Tag: rdp

Distance does not affect me

Mia2 Comments
mountains in the distance
Made in Canva

For some distance is a big problem during these times. Some might get depressed they can’t meet their friends or family. We are all different. But for me, there is no problem. I’m not overwhelmed at all. Maybe I’m missing my workmates but it’s not the end of my world. I can’t understand people who are addicted to other people. I’ve survived without human contacts for years so why complain about it now? I actually like it when people keep a distance. I’m such a lazy person so I don’t feel like going out. I don’t know what’s so bad about being home anyway that people want to leave it. Besides this thing that is happening in the world right now won’t last forever. If people would only keep away from other people but I guess it’s too hard for some. Distance is the word right now and people should respect that because then things will never get better.

If I find something overwhelming I don’t do them. In school, Math was something I was really overwhelmed by because I thought it was hard. I hated the whole subject. Then you just had to go through it but now you don’t need to. I think all you need to know how to add up and all those basic things. You don’t even need those because there are calculators so you don’t need to count in your head. You don’t even need to buy things with money. You have a card for that. If I pay with money I pay with a banknote. Which is the reason why I have so many coins in my wallet. I dislike counting money at the checkout so I rather not do it. I do it before that. But mostly I pay with a debit card because it’s the easiest way. My card has a contactless payment so I don’t even need to touch anything. Some people pay with their phones but I don’t really trust that system. I can’t probably download any of that on my phone anyway. I rather use a card.

Another thing that I find overwhelming is how to describe myself to others. Or just to get to know people. So I keep my distance because I don’t want to disturb others or giving the wrong impression of me. At least I did in the past. It really depends if I feel confident that day or what kind of people they are. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all at my current job when I first got there. When I keep my distance some people might think I’m shy or that I don’t like people. I could say the same about them. Why don’t they contact me? Why must I be the first one? I get the picture they don’t even want to get to know me. Maybe I’m boring in their eyes. They’re the ones who have an attitude and not me. As you get older you don’t care what others think. As long as you know yourself is all that matters. Distance doesn’t affect me. Actually, I welcome it. The worst thing is people who are too clingy and can’t stay away from other people. They’re the ones you should be worried about.

teach cubes on table

Teach me until I’m impeccable

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No one is impeccable and no one can teach you to be it. But you can be as impeccable as you can in your own mind. Humans are supposed to have faults. Even people who seem impeccable are not. You have to know them in person to know how they’re like. Some people think they’re above everyone and they’re the only ones who have the right to be on this planet. It’s useless to compete with people like that. You should use your energy to more useful things than trying to please other people. I’ve known people personally who thought they’re better but for real they’re were only showing their own faults. You don’t need people in your life that only wants to bring you down. It’s a cliché but life is short. There should not be toxic people in anyone’s life. What you don’t know you can learn.

There can be people who might not like what I write or they don’t agree. If it’s blogging or writing fiction. But you can’t please everyone. The same goes with other things. I wish someone could teach me drawing for example. I used to do it when I was a kid but then later not so much. I think I got some kind of resentment towards drawing when in 6th grade we had a group assignment where we would draw a character and it was totally ignored from my schoolmates. I’ve thought I couldn’t draw at all so I didn’t. Even when I studied graphic design in 2009-2011, I didn’t like it at all. My teacher said that I was afraid of drawing but in my opinion, it was because of what happened in the early years. It felt I would be judged for not knowing how to draw. But then when I studied graphic design again last year, the teacher we had said, anyone can draw and it’s about finding your own style (is ugly a style, I wonder). We also learned how to find inspiration and how to brainstorm ideas. I’m never gonna be impeccable in drawing and I’m not planning to become an illustrator but I wish I was more comfortable with it. You can only learn if you practice but it’s hard to when you don’t have the confidence to do it.

