I might be a calm person who never raises their voices but some things just agitate me and I have to let it out. If you don’t want to see me upset, don’t irritate me because then you will feel it in your bones. But only if you really know me. I don’t go around strangers and scream at them. I’m too shy for that. I can keep the irritation inside me. But at home, I can let it out. Keeping your feelings inside is never good. That’s something my dad don’t understand. When I was younger I had these rage fits. It wasn’t because I had some mental problems. I just couldn’t stand certain things. One that really agitated me was that I wasn’t allowed to show my feelings. I still don’t. My dad always seems so calm and things don’t bother him. But I can’t live like that. He always thinks I shouldn’t bother what others do. I don’t but why can’t I have an opinion about it. Maybe my dad accepts what happens in this world but I don’t. If you accept everything then you’re part of the problem.
There’s is so many agitating things and people in this world. It seems people care more about themselves than others. One of these people is neighbours. They talk too loud and have parties too loud. The most important things for them is themselves. They don’t care some people need to get up early. Especially if it’s a weekday. You can have your parties as long as you don’t disturb others. It doesn’t need to be a party. It can be moving things in your flat or banging a nail to the wall at night. What kind of idiot do that during the night anyway? But idiots are anywhere and it will never change. People’s attitude towards others has become worse. It’s a me-me world. The worse part is that even young kids behave like they’ve never had parents. It seems they don’t teach manners in school either. They litter and don’t care who gets hurt. Kids are worried about climate change and yet they don’t do anything about it. Practice what you preach. Adults should be a good example for kids and not the other way around. Now it seems some parents give in to their kids too easily. No wonder there is an idiot raised every minute. Kids are just innocent by-standards and they don’t even know it. Fortunately, there are decent parents too. At least there is some hope.
Being agitated doesn’t always been anger. Writing this blog can be agitating sometimes. Since I write in English some words to describe something is hard to find online. I know them in my own language. Sometimes not even that. I use Google but as you probably know, it’s mostly wrong. I usually get agitated so I skip the whole sentence and write it in some other way. Or don’t bother at all. Writing anything if it’s a blog post or fiction is not easy. Especially when you should tell about yourself in a cover letter and even an About me-page. It’s like pulling teeth. It can’t just be, “well, I am me and there you have it” and get on with it. It’s so much more and honestly, I don’t want to bother with it. It makes me agitated and I rather concentrate on something less stressful.
Being a creative person has it’s good and bad sides. Bad is when you have no inspiration and no motivation. The best thing about it is when the flow of inspiration strikes. Those are the best days. Ideas come flooding in your head and you spend hours doing what you love. It can be writing or anything artistic. People who have these flows coming out only truly know how it feels. Other can probably imagine but they don’t really know how it is. You can’t just tell a person to create something in a minute. It takes longer than that. If you want things to be done properly you should have time to do it. Nothing good comes out of things when they are rushed. You can’t force out your creativity. Sometimes you have to wait for the flow and that’s something an ‘average’ person can’t handle.
Everyone is good at something and for me, writing is my passion. I don’t claim I’m the best because I’m not an author. I just write because I love it and I do it for fun. I especially love writing fiction. I have always had a good imagination. Writing stories was one of my favourite things in school. I always got good grades from the teachers. I got my inspirations from music, movies and daily things. It doesn’t really matter where. I can get an idea of anything. Even from strangers so people better beware because they can end up in one of my stories. OK, not really but almost. Fiction is made up and not a fact of real life. Even though sometimes when you think something won’t be real it actually does happen. I’ve been amazed by some of the characters I wrote about actually do exist in real life. It’s more about human behaviour than a real person. I’m no Agatha Christie so I don’t write crime stories like murder. Even though some of my characters do break the law.
