But it’s also difficult for Finns to become friends with other Finns.

Life is too short to have fake friends. A true friend is someone who stands by you through the bad times. I guess all those true ones have lost their way because I haven’t found one. I really have had bad luck with friends. One moved to another city with her family after 1st grade. One I thought was my friend, talked bad things about me behind my back. The same with another friend in 5th grade. It’s no wonder my trust in another people is the way it is. One through friend, my mother, passed away but that’s something you can’t control. Having friends online is different from the ones offline. But that’s better than having no friends at all. In a way, friendships are a little important to me. I wouldn’t mind if I had at least one friend close by but no one is on the horizon right now. I am alone but not lonely.

RIP Dolores O’Riordan

Mia5 Comments

This week the music world faced another shock. The singer from ‘The Cranberries‘, Dolores O’Riordan passed away. It hasn’t been said what the cause of her death was. She was only 46 and she was full of life. It’s a shock for her family and band members but also for the fans. It’s such a shame people die when they still have years to live.

I remember when I studied for the first time in another city and the girls who lived in the room beside mine (and my roommate) kept playing the song ‘Zombie’ and at the time I didn’t like The Cranberries at all. It was only years later I began to like the band. How things change over the years. I wouldn’t call myself a fan but whenever I heard them on the radio, I didn’t change the channel.

My favourite song is ‘Salvation’ so I decided to post this video. She will be dearly missed.

RIP Dolores O’Riordan

Agile but lazy

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st petersburg traffic
Saint Petersburg traffic 2016

I really have difficulties starting things and when I do, I hardly finish them. I’m such a lazy person. I can be agile on some things. Like thinking. My mind is full of different thoughts. It might look like I’m not doing anything but my brain is working nonstop. That is typical for an introvert. I don’t know about others but the reason I keep things to myself in a conversation is that the person can’t keep up with me. When I talk to my dad and change the subject, he thinks I’m still talking about the same thing even if I’m not. I usually keep a pause between subjects so he doesn’t get confused. I think before I speak so I don’t need to say things straight away. My mouth is faster than the sound so I have to repeat myself to others. I rather not say anything at all because I can’t stand repeating myself.

I prefer writing to talking. If I write my thoughts down by hand, my handwriting is hard to read. Sometimes I can’t even read my own handwriting. Writing on the computer is much more fun which is the reason why I write some of my fanfiction straight on the computer. It also saves a lot of time. When ideas come flooding, there is no stopping. Most of the agile I have is in the mind. I wish I could think less and just take a chance.

It feels like I’m really far behind everyone else in my age group. I’ve thought about things too much instead of doing something. I’m a dreamer and not a doer. I also change my mind a lot. Others have probably changed careers a few times already and I haven’t even started mine. Even people younger than me have had more job experience than I have. It’s no wonder they get the jobs I’ve applied to. When I don’t have enough motivation to do things, I just give up. It’s both laziness and the fear of failure. I could blame others for the problems I have but in the end, it’s really my own attitude I should work on.

I hate doing things in a hurry. I want to take my time. If you do things in a hurry, the result won’t be very good. I missed and forgot things because I did them in a haste. I only get frustrated and nervous. I don’t know why life must be so agile. People want to do things right this minute. Slowness can be agitating, like slow internet connection which drives me crazy sometimes. But everything doesn’t need to be done in a hurry. The world doesn’t end if you don’t do things at certain times. You don’t need to have a 20-year plan. People should live their life the way they see fit. If they want to have a family before 25 let them have it. If people want to stay single rest of their life, it’s their choice. Life would be much easier if we all accepted different ways to live. If my slowness bothers other people, it’s not my concern. I get things done my way and on my own time.