Bloganuary: The best of me

feet and a cruise ship

Day 26. What is your favourite part about yourself?- it sounds like a job interview question. I have a lot of good qualities, so I can’t just choose one. Everyone should be proud of who they are. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t appreciate them and tries to change you. Unless they are bad qualities, and even then, you are the one who should be open to making the changes.

What people seem to lack is being considerate. They only think about themselves and don’t see there are other people. They have no respect for rules either. They smoke in front of you, and they don’t even ask for permission. They talk loudly no matter what time it is. This is a problem in high-rise buildings. You would think they are hard of hearing. It’s the same with playing music out loud in the middle of the night. There are rules that you shouldn’t make loud noises after 10 pm. When you live in a building with other people, you should respect other people who live there. You can’t act the way you want to. It’s strange that adults don’t know how to be. Just to name of few reasons. I’ve been brought up to be considerate towards others. I can’t understand people who aren’t. Sometimes I wish I lived in a place where there were no other people around. If there were, they should be as considerate as me. People with good manners are always welcome.

I’m also compassionate. I can put myself in someone else’s shoes. Especially if I’ve experienced it personally. I could never hurt anyone of purpose. If I have, I feel bad afterwards. I will never understand why someone wants to hurt someone else. I know how it feels when no one seems to care about you. Bullying kids or adults isn’t right. There have always been different people, and we should respect that. It won’t change by bullying just because they’re different from you. People are afraid of things they don’t understand. Certain people try to be cool, but they only look like fools. The bullies are the ones with the problem. It’s a shame they don’t get the help they need. Having compassion is a quality more people should have. I’m glad I have it, and I don’t need to search for approval from other people. I had enough attention at home.

I’m relatively open-minded. Sometimes I do doubt about trying something new. I’m open-minded about different ways of living. It’s doesn’t matter what sexuality you are or what race you are. All that matters is that you know who you are and are happy in the things you do. As long as you respect others and don’t judge. I dislike it when people assume about things. You should research first before making up your mind. Things are not always the way they seem. I admit that sometimes I disapprove of certain things, but that’s only because I didn’t think they would happen for real. One of them is polyamory relationships. People who live with more than one partner. I just don’t get it. I thought that only happened in fiction. It’s a bit weird that’s a thing. The same with open relationships. So one wasn’t enough?! I wouldn’t say it’s disgusting, but it’s something I would never do. I can’t even find one. If I was looking, that is. People can live the way they want. Who am I to judge?!

One final good quality I have is that I know how to do many different things. I might not be good enough at it, but I’m versatile. I have studied many things. Most of them are creative. People might think I don’t know what I want. The truth is, I do, but I don’t know what I should focus on. I want to do so much, but I’m also indecisive, which is also a bad quality of mine. What I do best is writing. I used to want to do something that I could use that skills. I didn’t want to become an author like people thought when I said I wanted to write. I can hardly finish a fanfiction story, so how could I finish a book. I thought I wanted to become a journalist, but I wasn’t good at writing news or doing interviews. I have always written something. Diaries, stories in school etc. Writing as a hobby was good enough for me. I discovered blogging and real person fan fiction, and here I am. I love writing in English. When I try to write in Finnish or Swedish, I don’t get any ideas. Since English is an international language, it gets more readers. I was very good at it in school too.

The past changes the future

Photo: ©Isaque Pereira/Pexels

Sometimes it’s better to be straight than being dishonest. It might hurt, but it’s better than be walked over. I wish I would have been braver when I was younger. There were certain people I wished I could have told where to get off. Like that guy in one school where I went to who asked me if I had been in a horror movie. I could have asked him the same. He wasn’t that special either. He was an idiot, and he wasn’t the only one. But that’s the past, and I have met better people than him after that.

