I’ve been a bit dreamy lately. The heat, things on TV and just laziness has been on my agenda lately. And writing fan fiction. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing things. But it’s summer and who have time to stay inside to read blogs. Or write them in this case. At least write decent blog posts. I also sleep late so I don’t have the time to do anything during the day. Besides, cooking dinner and sitting on the balcony because it’s too hot to sit inside, has taken all my time so I have been too tired to write any blog posts. Heat just makes me tired altogether.
Also, the movies theatres were opened again. I won 2 movies tickets earlier this year so I used them both. I went to see Star Wars: The empire strikes back and Bad Boys For life again. I’ve only seen the Star Wars movie on TV so it was nice to see it on the big screen. The safe distance in the theatre was 2 benches apart so you didn’t need to worry about the coronavirus. They don’t let in the same amount of customers inside the theatre as they normally do. I actually like this safe distance thing. I don’t like sitting close to someone else. You always only get one armrest and then you sit there feeling uncomfortably the whole movie. I usually go to the movies when there aren’t many people there. I buy my movie tickets online so I can choose where to sit. Or I get tickets for free. It’s not cheap to go to the movies. I belong to a movie club where you can get tickets a little cheaper from time to time. I also take part in a movie panel where you answer surveys and then you get money. They’re small amounts. Mostly under 1 euro. When you have at least 10 euros, you get a movie ticket. That’s how I got to go to the movies more often. I only watch movies I’m interested in.
And the last update of what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve been twice on a bike trip to pick up blueberries from the forest. They say there are a lot of blueberries but I didn’t find that many. It’s much harder to pick up berries than you would think. It would be easier to go to the store or the market to buy them. But when you pick them up yourself, you feel you’ve accomplished something. I got enough to put blueberries with vanilla ice cream though. When you walk around in the forest and try to search for berries, it takes time. Especially when you do it with your bare hand. The berries were quite small so I didn’t take them. It was like searching for a needle in a haystack. You almost need to crawl on all four because the berries are hidden under the leaves in the blueberry plant. There is a lot of bending down and then you’re not really alone. You get to fight off flies and mosquitos flying close to your ear. Then there is no wind in the deepest forest so you get sweaty as well. It’s totally exhausting to pick up berries. Somehow blueberries taste better when you picked them up yourself. I might go tomorrow for blueberry “hunting” to another place. Maybe they’ve already been picked. You won’t know if you don’t go and have a look.
I’ve never actually been in love with a person and I don’t believe in love at first sight. Except for that one time but it wasn’t falling in love. It was more about liking someone at first sight. But falling in love is hard on the mind despite that. You can fall in love with other things. I, for example, fell in love with music at a young age. It started with music for children. I also learned to play different instruments in school. Like acoustic guitar and drums. I also own a few instruments. I could almost form a band. I have a fipple flute, electronic keyboard, triangle instrument and a harmonica. The last two I can play by ear but no songs that really exists. I’ve learned some easy music notes and some songs I learned by heart. But those aren’t any hits or anything. Only short songs that are easy to learn. I can play some Christmas songs like ‘Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ I used to perform at home on Christmas Eve when I was a child. A few times with my electronic keyboard and a few times on my flute. I wouldn’t perform on stage or any of that. I would probably be too nervous and forget how to play songs.
I’ve fallen in love with movies. I saw my first movie when I was 3 years old. I always stay in the end because I’ve bought a ticket and I don’t want it to go to waste. It’s not everyday I can go and see movies. The tickets cost too much these days. I really admire actors and actresses. It’s amazing how brave they are and they can play different characters. I could never do that job. Especially love scenes or nude scenes. I wouldn’t even take up roles like that. I prefer being a moviegoer. Some movies franchises I haven’t cared about but later I’ve fallen in love with them. One of them is Star Wars. I’m actually as old as the first movie. I didn’t care about them before but now I love them. Like any franchise, they come to an end. ‘The Rise of Skywalker’ is the last one and then it’s all over. But the movies live forever. People have their opinions about them but I’m not that fussy. It’s entertainment and that’s what movies is all about. Some people just take these franchises too seriously.
Then there are movies you fall in love instantly and you keep watching them over and over again. Lord of the rings is one of them. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen those. Extended versions and the commentary ones. That’s how dedicated I am. The same with The Hobbit. I don’t know what some people complain about them. Love them and I don’t care what others think. We all have different tastes and it’s a waste of energy to have a disagreement about. There are movies I don’t like that seems to be popular. Like “The fight club” I don’t like it at all. If someone does it’s alright. Who am I to judge other people’s tastes. Falling in love is hard on the mind when you hear negative comments on your favourite things but you just have to agree to disagree.
Going back to falling in love with a person. You can’t really fall in love with a person you don’t really know. I’ve never known anyone that long that I could fall in love with. I’ve felt like I was in love but it’s just the feeling. It’s hard liking someone so much who doesn’t even know you exist. There are people who I could fall in love with if I really knew them. Maybe my fantasy about them is unrealistic. They seem to be someone you could imagine to be with but maybe they wouldn’t feel the same about me. Or perhaps they’re nothing like they appear to be. It’s just cover to the public and in their personal life, they’re totally different. People have met them and they were really nice. But that’s just a fan meeting and they’re not interested in their fans romantically and the feeling is mutual. In the end, it doesn’t matter because you live in another country and you probably never meet anyway. That’s why falling in love is hard on the mind when it’s with a person you don’t know in real life. It saddens you so you try to think about something else. You can only hope that feeling goes away because it usually does. It can take years but it will go away one day. You need to concentrate on your own life and what’s close to you. Besides, being in love for real isn’t easy either but how would I know. I’ve never been in love with a person. I can love people but I’m not in love with them. There is a difference.
May the force be with you. I went to see ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi‘ today. The movie series is a legend in itself. This is not a movie review so there won’t be any spoilers. What I will say is, when I saw Carrie Fisher on the screen, I did feel sadness she’s no longer with us. She was a legend and so is Mark Hamill. So it was great to see those two on the screen together for the last time. I really liked the movie. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.
The force is real in this life too. It’s the force within you. You can either give up or you can keep fighting to the end. If you give into negative thoughts, you will fall to the dark side. Meaning, you can begin to hate and do awful things to other people because all those negative thoughts had taken over your mind. If you have more positive thoughts, you stay on the good side. You don’t get manipulated easily by negativity. A strong person has good willpower and walks their own path without caring what others might think. A person who has in their own mind been treated wrongly begin to treat others like dirt. But if a person is strong, they understand they can’t change the past. It’s the positive force in you that keep you away from harm.
I think my force within has become stronger. It hasn’t always been like that. There have been times I felt I wasn’t good enough. I still have those moments when everything seems too impossible and I just want to quit. But I haven’t felt desperation. People who have done me wrong haven’t been around in my life for years. The best revenge has been not having any contact with those people. They never did deserve my friendship or any of my time. If life was a movie, I would be a very bad villain. I just wouldn’t care how people have treated me in the past. I would have moved on ages ago. A character like Kylo Ren who hasn’t got away from his past but instead decides to get revenge. That’s a typical villain that you see in movies all the time. If you sink that low, nothing will change. Hate is a wasted feeling which is why I don’t dwell on something that has already happened.
One thing that I will say about ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’. There is no post-credit scene so no need to stay to the end. That was just an observation. May the strong force be within you and be your own legend.