Tag: rant

Hazy shades of ambivalent

Mia2 Comments
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Many people don’t care about my unemployment, but I write about it anyway. It isn’t my fault no one wants to hire me. I got another rejection from a graphic design job. All those studies I had haven’t gotten me anywhere. I’m getting tired of trying to find something to apply to. I must apply for at least one monthly, or they will take my benefits away. I have ambivalent feelings about the whole job thing. I will never get experience when I can’t even get an internship. I’m getting too old for this shit. I feel like a failure when it comes to work. It’s like people think I want to be unemployed. I’m a healthy person, so that isn’t why I haven’t got a job. The only fault I have is my lack of work experience and my atopic skin, so I can’t do specific jobs. Other than that, I should get something. I only get suggestions for jobs I’m not suited for. I want to do something with graphic design and photography. But how can I get experience when I only get rejections?

I’m worried I’m not suitable for becoming an entrepreneur, either. Even if I had gone to a course about it. Getting people to notice you feels like hard work, and all that paperwork sounds overwhelming. I can’t decide what to do. I don’t have the confidence to succeed without having job experience in the field. I can hardly get any likes on my personal social media accounts. What if I don’t find clients, and if I do, how do I do things? It’s been a while since I designed anything. I try to make up fake projects, but I never have time. I have too much free time on my hands and too much sleep. If I had a good reason to wake up earlier, I would. I should get a grip on myself. I have no one who can give me a pep talk anymore. My late mother was good at that. My late dad wasn’t the same since he had other things on his mind. He had a business, so entrepreneurship should be in my blood. He made jewellery, but my field is different. My cousin has a business, and also my late grandfather, who I never met because he died when my mother was a child. A few people in my family tree were entrepreneurs, so it wouldn’t be surprising if I decided to do it, too.

If there is a positive thing about being unemployed, it is that I can do things that interest me. I can go places without having to think about whether I get off work or not. The downside is the financial side, and the other is not having human contact. Life can become one-sided if you don’t do something else for a change. I wish I wasn’t forced to apply for jobs when there is nothing suitable to apply to. There is more to life than wasting your time on writing applications. Especially when you know you won’t even get an interview. I wish I could leave this wheel of job search forever. I can either accept my current fate or do something about it.

“Why are these things never clear” Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Only human after all

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human eye
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“I’m only human, flesh and blood; I’m made”

That’s what Human League sings in the song “Human”. It’s an 80s band if you didn’t know. I’m not a robot who can’t show emotions. Right now, I’m upset. Nothing works. I can’t play Angry Birds on Facebook. Grammarly doesn’t check my spelling on this post. But then it does it again. I can’t stand it when things don’t work. I should take a deep breath and calm down, but still, I don’t. I can’t help being emotional. Sometimes I just want to scream. And maybe cry. There are so many things that irritate me, and most of those are other people. Especially stupid people. Those who with no common sense. Were they dropped on the head as a child? Or maybe their parents were just dumb. Stupid people get stupid kids. It must be difficult to be stupid. Then again, some are so stupid, they don’t know they are. The world is full of them and other idiots too. As long as you don’t sink to their level. There are smart people in the world too. Stupidity comes in many forms. People who think they’re clever are actually stupid.

It has been proved during the Covid. Some people think the whole pandemic doesn’t even exist. So people just get it, and some die just for fun? They probably believe in conspiracy theories. JFK wasn’t murdered. Man didn’t walk on the moon. And those kinds of things. They act like spoilt brats. They don’t want to wear a mask. They don’t want to keep their distance. They want to live the way they always had. They have become somewhat obsolete. A shame it’s mostly young people. How selfish can someone be anyway? I hate people who only think about what is good for them. How can someone be so in love with parties, and being with friends, not caring at all? The attitude toward this disease is still arrogant. Do they think this vaccine will make it all go away? If we don’t all work together, Covid will be here for years. Should we need to tide young people to their beds or what? Covid is such a nice thing to have. Let’s not care at all. If we just close our eyes and wish it will disappear. So what if old people die? They gonna die anyway. If you live in denial and selfish like that, it will come back and bite you. Karma is a bitch. In Finland, we don’t have a curfew, but maybe soon we will. I think only young people should have it. They are the ones spreading the disease with their stupid parties and gatherings. Decent people shouldn’t need to suffer because certain people don’t care about anything else besides themselves. Sometimes I’m ashamed of humankind. Its unbelievable people like this are alive.