Sometimes when I write a story I get writer’s block in the middle of a story but I get an idea what will happen after the unfinished chapter. That’s what has happened to ‘Teach me manners‘ It’s stuck now because I have written things what happens after the next episode. I can’t post it because the next one is incomplete. This is where the flow of inspiration ends. To create something I need the right moment to go on. If I don’t have the right feeling I struggle to get anything done. It’s not only about writing but it’s also photography. If I don’t have the right moment I don’t feel like doing it. That’s what I realised I can’t be a pro photographer. I don’t have the right passion. I also realised I wanted to do more than just photography. When I do get the flow going, I keep it running. Those are the best times. Having a break from one creativity thing and do the other is refreshing. It’s like taking a holiday and then come back with a lot of new ideas.
I go with the flow when I create something. It’s the same with this blog. I write when I have something to write about. That’s why I don’t want to be paid to blog. When you have it as a hobby there is no pressure to write. If you don’t feel like writing you don’t. You get to do other things and that is freedom to be creative when you feel it. In a way, the flow of inspiration is my hobby and when it strikes I’m glad I’m the creative one.
When you’re young you think you need to make final decisions about your future and stick with it. But in life, you never know. Sometimes you have to abandon a plan and start all over. It’s fine to change your mind. I’ve started a lot of things over again. If it’s about choosing an occupation or even starting a blog. A lot of people made bucket lists and if they don’t achieve them they feel they have failed. Life is not gonna be over. You can achieve them at any age. You don’t need to do everything before you’re 20 or 30. Not even in your life. Some things are impossible to achieve anyway. For example, everyone won’t invent something that still doesn’t exist. Your goals should be little things.
An abandon plan opens a new one and it can be something much better. I have many times abandoned my fanfictions and starting a new one. So I have quite a lot of unfinished stories I’ve posted online. I get new ideas and then I forget the old ones. It’s either boredom of the stories or my interests have changed. It can also be because I feel people aren’t reading them anymore. I don’t know if the new ideas are better though. I post them on AO3 (Archive of our own) and some older stories still get kudos even if I finished them ages ago. I use to post them on my fanfiction blog here on WordPress but it’s a bit difficult because my stories are quite long. I just can’t seem to write short stories. I plan it to be short but then when I get ideas, they keep on coming.
Before I started this blog I had a few but they didn’t pay off. You know what they say (or William Edward Hickson said), if you don’t first succeed, try try and again. So I did and here I am, still. I also have two on Tumblr but the whole place has gone downhill. I can’t find anything to post there. I had to start the main blog all over again so the old stuff I had there is gone. So no more pics of Tom Hiddleston. Not that I reblogged that very often. Now nothing interesting is coming on the Explore. It’s a place where you can find what is trending and recommendations for you. Since all the old things are gone on my blog the rest is gone too. I reblogged quite a lot but now there’s only boring stuff. I don’t bother searching for things to post myself either. Besides, Tumblr has always been a place for weird stuff. It was fun when I started to use it but now I’m quite bored with it. At least they banned pornographic stuff there. I hated it when people with half-naked photos of themselves started to follow my blog. I’m no prude but my blog wasn’t for people like that. The only thing I post there is this blog post but it’s probably going to deaf ears over there.
I wish I could make easy decisions with other things like I do with writing. I shouldn’t be worried about failing but I still do. With writing it doesn’t matter if I fail because it’s just a hobby but if I fail in life decisions things can go worse. Running out of money or end up on the street. That’s quite a radical example but it could happen. I think that’s one of the reasons why I keep thinking about becoming an entrepreneur or not. It’s easy to think about things in your head but the reality is much harder. I go back and forth with my thoughts but I can’t make a decision. As an unemployed, it’s not easy to start something because if you do, you get in trouble with the job centre. And other things could happen which I won’t get into. Some impatient person would probably be fed up with my indecisiveness already. No one should be hurried with deciding things. You should do them in your own time. Plans take time to fulfil. I wish I would have thought like this when I was younger. It would have saved a lot of time and less stress. Even though I don’t regret my past I wish I could have abandoned some things a bit faster than I did. What done is done.