Stubborn as a mule

mule figure in stone

Zoomorphic sounds like a zoo with terrifying animals. But when I looked it up, it’s not. I like metaphors, so I chose to see myself as stubborn as a mule. But I could also be a scaredy-cat because I’m scared of doing anything brave. Cats can also be stubborn. In some things, no one wouldn’t know I’m stubborn because I give up easily. If I had been bolder, things would be different. I’ve strong-willed when it comes to choices. You can’t make me do things by force. I do them when I feel like it. For example, if you say to me to clean the flat, I won’t do it because someone says I should. I do it when I want. I need to have the motivation to do it. I haven’t studied for occupation because there are jobs in them. I’ve studied things I wanted to. My parents never told me what to study. They have suggested things, but I’ve always followed my guts. I wouldn’t be happy if I had to do something I didn’t like. It hasn’t paid off, though. I instead am without a job than be in a position I don’t like. No matter how big the salary is.

You need to be stubborn to find a job. If you get rejected, you don’t stop searching. But I don’t have that in me. I’m both a stubborn mule and a scaredy-cat. I wish I was brave as a lion. I won’t hold my breath to get any contact from the companies I’ve sent the open applications to. I’m gonna move on. I’m not sure what to do, but I’ll let it be for later. I’m stubborn, so setbacks won’t make me give up. It’s the world that is in a hurry, not me.

We all go cranky sometimes

Mine, so do not use because then I get cranky. Thank you.

If you haven’t figured it out already after reading the title of this post, I got the subject line inspiration from Norman Bates (Psycho) quote “We all go crazy sometimes”
Let’s face it, we all get cranky sometimes. We are humans after all and there are days nothing seems to go right. You can’t be happy all the time. We’re not robots who are controlled by someone else. Everyone has different ways to get cranky. Some do it more obvious than others. When I get cranky, you know it and you might think I’ve gone crazy.

I won’t throw things. I’m not a violent person but I get irritated easily. You don’t want to be around when I’m cranky because you will feel it in your bones. I swear like a sailor and yell like hell. But I also have calmer crankiness and then I just want to be alone. There can be days when everything is good but then something happens during the day and I become cranky. It can spoil a lot of things for a while but then that feeling disappears again. I’ve always done things when I feel like it and if I’m not in the mood, I do something else that pleases me.

I’ve written this somewhere else before but I write it again. I get bored easily and if I can’t do things I want to do, I get cranky and refuse to do anything. I’m also very critical of myself which makes me cranky sometimes. Patience has never been my strongest point and I’m quite stubborn which makes me cranky at myself. I’ve never had trouble saying no but it doesn’t mean I’m a negative person. I’m just careful and think deeply what I choose to do. Even if I do my best, it still feels I’m never getting better. I give up too easily and don’t try again if I fail. You would think I would have learned by now, that if I don’t practise, I’ll never get any better. I keep running in the same wheel of life and I can’t get out. Or walking in circles without finding my way. I know there’s a way because I have the will but something is holding me back and hell that makes me so cranky.