My plate is empty
Tried so many things
I worked hard, mentally
Never got anything on a plate
Some people get more luck
My plate is empty
Maybe I should give up
Live in welfare
My plate is empty
I’m plain and have no glamour
Thought I was fine in what I do
No one wants to give me a chance
My plate is empty
But I’m strong and I can get over it
It’s not a big deal
I find joy in small things
My plate is empty
Don’t worry, I will get by somehow
I went to the career coaching thing because I wanted to elucidate my job search skills (and the job centre suggested it). I did get my cover letter and resume updated, but the rest is dishevelled. There is a difference between sending an open application to an ordinary job and to a place where a portfolio is essential. I don’t think I will get any replies from the companies I applied to. They don’t look for people like me. They probably take someone with an impressive portfolio. Honestly, mine isn’t that good. I should get more job experience, but I don’t think I even get an internship. I might sound pessimistic, but you become that when things never go the way you wish. The ‘you don’t know if you don’t try’- thing isn’t what I believe in. I’ve tried that many times, but nothing has come out of it. It has worked when it comes to studying, but never in the job search. One of the downsides of sending open applications is that you never know if they will get in touch with you. It can take ages, or they never do. I’m not gonna wait for it. They say you should be in contact with the companies you sent them to. But that feels awkward, and it feels like you’re disturbing them. You shouldn’t say to me that the worse thing that can happen is if they say no. It will be no, and those words don’t make me feel better. It only makes me feel even more useless and unmotivated. Life shouldn’t be about job search. It’s not a full day job. Will never understand why someone would want to waste their whole day on it.
The only time things aren’t dishevel is when it comes to spare time. I have a lot to do on that front. I went to an ice hockey game a few days ago. Nothing beats a live sports event. I never get to see ice hockey on TV because it’s on a paid TV channel. I only listen to the radio. I didn’t get to the event in time because I took the wrong bus and then got lost. I had to take a taxi, so I lost 15 euros there. If I only wouldn’t have believed the bus app, I wouldn’t have gotten on the wrong bus. I knew what bus to take, but I thought I would take another bus that went the same way. Never be too sure where you are. If you know an easier way to do things, do it that way. I’ve learned my lesson. Next time I go and see ice hockey, I will take the bus that gets closer to the place where the event is held. The trip home went right, so I got home safely.
Things can’t stay the same all the time. They have to elucidate sometime. It has in the past. Anything can happen in this life. Or it might not happen at all. I wish certain things would come more often my way, but I guess that’s too much to ask. I just need to move on. You fall, but you get up again. If, at first, you don’t succeed, you might have the 100th time. Whatever success means to you, it’s the right one. For me, it’s finishing this blog post. Tomorrow it might be something else.
If I could reinstall something in my life, it’s the choices I’ve made. But you can’t go back. You can only live in the present. I don’t regret things, but I wish I could have done things differently. One of them is about occupations. I wish I had known earlier what I wanted to do. I was so into thinking about it, I missed things other people did. I shouldn’t have lived in the bubble. I was too worried about the things that could go wrong. I wished I had been brave. Now I will probably be alone with nobody around me. I could quickly become a recluse. I could live in a place where there are no people around. But I wouldn’t want to be there all the time. I’m a city person, so I need to see other people. I’m not a green thumb, so I couldn’t grow my own food or have a garden. I don’t even change the soil in my late mother’s plants.
Sometimes I think maybe I should have to reinstall my blogging path. Write about something more popular. But that can be changed at any time. I’m not very good at that advice-giving thing that seems to be in many blogs. I also don’t want to be like any other blog. I’m only blogging for fun. It wouldn’t be as fun if I did it for a living. It’s a lot of stress to think about blog subjects. So I wouldn’t want to reinstall my path in blogging. That wouldn’t be me anymore. I don’t want to reinstall myself. I like the way I am. I’ve come this far, and I want to move on. This blog is part of me, and if I reinstalled it, I would also reinstall me. I can not let that happen, do I?
In my world 