The only creative thing I have absolute confidence in is writing. It’s such a natural thing for me. I have no problems commentating online either. Someone is shy to interact on the internet so they don’t activate themselves that much. Sometimes you just wanna observe things. Some don’t have the urge to express their opinions online. For me, it’s easier to express myself by writing. Especially in English. It’s actually more natural for me than writing in my own language. Besides, certain words sound better in English than in Finnish, for example. Of course, since this blog is in English I write it in that language. Practise (practice) makes you impeccable. Or as impeccable as possible. I got an ‘A’ in English in school in my primary school leaving certificate and my English has improved so much after that. And I’m still learning. If I only would feel as confident in other things than I am in English.

Graphic design is something I would want to get better at. Maybe the most cynical would think, this person hasn’t done much graphic design so how can they call themselves a graphic designer. Or think I’m not good enough to be that and that I should do something else. Or I don’t if anyone would think that. It was just an example. I’m just too critical about myself. Design educations have taught me all I need to know so I don’t need to go to school again. I rather spend money on something else. In schools, they teach you the basics and I don’t need a repeat in that. There is also a lot of information online where you can self-study. There are schools where they offer Bachelor’s degrees in graphic design (also in Helsinki Design School) but why should I go. I already have degrees in graphic design. Maybe if you don’t have a talent you need to have a fancy degree. I know graphic designers who don’t have a bachelor’s degree but still have a career. In the end, it’s the job experience that counts and not what kind of degree you have. It’s not like graphic design is operating on humans. Creating something isn’t super science. The most difficult thing is to know what kind of design you want to master.

I would rather learn things good than become impeccable because if you’re already there, there is nothing new to learn. You can teach yourself things you’re interested in. It’s more fun that way.

Finally orchestrated what I want

Mia1 Comment
Made in Canva

Finding something that satisfies you the most can be difficult. Especially when you’re young and need to decide what you want to do with your life. You think you have to decide there and then what you want to do for the rest of your life. But it’s not that easy. You can’t decide on your whole life. It changes and your opinions changes. You’re allowed to change your mind. What you thought as a teen doesn’t necessarily apply when you’re an adult. It shouldn’t even be like that. You should grow and move on. Experiences change you. People change you. You should become wiser as you get older. Maybe still make the same mistakes because in certain things you never learn. When you finally orchestrate what you want, you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

It took me years to discover what I wanted to do in life. I tried to study different things but I didn’t find anything that I would feel passionate about. Nothing seemed to feel right. I was so concentrated on what job I wanted to do so I missed out on other things. You can’t really miss anything that you never had though. I was independent and I didn’t need anyone else. My priorities were elsewhere so I didn’t think much about it. I’m also very hard to please in certain things but that will remain private. I didn’t want a so-called normal job. I wasn’t looking for a miracle either. If you want things done, you need to do them on your own terms. I was lucky to have parents who supported me to choose what profession I wanted. Some parents might push their kids to the limits and that can cause other problems later on. I was free to do what felt most natural. My parents knew I couldn’t be told what to do so they didn’t force me to. I’m still like that. Apparently, before I learned to walk, they wondered when do I actually start to do that. I crawled a lot and one day I just stood up and started walking. That’s a story my dad told me. Maybe I was just careful or I was afraid to start walking. It could also be because I didn’t want to get rushed. I wanted to do it in my own time and that’s how my life has been. I don’t like rushing things because then the quality won’t be good. In that sense, I’m a perfectionist. In certain other things, I’m not that fussy.

When I finally find that thing I want to do, I don’t get to do them. That’s graphic design. At my current job (which I’m temporarily laid off from) I don’t get to do much design. I was only there for two weeks until this coronavirus came. The job is mostly internal and external communication. Now when I have free time I could practice the programs but now I think about something else instead. I don’t even think I’m good enough to be a graphic designer but I still want to do it. I’ve thought about the web design but that seems too much work. I can hardly update my own website. I would like graphic design to be the main thing. When my current job contract ends I wish I didn’t need to look for a job in the open market. Maybe this break from the job is a sign for me to start something on my own. The time is probably not right now because businesses are in trouble and it’s harder to find clients. This would be a good time to at least think what kind of services I should have. I’m just glad I don’t have to think about what to do in life anymore. Finally orchestrated what I want and that is a relief.