It’s kind of funny now when my former schoolmates in primary school didn’t give a damn about me. In the gym, I was always picked up last even if I was good at it. Unlike that “bully” who was bad at it. She was probably jealous. Hard cheese. She probably never even had spots. I have never met them after I changed class in 7th grade. I was glad I got rid of them. I don’t care how they are doing in life. It’s no concern of mine. The class I was at from 1st grade to 4th was much better. If I wasn’t forced to stay at 4th grade for another year, then I probably wouldn’t have needed to go through this ‘bullying’ stage. In the 1st class, you had more than one friend. If one friend was ill, you always had another friend to be with. The atmosphere was very good there. Next time I had that feeling was when I studied media playwriting in 2002-2003.

In a way, past experiences have put me off friendships and even relationships. I don’t like that kind of drama people cause. I have met a lot of different people, but I don’t call them friends. They are more like acquaintances. Or people only walking by and then move on. I don’t believe being alone is bad for you. For me, it suits me very well. I don’t need a lot of people around, and I’ve never had. I can’t understand how someone can have more than 5 friends. It would be too exhausting for my taste. I’m not that depended on other people. When I was a kid, a girl had only one friend, but boys had more than one. Heaven forbid if you wanted to tag along with those other two girls, they looked at you like you were an alien. You knew by their look that you weren’t wanted. At least that’s what I have experienced.

The past shapes your future. For the better or for, the worse. If I hadn’t experienced what I have during my life, things would probably be different. You can’t change the past, but you can make your future better. If you can’t let your past go, you can’t move on because that’s what life should be, moving on. It’s really about your attitude towards the things you have experienced. You can either dwell on how you should have handled the situation or become stronger and stop caring what other’s might think of you. It’s your life and you can do anything you feel without having to ask for permission about how to be. The best revenge is not caring and moving on by doing what’s good for you.

Don’t call me fastidious

cracked concrete wall
Made in Canva

People might see me as fastidious because it takes time for me to decide. But don’t call me that because I’m not. The only time I can be fastidious is about food or if a painting on the wall is crooked. Other times I’m not. Some people rush to things and they settle for what they’ve got. I don’t go for the second-best. I don’t become friends with someone just to have someone to rely on. I have to have something in common with this person. The same goes for the opposite sex. I think it’s the men that are fastidious because they mostly go for pretty people. Because I’m not typical-looking they don’t even look my way. I’ll rather be alone than be ridiculed because I don’t look a certain way. “Well, you should be like this and look like this to get a date” Sorry to disappoint but I change for no one and I won’t join that fancy dress party no matter how hard I try. Besides, you can’t change a person for what they are. Being independent is much more fun anyway.

I’m not particularly fastidious when it comes to writing fiction either. I’m not that much into detail. Writing what a character is wearing is especially difficult. I prefer the story to small details. I let the reader imagine what they’re wearing. Since I only write for fun I don’t find things like that very important. It would probably be different if I was an author where things like that probably are crucial. I also don’t know how to describe a character’s appearance. I see the word ‘chiselled’ a lot in stories but I have no idea what that looks like. The detail on someone’s face is also hard so I don’t write that kind of stuff. Hair colour and such are easy but that as far as it goes. I write about real people so those who read my fiction know how the characters look like in real life. Stories are made-up.

Some people are fastidious when they watch movies. They find even the smallest mistake. I just want to enjoy a movie and not take it so seriously. Even with movies I’ve seen many times before. I watch movies for the stories and not if someone shirt has changed to some other colour. Making movies is like life, nothing is perfect. It’s supposed to be entertainment and not looking for flaws. I guess these people look at people the same way they search for mistakes in movies. Or they got too much time on their hands can be another option. Trying to find mistakes in movies takes out all the fun of this form of enjoyment.

So don’t call me fastidious because there are people worse than me. Sometimes being fastidious in certain things is not a bad thing though. I can be like that sometimes but that’s not what I should be called. I know my likes and my dislikes so that doesn’t mean it’s fastidious. I just have limited tolerance for nonsense and that should be enough to describe it.