Have a little patience, yeah

hourglass patience text
Made in Canva. Lyric from “Patience” by Take That

First, some good news. I passed the driving theory test yesterday. After Easter, I’ll get in touch with the teacher to schedule the driving lessons. There are 4 hours of it, and one part is in a simulator. I haven’t driven a car in 26 years, so I think I start with that one. I’m a bit nervous about that because I’ve never been in one. Maybe driving a real car can be the same. When those are done. Then the only one left is the driving test. I hope I’ll pass that the first try, but I doubt it. If I’m lucky, I will have a drivers license before my birthday in June. What a great birthday present that would be. If you have a little patience, things will follow. I wish I had it in other things too. Patience that is.

Since I was a child, I’ve been a bit impatient. It’s not. Get me things at this right moment. It’s more about giving up too easily. I wasn’t the best student in school. I had issues with certain subjects. Math was one of them. I had tutoring lessons in it. If you’re not good at something, you don’t like doing it. They say you can learn to become better at Math, but I’m not that excited to learn. You must like it to have enough motivation. I rather learn something else instead. As long as you know the basics and understand the value of money, you don’t need to learn all these Y plus X things. Unless you want to become a scientist or something like that. I never understood why you should learn other than how to count this plus this. The same with calculating things in your head. That’s what calculators are for. Math is like coding; I hate both of them. I make many mistakes, and then I just want to give up because things are too difficult.

I don’t know why I bother, but I’ve yet again applied for education. This time for an education called Code Academy. They teach you, that’s right, coding. I probably won’t get in. It’s a recruitment training program. There is a job-learning part where you can work for a company, either a workplace they find or a place the student can find. Only if someone wants the student to work for them, then you get chosen for the education. The problem with education is that you get your hopes up and search for information about the occupation. Then you won’t get chosen anyway. Even if you do get in, you still won’t find a job. So what is the point with educating yourself, besides learning something new? You get no job experience in your field no matter how much you study. It’s silly to start a new career when you haven’t even got anything from your current one. I want to do so many things, and most of them are connected somehow. I always studied creative things, so changing the path to another direction is needless. If it’s neither writing a job application or applying to a school, I’m never good at explaining in words about me and why I want things. I won’t expect too much about this education I applied to. The same with the job application for an IT support person. I don’t know enough of the technical stuff when it comes to computers. I’m not a a novice, but I’m no expert either. In coding things are different. I have studied it and used it too, but it doesn’t mean they will pick me for the education.

I don’t make goals at a certain time. For example, with the driving school. I can only hope I get the license before summer, but I won’t promise the exact date. It depends on so many things. I don’t know when I will get a driving lesson. The teacher said when she called last week that their schedule will become busy after two weeks. Then there is the driving test. The driving school is far from over. I have enough patience to get the licence in my own time. At least I’m closer to achieve it.

Advent Calendar, Day 5

Butterfly girl by Duran Duran

For some Christmas can be a depressive time but there’s still a tomorrow after that. Instead of listening to Christmas carols, you can listen to songs that lifts up your spirit. Instead of wishing to vanish from this earth, how about trying to think something positive. Of course it’s difficult to tell a person who actually do suffer from mental illness to get over it. But if you only feel down from time to time, then thinking positive can help.

When I feel down, music is my savor. The lyric in the photo is from a song by Duran Duran. The lyrics say

Now you’re drunk in the dream of your life as dirt
It might last forever, and that really hurts
And I still hope you’re gonna realize
There’s only one kind of happy in that glass of wine

Some find comfort in food or alcohol but that’s not away to feel better. The problems will still be there. You should try to handle your feelings in some other way. Things are never as bad as we think they are. There’s always a solution to everything. The problem with humans are that we think we’re alone with our problems but there are others too who suffer the same way. That’s one of the reasons why blogging is such a good way to express yourself. Not just blogging but writing in general is good therapy. It doesn’t need to be online. I wrote diaries for years and it helped me a lot. Substances are only a temporary solution and it causes more problems. Talking to someone or writing about your feelings is a much more effective way.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday but in recent years it has become less important. The reason is that our family has reduced. Now it’s only me and my father left. We will be going to Riga again this year because that’s the easiest. As a kid the holiday was more important. I think when I’m alone, I won’t be celebrating it at all. Christmas food has never really been my favorite food anyway. I’m a bit lazy to make any and the ones you can buy are not good at all. The only thing I would make myself is a dry cake and joulutorttu (Christmas tart) Christmas won’t never be a depressive time for me because I’ll always find something positive about it. The only time I was sad at Christmas was when my mother had died about 8 days earlier (December 15, 2013) I still get teared up when I think about that Christmas. Nothing felt important. I only wanted to cry. She was the one who made Christmas. When she was gone, it was never the same again.

Listening to lyrics that tells about things that turns into positive is a great boost. It makes you feel better and it helped me cope with my mourning period. For example the Monty Python song “Always look on the bright side of life” No matter how bad things are, there’s always something good. That song always brings a smile on my face. There are a lot of other songs of positive thinking. Even a beat of a song makes me happy. Music all year around and not only at Christmas. That’s the right drug to be addicted to.