Tag: self doubt

Nothing unexpected ever happens

MiaLeave a comment
Made in Canva

This is another boring post. Nothing unexpected ever happens anyway. The only thing that has happened is that this blog now has over 800 likes. Small yay. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a weirdos magnet. I don’t mean this blog. It’s more about social media. I don’t know if I bother to use it as much anymore. I rarely get any reactions to my tweets. It depends on the subject, though. I never get decent followers. Maybe I’m being chased by bots. I’m not even sure my followers on Twitter are real people. The same with Instagram. Some of them are real people. But they’re just there. Using social media as a hobby isn’t a big deal. I have no luck in the business one either.

I don’t know why I write this blog post. I have nothing to say. I could have only let it be. I’m so boring, and no one truly cares. No one is maybe a tad extreme, though. Sometimes only writing to myself isn’t enough. Why bother to do anything? Everything is so boring. They were boring long before covid. Nothing unexpected happens to me anyway. If my life was a TV series, it would the most boring ever. I’m so untalented too. My work never gets mentioned on someone’s Instagram. It makes me feel down every time this place (Helsinki Design School) shows their current students work on their account. My assignment wasn’t that good, and I still blow at it. I will never become a graphic designer—any designer for that matter. Many of my former schoolmates have probably moved on, and who knows what kind of great achievements they already have. I’m mostly disappointed in myself for being such a lazy person. I can only blame myself for not being brave enough. I also have awful ideas. Or no ideas at all, so I don’t feel like practising it either.

I don’t feel like writing this post anymore. I only want to watch videos on Youtube or something else online. So nothing unexpected ever happens. Well, I don’t want drama anyway.

Always dubious

Mia1 Comment

question marksSometimes I feel like I don’t really know what I want from life. I’m always dubious about my skills. Am I good enough? Do other people see me as an uncertain person who has a low self-esteem? Am I too negative? I constantly doubt myself. I should be confident and believe in me. If I don’t believe in myself, how can I expect others to do the same? I shouldn’t compare myself to others but when I see other people work on Behance for example, I feel I never have a chance. They have done more in design than me and they’re younger. I’m only started and they’ve done it for years. I don’t have much to show. If I apply for a job, I know I won’t get it. They take someone who’s done a lot of things. I’m never even had a real job but at least I’ve had clients. It was on the job learning but it still should count.

What I dislike the most about the job search is writing a cover letter. I never know how to start and what to write. I can’t find words to describe myself. Another problem is, do I have enough knowledge to do the job? It’s not like I keep practising my skills. It feels like my style is not good enough to get a job. I have these ideas but maybe they just look good in my head. It’s difficult for me to judge my own work. At the moment I’m planning some self-promotion but it feels all the work will be a waste. I don’t want to waste time on something that has no value in the end. I also get distracted easily. Watching a video or writing fiction seems more interesting than a doing actual job. In my case, practice.

I would think I would know by now what I actually want. But I’m still confused. I’m too dubious about things I do and think. I probably change my mind like Madonna changes styles. If I got the doubt out of my mind, things would be easier. Now I just run around in circles. I applied for one job at least while I thought about what to write in this post. That’s something at least. I could say fingers crossed but I still doubt I’ll even get an interview. You never know if you don’t try, right?