Tag: summer

Clouds are my friends

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night clouds
Night Clouds ©Mia Salminen

There seem to be no end of this heatwave we have in Finland. Today the thermometer showed 33 Celsius. Taking a shower doesn’t help because you still get sweaty and it makes my skin itch. Soon I have a rash all over. I wish summer would have been without this sauna weather. I think this is the climate change talking so thanks to you who pollute and spoil this world. You probably want people to suffer from heat and even die. Heat is nothing to joke about. You can go half naked outside but there are those who can’t or don’t want to. Enjoy your heat praising but keep it to yourself. I hate all these people on social media who say how wonderful this hot weather is. They can speak for themselves. Clouds are my friends and that’s what this summer needs. That and rain. It’s the no rain that makes this weather so unbearable. At least there’s some wind.

Last summer was great. There were only 4 days of heat and the rest was about 22 – 24. If it’s only 1 or 2 days of 30 Celsius, then it could be fine but when it’s gonna be about a week or so. That’s too long. If it was cloudy then it would be much better. But no, that hot sun just have to show. Luckily there are shadows which also are my friends. If there only would be shadows everywhere. I wonder if these people who love this kind of weather if they have any sweat glands at all. I just can’t understand how someone can be in the sun without a shade. You see people sunbathing directly in the sunlight. I hope they have powerful sun lotion on them. Or maybe they want skin cancer. Besides, too much sun is bad for you. It gives you wrinkles too.

Trying to think this weather won’t last forever, it’s really difficult to imagine that now when the heatwave stays. If you only could control the weather. I would rather have cold weather than sweat like a pig. It’s even hot at night. In my building the balconies are being renovated so there is only one window to open and that’s in my kitchenette. I have my curtains and blinds shut all day so my flat is a bit cooler. Sleeping without a blanket helps me to sleep. Even if I could keep my window open in the bedroom, I wouldn’t since there’s always someone speaking loud when people are walking pass or cars driving by. And maybe the smoking neighbor coming out. I wouldn’t get any sleep. It would be better if it was cool at night so inside it wouldn’t be so hot.

When it’s hot outside, it’s awful to do any bike trips. Even if there would be clouds, I rather stay inside. Coming from outside, to inside is the worse. Why can’t the heat be the same as rain, the forecast says it’s gonna rain but then it doesn’t after all. When the forecast says it’s gonna be 3o celsius but then the next day it’s only 20. Now when the forecast says it’s gonna be 30 then it will be 30. Do you know what I mean?  I wish I could sleep as long as this heatwave is going on and wake up when it’s under 25 Celsius. Even better if it’s winter. I don’t think I could sleep that long anyway. I just have to suffer this awful weather. It has to end sometime. The earth needs water and that would cool down at least for while. When I see dark clouds, it’s then I will enjoy this summer. Now it’s stressful and people act strangely. Clouds are my friends and Thor, the God of thunder in the Norse mythology is really needed right now.

“Our list of allies grows thin”

Mia3 Comments

thin eleven dice

In this case, my allies grows thin. I have no plans what to do next. Except for that graphic design course in Helsinki Design School. This heat we have now makes me tired and I can’t concentrate. It’s only May but it feels like summer. I just hate hot weather and I wish it would be over for good. At least there will be some release soon. Summer also mean summer jobs. For young people that is. People go on their holidays and you can’t contact any of the employers. Companies have their substitutes already. Time just isn’t on my side. So isn’t my age.

I’m turning 41 in June and the older I get fewer changes I have. It gets thinner and thinner. It doesn’t help last time I had a job was in 2012 and it wasn’t even paid. I had that on-the-job learning thing but I guess that’s not appreciated either. Employers probably think I’m lazy because I haven’t bothered getting a job. It doesn’t help I’ve studied things. They want people with jobs and not a long-term unemployed person. Not only that but also people with talking skills. I fail at job interviews because I’m an introvert who can’t act extroverted. When I try to find a job to apply for it’s in a different city and I’m under qualified. I got so many flaws and feel I failed at employment altogether. There is no use crying over something that has already happened. I should look forward and keep the faith.

I wish I wasn’t such a dreamer. I should do something about my life instead of complain about it. I just feel I’m a misfit for everything. There are times I’ve felt I belonged. Like in studying but when it comes to making things for a living, I’m totally in a different universe. Once in my life, I want to do something brave and being an entrepreneur is one of them. But it’s so hard to decide to do it or not. I did the course but it doesn’t mean I can really do it. I don’t want to fail and start all over again. I lack the experience of a real paid job but a lot of young people start a business without any experience so that shouldn’t be a problem for me. There are so many questions and thin answers that I don’t know what to do. I read about blogs about entrepreneurs who’s been doing it for years and they make it look so easy. They have their problems but they solve them. It feels like I don’t really belong to that brave bunch. Because they are brave unlike me who do anything to avoid problems. I don’t seem to have that entrepreneur mindset either.

Every time I look for a job to apply for I don’t find anything suitable. I want to give up the job search altogether. Especially that active model Finland has now where you have to get a job or else you lose part of your unemployment benefits. Entrepreneurship looks so much more tempting. Starting one isn’t the hardest part though, it’s what comes after it. My problems are really decision making. As long as I’m healthy and vibrant anything can be possible. If you give up and start thinking you’re not wanted anywhere, it’s then you lose yourself and your hopes will be dashed. Allies might get thin but you can always find new ones. There’s always someone with the same kind of problems. You can find a solution one way or another. The best feeling is when you can share your thoughts with other people and they can relate to it. I really hope this post has had that same effect.