Peter Pan never grew up and I won’t either

plant growing
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There are different ways to grow—in height, sideways, or mentally. In this case, it means what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t want to grow up because you need to stay childlike in your mind. Peter Pan didn’t grow up, and I won’t either. Life is a long learning process, and you’ll never graduate from it. You only do adult things because who else would do them. Some things you have to do, like paying bills or other responsibilities that come along with it. The worst thing about being an adult is looking for a job and thinking about what to do when you grow up. It’s easier if you already know from a young age. For some, it takes longer.

I have had dreams, but they have never come true. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Since I have never had a big dream come true, I have small ones. Life didn’t turn the way I imagined it. When I was a teenager, I thought I would have had a family at 25, but then I thought I would meet the pop star I had a crush on. I also thought I would move to England, but that didn’t happen. My priorities have changed since then. I’ve had dreams after that, too. I wanted to become a Formula One photographer, but that dream was unrealistic. I have spent my life thinking about what to do, and some might think I’ve missed out on what other people have been doing. But you can’t miss something you’ve never had. I didn’t want to be like everyone else, and I am happy with my choices. Some people are meant to be married, have 2,3 children and have a career, but that’s not me. I’m Peter Pan, for crying out loud. Well almost.

My current dream is not to be a job seeker. I hate looking for one job each month and then reporting it to the job search people—I don’t know what these people are called. They expect me to look for something that doesn’t exist, as I would get a job by applying to one. The whole job search is unpleasant because it’s a waste of time and energy. There is only one I should answer for, and that’s me. I don’t want anyone to follow what I’m doing, and if I don’t do what they want, they punish me for not doing enough. By punishment, I mean taking the benefits away. If you don’t apply to jobs they think you don’t want any. It’s not about wanting; it’s about having the possibility to get a job. I don’t want a job to have something to do during the day because I have plenty to do. I want to do something that has a meaning. Life is too short to waste on something you’re forced to do. I’ve had internships where I didn’t want to be, but it was good to have because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I got at least some job experience, even if employers don’t see it that way. My late mother always used to say you have to start somewhere, and I did. They still want me to apply for jobs that should be offered to young people who don’t know what they want. If I was 18 or more, jobs like that would be OK. But I want a real job with actual pay. I have diplomas that going to waste, and I didn’t study to fill my head with information. I want to put it to good use.

If you have the opportunity to do the things you want, you should do them. Therefore, I’m seriously thinking about becoming an entrepreneur because I want to be useful and make my own schedule. I don’t want to be stuck in this same spinning wheel for the rest of my life. I’ve thought about this for a long time and don’t want it to be a thought only. Nothing happens overnight, and I’m already working on it. This Peter Pan will fly and show you don’t need to be fully grown up to be who you truly are.

A leak in my career path

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What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?

Daily Writing Prompt

You might have a dream job when you’re a kid, but it changes as you age. Some people know what they want to be and stick to it from the start. In some way, I envy those people. It’s a good envy. My mind is more complex than that. I have a leak in my career path because I keep changing my mind. When I was 6, I wanted to be a baker because I liked to help Mum in the kitchen. Later, I realised baking is fun, but cleaning and waking up early isn’t. I bake occasionally but wouldn’t want to do it for a living. I also can’t do a job where you must always wash your hands. Wearing rubber gloves isn’t good either. You could say I have an education path, not a career one, because I don’t have enough job experience.

When I finished compulsory school, I had to apply for further education. My educational advisor suggested healthcare studies, but I didn’t want to apply. My mother said I should start somewhere, so I did. The education was for a year, but it seemed longer than that. I was 17, my first time living away from home. I only went home at the weekend. My mother was right; I should start somewhere because I could have been an outcast youth if I hadn’t. After primary school, it is good to have a further plan. I was lucky to have people who helped me decide what to do next. As a teenager, you don’t know yourself the way you do when you become an adult. I’ve been to two schools that I didn’t finish.

One was business school, and the other was photography. I didn’t like economic education for two reasons, Math and awful schoolmates. Photography education wasn’t fun either. It was at the beginning of the 2000s, and digital cameras weren’t that common. The teacher was all about film and refused to teach us about digital photography. I didn’t understand film development with all the different liquids. It was too complicated for me. The only thing I liked about the school was my roommate and the chance to use Photoshop in the computer room. The trip to the school wasn’t fun either. First, take the bus and then walk about 3 kilometres. I was only there for 3 or 4 months and then quit. My mother said I gave up too quickly, and in a way, I still do. I didn’t know what I wanted to be, and that’s the easy part.

