When the anticipation turns to disappointment

crowded sea with different sea life drawing
When you get to a place where you think you’re the only one there, ©Mia Salminen 2020

I’m back to blogging again. Even if it’s has become a short blog post. At least this one is. So the job ended on Monday (October 26) The rest of the contract were holidays. Not the going somewhere kind though. I’m actually relieved I can wake up late again. Going to a job was great but I think I got everything I wanted from there. The contract was shorter because of the coronavirus. I’ve got some more job experience which was one of my goals. If I was offered to continue at the place I wouldn’t have wanted. I really didn’t get things from the job I wanted. The waking up early and going to work was too much to do more than I had to. I was always so tired after work. I really don’t know how someone can have a part-time business while working at a full day job. I was dead tired afterwards and it was only a part-time job. The workplace wasn’t really far but still, it was quite stressful to go there every morning. Even with the bus. I can’t take that for long. Especially when there were days at work where there was nothing to do.

During the job the anticipation was good. I was glad I got something to do. But then it turns to be a bit disappointing. I really didn’t get to do my own things. Things had to be done in a certain way. Written in a certain way and so on. I couldn’t express myself the way I expected. It wasn’t the workplace fault though. It’s just the way workplaces work. I wanted to be more independent but now I had to do what they wanted me to do. I didn’t dare to do anything without asking if I did things right. So the job was good while it lasted but I wouldn’t want to go back to that anymore. It was time to move on. I don’t know what yet but it won’t be searching for a job for a while.

The frustration of different things in life

Made in Canva

Making up things. Names and things like that. How to explain things to strangers. Telling things about yourself. Trying to remember a song but you don’t remember who it is by. Searching information on Google but not knowing what keyword to use. Trying to get people to like your posts on social media. Especially on Instagram. That is the frustration of different things in life. Maybe not all people get frustrated about the same things. But I’m not writing about them anyway.

What frustrates me the most right now is posting on social media. No matter how many keywords I use, not many people take notice. People post a lot of crap and yet they get really many likes. I never like the same others like. Especially if they’re selfies. The whole keywords thing is stressful. I run out of ideas. It’s the same with this blog. If this wasn’t only a hobby I would be even more frustrated. Instagram should be called Keywordsgram because you need a lot of them. If I had a business I wouldn’t use it as a platform. Maybe only people’s friends like their posts. Instagram in general is a mystery to me. I can only dream about having a lot of followers there. It’s such a pain to write on the phone anyway. I’ve decided I won’t stress about not getting noticed. I post for myself.

Work can be a bit frustrating too. Especially when there are days you have nothing to do. In the end, even the internet is becoming boring. You might think to yourself, is this really worth waking up early for? If it wasn’t for the colleagues I would feel even more bored. If I was offered to continue with this work, I would decline. I don’t think I can take more of this than necessary. It would be nice to have a job where you have something to do every day. At this job, you can’t express yourself the way you want to. There are days when I wish I didn’t have to go anywhere far. I’m always so tired after work so I don’t have the strength to do things I used to. Like writing this blog. But at least I have a job. For now at least.

There can be a lot of frustrating things in life. Things like radio playlists where they play the same songs many times a day. Like the band sand artists only had one song. People leaving no room where you walk. Like the coronavirus didn’t exist anymore. Certain dog people not picking up dog droppings from the ground. Neighbours having loud parties. People leaving electric kickboards in the middle of the sidewalk. Having to repeat yourself to every new person you meet. Especially in a job search. Trying to make up blog titles and how to end blog posts. But you should not let those things get to you. Frustration is only a feeling and it will go away eventually. It will only make you stressed if you have that feeling too long. Focus on something that pleases you and look on the bright side. Things won’t last forever.

The yada yada yada post

old typerwriter and yada yada yada
Made in Canva

Having a job does take a lot of energy. Especially the waking up thing. Being a night owl and trying to get to bed early is a lot of yada yada yada. I haven’t had the time or the energy to blog. I should actually take a nap and yada yada yada. I’m so much in front of a computer at work so I rather stay away from it at home. I write this now so you don’t think I forget about you. Or some other yada yada yada thing.

There are still 48 days left of my job contract and honestly, I’m already counting the days. It’s not that I don’t like being there. A job is a job, like my mother used to say. If the people I’m working with wasn’t as nice and yada yada yada I wouldn’t want to go there at all. I just want more or at least not this. I feel the job is holding me back. I’m not able to be as creative as I want to be. There are certain looks and rules to follow. Is this really what I’ve studied, I think. Sometimes there is nothing to do. Those days I wonder is it really worth going. I could just stay home and sit there. At least I can talk to my colleagues which makes the days go faster. Then other days are busy. Today was one of the slow days. I made a piece of notification for an event for the bulletin board and yada yada yada.

karaoke ad
©Mia Salminen 2020

I actually miss the days when I didn’t have to wake up early. I wish I could have a job where I could have an own schedule and yada yada yada. I don’t want to think about anything serious now.