My family has not had a real Christmas tree for decades. The last time we had one was probably in the 1990s. Too many spruce needles were on the floor, so we didn’t bother buying one. We used a small plastic one that my grandmother used to own. That’s the only Christmas tree I will have. I won’t stay home for Christmas anyway, so there is no point having one.
Instead of having a real tree at home, there is the official one in front of the local church. It’s not an unknown fact for the Finns, but for you who don’t know, the official Christmas tree has been a tradition since the 20th century. Every year, there’s a new one, and on January 13, it will be used for something else, so nothing will go to waste. Every city in Finland has one, but this tree is the most elegant. It also has a fresh scent that plastic trees don’t have. Going under a spruce tree feels like you’re in the woods. It’s not everywhere you can get under a Christmas tree, right?
It’s December, but it doesn’t look like it. If you want to see snow in Finland, you need to go up North. But then you will meet the darkness despite the snow. The sun doesn’t show in Lapland for a while because of the polar night. It’s right down austere if you’re not used to it. I think people who live in the South of Finland suffer more from it because they don’t know how to handle it the same way. Snow would make it less dark, but now it’s dull and depressing. It’s more about attitude. If you see darkness as bad and don’t see anything positive about it, you look at it incorrectly. You shouldn’t stop living just because it’s not light outside. The sun sometimes shows in the South of Finland, so it’s not always dark. There was snow in November, but it melted. The weather forecast predicted there would be snow this week, so that will be less austere.
Some people get depressed when it gets dark earlier, but I don’t mind. It’s cosy when you can sit inside with the lights on and do things you usually do. If I go outside, looking at people’s balconies with Christmas lights is nice. Then, the city has lights and decorations all over. If you complain about how grey and depressive things are, then it’s no wonder you feel depressed. Put on the lights and the candles. Listen to music, watch a movie and anything you fancy. Take a walk outside or take a car ride. Or maybe go to the shopping mall and look in the windows. You don’t need to buy happiness. If you look outside and think, “It’s so dark, ” don’t. It won’t be like that forever. When the darkness is over, you complain about it being too light. What is wrong with us? Nothing is ever good enough. Negative thinking is never good, so stay positive and find something good in everything. Have a cookie. Even the smallest thing can make you feel better. Things are only austere because you make them to be, so don’t. They can be simple if you want to.
Ever had the thought that no matter how many times you try, you feel like a failure? You don’t get the attention you’re looking for. When no one else believes in you, giving up is easier. But nothing would be new if everyone thought the same, and the world wouldn’t have evolved as it is. Everybody won’t become great inventors, but we can do something about our lives. You can either work for others, or you can work for yourself. The latter is the hard way, which scares or worries people, including me. I don’t want to fail because that’s not an option. I don’t have time to start over again. That’s one reason I haven’t taken the step I wish to take, the fear of failure. I’ve failed in different ways. Whether it’s been education or finding a job. Certain things you can’t do yourself, like getting a job. That’s more about luck than failure. I’ve been luckier getting into a school I applied to than getting a job. They say you have a better chance of getting a job if you educate yourself, but in my experience, that isn’t true. Maybe it’s true in some occupations but not in mine.
My biggest fear the most is not being able to pay the bills if I become an entrepreneur. To be paid for a job, you need clients. It’s easier to search for a job but that haven’t happened to me, so I’m seriously thinking about becoming one. I’m already active on social media and have take courses about different approached to online marketing. But my worry is that despite doing what needs to be done, I still don’t get any clients. Am I wasting my time and should I forget about it? Maybe my business plan or dream clients doesn’t exist? What if I’m not good enough because I don’t have work experience and that’s the reason I don’t find clients? Those are the questions I keep asking myself. I don’t want to take the risk to have a business, if I have to wait couple of years to make a profit. Then a job with someone else would be better or being unemployment with benefits. Fortunally, with good planning and good confidence in my skills it won’t take that long. You don’t need to struggle with problems alone because there are people who can help.
I know I work better in an environment that I can control. I’ve been to workplaces where I didn’t feel I belonged. I don’t want to do a job I don’t want to do. Life shouldn’t be about doing things you’re not meant for. I believe you should follow your dreams even if they seem impossible in some other persons eyes. There are always people who hope you fail but that’s because they’re not brave enough to do anything about their own hopes and dreams. When my late Dad worked for another company before he started his own, there were people who were jealous because he made more money than them. But that didn’t stop him from doing a job. He started his company in 1990 and quit at least 2 years before his death this year. He had his ups and downs financially, but his occupation was different from mine. He was a goldsmith and that was an uncertain business. I followed from the sidelines how having a business worked, so I know how it is. He could chose his own hours and that’s more my style too. I’m not meant to do 9-5 jobs and people breathing down my neck. I want to be able to be myself and not try to act to be someone I’m not.
In my world 