Tag: uncertainty

Going crazy with all these problems

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fingers crossed
Photo by Kevin Malik on Pexels.com

With money, you have problems, but you also have trouble when you don’t have much. It’s crazy how much things cost, and when you don’t have any income, it’s even worse. You have to save money for important things like rent and bills. I’m going crazy with these problems. Soon the savings are gone, and what to do then?

It shouldn’t be like this for anyone. Some people got it worse than me. I’m not the crazy one; the world is. The uncertainty is the worst. Will things never get better? I shouldn’t have these problems at this age. Being unemployed isn’t a picnic. Some people think it’s easy to get a job, and those without one want to stay out of work. Most unemployed people want to earn their own money. You don’t live on welfare forever.

I would get money if I sold my flat, but I need money to hire a cleaner and moving help. But since I don’t have any income, I can’t afford it. My car doesn’t work, so I can’t fix it. Luckily, I don’t need the car right now. I still need to pay car taxes. It would be nice to have money to go on a cruise, go to an ice hockey game, and not worry about money in the first place. Not be worried that I don’t have money to pay bills.

I want to become an entrepreneur, but I’m afraid of starting because I haven’t found any clients. I’ve tried a lot of things, but no one’s buying. People only want free things. I need something right now and not in a few years. I’ve been on many paid courses about digital marketing, but none of those tips have worked. Perhaps it works for people who sell courses. I sell graphic design services. It feels as if I’m wasting time on trying to write a post that would attract clients. I don’t have the money to hire someone to do the marketing part. Now I have to do everything alone, so I don’t have time to design.

It’s a perpetual cycle. Problems come, but none are solved. All you can do is hope things will get better and try not to go crazy. People talk about how much money they have, but not many talk about the lack of it. It’s as if it’s taboo. If someone is saying they are working because they love the job, they’re not totally honest about it. You need money to survive; it’s a bonus if you love what you do.

I love designing and photography, but that doesn’t pay the bills. It would be nice to earn money from it, but without clients, it’s impossible. Right now, I need to hang on and not give up. That never makes me feel better, but I have to believe it somehow.

Paint your love all over my world

Mia1 Comment
colourful paint
Made in Canva

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother doing anything. Doing things for yourself is not always enough. You need that certain approval from others. I feel I’m being ignored. No matter what I do I don’t get noticed. I think I’m not good at anything. Maybe it’s silly to feel like I don’t matter because I know I do. My last job proved it. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks I have a talent and I don’t give anyone that wow feeling about the things I do. Sometimes I get ideas but they don’t last very long. Then I just lose motivation. This is what I feel when it comes to design or posting things on social media. If I don’t get many likes to things I do as a hobby, it’s OK because I don’t get paid for it. But if it was something professional it would be a bigger deal. That’s one of the reasons why it’s tough for me to begin with anything on my own.

I got an email from Helsinki Design School where I studied both photography and graphic design, where they asked if any former or current students have become entrepreneurs and how their studies in school have helped them. In the email, there were questions to be answered. One of them was, “At what stage did you start your business?” I still haven’t started even if I had thought about it several times since that school. I thought about starting something during the education but nothing happened. I realised I couldn’t concentrate on two things at the same time. I just didn’t have the strength. Now when I don’t have a job anymore, I could begin with something. But then comes this doubt I’m not good enough. I feel I don’t belong with the other people who do design of some sort. A voice is saying in the back of my head, you’re not good enough to be a designer, stick to your day job. It’s not my mind saying it, it’s what others might think of me. Even in school in Helsinki, I felt others were so much better than me. When I post my work on social media I only get one or two likes. If I’m lucky three. If I don’t get many likes, how will I get clients? There are designers who have much more experience than I have. The competition is so hard so I don’t think I’m not good enough. No employers are lining up behind me either so there is no hope of finding a job in design.

If someone could paint their love all over my world and prove to me I got what it takes, maybe then I would be more confident about the things I do. Not just by one person but by several people. Being an entrepreneur is not only about knowing how to do things, but it’s also getting new ideas which I’m not that good at. I’m not a risktaker so it’s much tougher for me to start anything. Right now there are some personal things going on so I don’t want to think about what to do next.