Tag: sleep

Build me a place without people

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Vanhalinna, Turku, Finland

You get to build your perfect space for reading and writing. What’s it like?

Daily Writing Prompt

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. I was on a cruise to Tallinn. They say travelling broadens the mind, but it also makes you tired. My Christmas holiday was two nights on a cruise ship and a long walk in Tallinn for a day. There were many people and noise around, so no wonder I was tired. I took a long nap after I got back to the ship. Even if I slept enough during the cruise, it still exhausted me. I got home yesterday and went to bed at 8 pm. I woke up again after 1 am but went back to sleep. The Junior championship in ice hockey began in Canada, and Finland played at 2.35 am, but I woke up after 3 am even if I had the alarm on. I watched the game, and when the TV broadcasting ended at 5.30 am, I went back to sleep again. I woke closer to 1 pm or maybe after. I didn’t look at the time. I don’t know how many hours I have slept in total, but I still have the rocking feeling I get after a cruise. Sleep did help, though, because I’m not tired now. Getting that contentment feeling when you’ve been around people, and you finally get home to sleep off your tiredness. That’s the best feeling for anyone whose social interactions make them exhausted.

Build me a place without people. A place where I can be in peace with only writing instruments and a listening device that plays only music and no talking. It would be somewhere close to nature. Probably in a cabin in the woods, but there would be electricity and an internet connection. I could move around walking or by bike. If I wanted to go further, the roads should be good enough for driving by car. The place would be close enough to the city where I live. It wouldn’t be a summer cottage like Finns have in the summertime. It would be a place where I could spend time in the winter, too. The sea would be close to where I could go when it’s too hot in the summer. That would be a perfect space for me. In a place like that, I could feel contentment the most. Since I don’t have that, I can still get away from the city to feel solitude, at least for a while.

Hazy shades of ambivalent

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Many people don’t care about my unemployment, but I write about it anyway. It isn’t my fault no one wants to hire me. I got another rejection from a graphic design job. All those studies I had haven’t gotten me anywhere. I’m getting tired of trying to find something to apply to. I must apply for at least one monthly, or they will take my benefits away. I have ambivalent feelings about the whole job thing. I will never get experience when I can’t even get an internship. I’m getting too old for this shit. I feel like a failure when it comes to work. It’s like people think I want to be unemployed. I’m a healthy person, so that isn’t why I haven’t got a job. The only fault I have is my lack of work experience and my atopic skin, so I can’t do specific jobs. Other than that, I should get something. I only get suggestions for jobs I’m not suited for. I want to do something with graphic design and photography. But how can I get experience when I only get rejections?

I’m worried I’m not suitable for becoming an entrepreneur, either. Even if I had gone to a course about it. Getting people to notice you feels like hard work, and all that paperwork sounds overwhelming. I can’t decide what to do. I don’t have the confidence to succeed without having job experience in the field. I can hardly get any likes on my personal social media accounts. What if I don’t find clients, and if I do, how do I do things? It’s been a while since I designed anything. I try to make up fake projects, but I never have time. I have too much free time on my hands and too much sleep. If I had a good reason to wake up earlier, I would. I should get a grip on myself. I have no one who can give me a pep talk anymore. My late mother was good at that. My late dad wasn’t the same since he had other things on his mind. He had a business, so entrepreneurship should be in my blood. He made jewellery, but my field is different. My cousin has a business, and also my late grandfather, who I never met because he died when my mother was a child. A few people in my family tree were entrepreneurs, so it wouldn’t be surprising if I decided to do it, too.

If there is a positive thing about being unemployed, it is that I can do things that interest me. I can go places without having to think about whether I get off work or not. The downside is the financial side, and the other is not having human contact. Life can become one-sided if you don’t do something else for a change. I wish I wasn’t forced to apply for jobs when there is nothing suitable to apply to. There is more to life than wasting your time on writing applications. Especially when you know you won’t even get an interview. I wish I could leave this wheel of job search forever. I can either accept my current fate or do something about it.

“Why are these things never clear” Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Bloganuary: Dreams are made of these

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Day 24. Sometimes I remember my dreams, but they disappear from the mind after a while. I usually dream about places I’ve been to and people I used to know. Before we buried my mother, she used to appear in them. After we did, they disappeared. But I still see her in my dreams. My dreams are also quite strange from time to time. They are in two parts. First, they’re in one place, and suddenly the scenes change. Sometimes they don’t make sense. I own a book about dreams and their meanings. Sometimes I look at it, but that’s only for fun. My dreams have no special meaning. Sometimes when I sleep, I don’t see any dreams. At least not what I remember.

Some people might hear talking in their dreams, but it’s only visual for me. Before I got a driver’s license, I used to have dreams where I drove a car, but I couldn’t find the breaks. The car went really fast. It was quite an awful dream. I don’t have premonition dreams, but this one came true. Last November, I drove on the highway. Suddenly, the gas pedal got stuck to the floor. My heart was beating fast, and it was so scary. Fortunately, there wasn’t any traffic. I carefully put on the break, and it slowed down. My dad was with me, so at least I wasn’t alone. The pedal got stuck in traffic once too. At least I didn’t crash into anyone. The mat on the floor had got under the gas pedal, which was why it got stuck.

I’m usually the spectator in my dreams, and no one sees me. It’s alright if it’s only an ordinary dream. But if it’s a dream about someone I like, I’m a little disappointed. But once, I had a dream where the person did see me, and we even spoke. It was about actor Tom Hiddleston.

I was in some public bathroom brushing my teeth with toothpaste, and he was there too. I said to him “I really hate toothpaste” (which I do in real life) He said something to me, but I don’t what. He was really nice to me.

It was a weird dream, but I was so happy he saw me. I wish I remembered what he said, though. That would have been even better. I have seen a dream about him later too, but it was from afar. Having a good dream after a night sleep makes you feel good the rest of the day. Having a bad dream makes you feel the opposite. Hopefully, I don’t see them very often. It would be nice if you could save your dreams somewhere, but that’s an impossible dream.