I have considered different career paths. As a teen, I wanted to be a singer for a moment because I liked to sing along to songs I liked. Then, I thought I would want to work for a radio station or in a fan club. I even applied for a dance education, which luckily was cancelled. I don’t know what I was thinking with that. I didn’t even like school discos. I applied for the dance one after I finished my healthcare education. I was very restless when I was a teenager. I wanted to live in England because my favourite band, Take That, lived there and you could study English there for 3-4 months. I also wanted to see some other places than Finland. My mother didn’t want me to live there, maybe because we didn’t have the money to send me there. She didn’t even want to pay for a concert ticket when the band was here. The older I got, the less I wanted to live abroad. I’ve always been a homebody; I didn’t stay out late at night as a teenager. I had no friends anymore with whom to spend time anyway. I liked spending time with my parents and spending quality time with them. I didn’t have a reason to go out. They supported me in any occupation I chose.

I never really had a career path. It’s challenging to have anything when you concentrate on what you want to do for a living. Even if my mother was dying, she always worried about if I would find a job. She had been unemployed, so it was understandable she didn’t want the same thing for me. But it’s been inevitable these days because there are only jobs in places where I don’t have an education. I have never wanted to do only one thing. I like being versatile. Once, I thought about becoming a screenplay writer because I enjoy writing and have studied writing. But it’s hard work and an unstable job. I can’t even finish the fan fiction I write. A career in movies and TV would be an exciting career path. But it’s a complex business to get into. It would be different if I was younger, and I would have time to start something different. I have studied creative things, so I want to combine them.

I found what I wanted to do, but since I don’t have the experience, I don’t get a chance to work anywhere. They all want job experience but don’t even provide internships for people like me. They’re all for young people who study. My resume has too many leaks. Studying doesn’t mean a squat if you don’t get the chance to work in the field you studied. All I get offered are jobs that aren’t moving my career further. If I was younger, those jobs would be OK. I’m seriously thinking about becoming an entrepreneur. I have already taken courses in social media to promote myself. I just don’t know if any of it will get me clients, but it doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe I will finally get that career I’ve been looking for and end to the leak.

Boy bands and not so screaming fans

Ahh, teenage years. Those were the days. Seeing teens today and their taste in music, I was glad I was a teen in the 90’s. None of the teen idols of today are my taste. I can’t even imagine what they see in them.

First love of a teen age crush was the American boy band ‘New kids a block‘ Especially Jordan Knight. I had my first sexual feelings. There were no internet where you could search for news. There were only teen magazines or MTV. I think they performed in Finland once but my mother didn’t let me go. I bought a lot of merchandise like badges and a calendar. I still have some of them dusting somewhere. I had posters on the wall that I got from magazines and of course cassettes on the music. Thinking about it now, I don’t know what I saw in them. There’s only a few songs I’m able to listen to. Actually I’m a bit embarrassed for liking them. They did some kind of comeback later but I haven’t paid much attention.

Then in 1992 I discovered the band ‘Take That‘ The guys are from Manchester, England. For you American’s, that’s the band Robbie Williams got started in. They’re biggest hit in the US is ‘Back for good’ They’re still very popular in the UK. I loved the band since I saw their music videos on TV. It was the interviews that made me like them even more. I loved their interviews. They’re the funniest band I know. I taped everything I saw on MTV or any other channel. I bought every album and learned the songs by heart. When Robbie left the band people were heartbroken. Some girls even thought of suicide which was a bit extreme. The band tried to continue with 4 members a while. Then in 1996 the band split altogether. That was quite a shock for me. But then 10 years later they came back.

Thanks to the internet I can listen to them online and they’re also on social media. They’re only 3 members now but they’re still going strong. I saw their concert in the movie theater last year and they’re still great. I wish I could see them live for real. But that’s kind a far-fetched dream. I was never one of those hysterical fans. I don’t know why some act like that. In a way I still live my teenage years but now it’s more mature. They’ve also grown up and fans have matured with them. Now it’s much nicer to see them perform on stage without those terrible screaming fans. I think I’ll always be some kind of fan of the band. They were a big part of my teen life and I’ll never forget that.

(FYI to The Daily Post, I still go “ga-ga” for Duran Duran 😉 So it’s not just a teen idol thing.)