Tag: The Daily Prompt

Advent calendar Box 2

Mia1 Comment

advent calendar 2What Christmas means depends on what age you are. When I was a child, it was very important. My parents, my grandmother, me and my sister were all there on the Christmas Eve. Presents and the Santa Claus was part of it. Everything then was a mystery. But as the older I got, the less important it was. Our family decreased and the whole holiday became just like another day. Even though it’s not quite like that since I’ll be going abroad this year too.

I still think Christmas is time to relax. I like the whole spirit of it. But I think it’s more of a family with kids celebration. When I get old, I don’t think I’ll celebrate it. I’m just gonna enjoy the silence when the neighbours are away. At least I hope they will. Unless I move to the country where they’re miles away. I don’t think loneliness will be a problem. I always find something to do. Of course, I hope there will be someone to celebrate it with but if not, that’s alright too.

I’m not that into Christmas food. First of all, the only thing I ate when I was younger was ham, different fishes, rutabaga casserole and Finnish beetroot salad. The other thing is, I’m too lazy to do any of these foods. Doing all this alone is too much work. Store bought doesn’t taste that good. I’m picky about food and that goes with the Christmas dishes too. Unless it’s chocolate. Then it’s more than welcome. No matter what I age I become, that will never change.

Advent calendar Box 1

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advent calendarIt’s that time again when the countdown to Christmas begins. Last year I had an advent calendar where I wrote about something related to it every day until December 24. I decided to do it this year too. Maybe there will be some more sparkle this time. But I don’t plan in advance so it can become a surprise for me too.

In Finland, we celebrate it at the Christmas Eve. It’s when families gather around for a feast and the presents are opened. Some people go to church. Everyone celebrate Christmas differently. I and dad are going to Riga by ship this year again. It’s so much easier when everything is ready for you. I’m not much of a cook when it comes to Christmas. It hasn’t been the same since my mother died. Even when she was alive, we went there too.

We go to the cemetery the day before Christmas to put a candle on our family grave. Both of my grandmothers are buried there along with my sister and mother. When we celebrated at home, we went there on the Eve. In recent years we haven’t had snow so Christmas is pretty grey and dark. But seeing all the candles lit on the graves, it’s less depressing. If you want snow, you have to travel to the North of Finland. Snow does make things lighter. It doesn’t need to be much. I really hope there’s gonna be something white on the ground this year. Walking on the cemetery would feel much more Christmasy.

So there you have the first box of the advent calendar 2017. Tomorrow is another day, so see you there.

Welcome to the zoo

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telephone pole wiresIt’s not about a zoo with animals. I’ve been to a few, in Hamburg, Stockholm and the ones in Finland (Ähtäri and Helsinki Zoo). Also the one close to the city I live in, Zoolandia. In those zoos, the animals are living in peace. But the zoo in my head is having a big fight. The zoo meaning my thoughts. I can’t make up my mind what I really want to do in life. One part keeps me lazy but the other part wants to start something productive. My weakness is the start. I can start a fiction or even this blog but when it comes to projects, I find it difficult to get started. I feel so unmotivated too. I need more confidence or I’ll never move on.

So far I’ve studied photography, graphic design and web design. But the only thing I haven’t found is a job. First of all, there are not many jobs out there in my city. The other is the demands employers have. I’m just not cut for those jobs. I’ve applied for a few but it didn’t bring results. I’m not sure my skills are even that good. It feels like I’m not talented enough. I’m paranoid people think my designs are unimpressive and that I should do something else. In other words, it’s all crap. But then I think, so what? As long as I know what I can do, is all that matters. There’s always someone who does like it. It had taken me years to discover what I want to do. No one can tell me to change occupations again. I have found my so-called calling and I won’t let it go. The toughest challenge is to get yourself out there. There are so many designers who got a lot to show and I’m only starting out.

The zoo in my head is preventing me to do things out of my comfort zone. One of them is what kind of design I really want to do. I’m not very technical so web developing seems too complicated. I didn’t even like coding in school. I’ve thought about graphic design again. I applied for one education but it’s already been a month and still nothing. I guess my luck had run out when it comes to education. At least I save money. It was quite expensive. In a way, it would have been a good learning curve. The teachers would have been pros. I’m a bit disappointed I didn’t get in but since I already have the basic knowledge of the subject. It would probably be a repeat anyway. I’ve been to that school before (2014-2015) but it’s wasn’t as cool as they make it sound. Last time it didn’t give me anything special. After 3 years I’m still in the same place as I was then.

People make it sounds so easy to start a business. There’s a lot of examples on Pinterest. How to work from home. How someone made this much money in this amount of time. How to earn money on Pinterest. All of these tips are abroad so I don’t know if any of them would work in Finland. There are so many rules you have to go by. Taxes and all that. Having a business in any country seems so complicated. Applying for a job in a company seems the easiest way. If you go it alone you have to sell yourself. Branding, networking etc. It’s so overwhelming for an introvert and especially for a shy one. If I had to choose I would do all the networking on the computer.

That’s not the biggest challenge though. It’s the standing out thing. How can you stand out and how to explain it in words, that’s the dilemma. I’m me and there’s no one like that. It doesn’t say much. I just can’t explain myself in words like that. That’s what I hate the most about the job search. Explaining yourself to strangers. I wish people would just accept the answer, I’m me and that’ll never change. But things always need to be explained as complicated as possible. That’s the reason there’s a zoo in my mind. Simplicity would make things much more bearable and everything would be easier.