Yet again, I’m wasting my time on this. No one cares if I post this on Twitter. No likes my latest photos on Instagram again, so I have to like my own posts. Why do I bother anyway? It’s not a question; it’s an observation. They should have an edit button on both Twitter and Instagram. Whatever, hashtags don’t help. I still get nada likes. At least I get likes on WordPress from time to time. So bored with social media. I also put LinkedIn on private, so at least I can keep up with things I’ve studied and work. I’m not surprised people get depressed. Using social media makes you feel even more lonely. The best cure is to write your thoughts down or try to find someone to talk to. Sleeping helps, too, if you’re feeling down. Deep depression is a different thing, which I don’t have. Hang on there. It can’t last forever. Enjoying the small things because big things are harder to digest. Best of luck to you all.

Your consult is an insult

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I don’t know how many times I’ve been to these job search courses. They’ve been quite useless. *But at least I have something to do. Like I don’t have anything else in my jobless life*. Quite frankly, their consulting is insulting. You don’t get a job; they do. They give you advice on what to do to find a job, but that doesn’t work. You must be someone special to get attention. If you don’t have an impressive resume, you don’t even get a chance. I’ve also been to a career coaching course, but I found the web design education through that one. I haven’t had much use to that school, though. Real-life has been totally different. No one wants to hire someone who hasn’t got work experience. This whole “go to a job search and doors will open” is full of it. Sound bitter? I bet I am, but some people have been to courses like that, and all they did were playing some kids games. I have got at least something out of it. I know what kind of job I want to do.

I still haven’t got a job despite that. I just don’t have anything to offer. I don’t have any marketing value, or whatever you call it. I’m a ‘boring’ person. I don’t know how to brand myself. I also lack job experience. That’s probably one of the reasons. The second is job interviews. Trying to teach me to be better at it doesn’t work. They never go as I’ve planned it. I always forget what to say to the answers to the questions. No matter how I prepare, they just don’t work. In job search tips, people forget that you need to have something on your resume. You can’t just make it pretty if you have nothing to show for it. I also hate writing cover letters. I never know what to put in them. Finnish is also not my strongest language either. Then again, I don’t know what to write them in any language. Finding a job in a creative business is even harder. There you need to have some kind of skill. You also need a few years of experience. I’ve been to job fairs, but there is never any creative businesses there.

There are many different ways to search for a job. The most overrated platform there is, and that’s LinkedIn. I don’t know for who it’s meant for. ‘Look at me’ – types, ‘Look at my company’ -types or for who? It’s not for ordinary job seekers, that’s for sure. There are consults about how to get ‘noticed’ on LinkedIn too. Personally, I find it useless, and when I go there, I only want to give it the finger. I’ve decided I will only keep it for my own good—a reminder to myself what I have done so far. For job search, it’s only crap.

I just don’t fit anywhere. I can’t find a place where I have the same values, or I’m just too introverted. You have to be outgoing and this and that. I’m too old to get a job I have no education for. I wouldn’t get one of those anyway. I want a job I know something about. I know I’ve studied the “wrong” occupation, and I can blame myself for that (I’m not really). But I rather am unemployed than be in a job I hate. At least I can do what I want. Besides, of this covid still being around, I want to stay away from unnecessary social events. I have so many other things to think about, so I don’t have time to stress about my job search right now. I want to concentrate on driving school first.

*Sarcasm