Day 6. My inspiration is not a person but about things. I have people I look up to, but I don’t get inspiration from any of them. I found inspiration in different things in life. I get inspiration from past experiences. Nature is a good inspiration. Sometimes I get them from movies. The only time I get inspiration from a person is when I write fan fiction.
When I don’t get any inspiration, I just let it be. I can’t force it to come out. Sometimes I don’t get any when I write this blog. It can be frustrating when I want to write something, but nothing comes out. Then I just do something else. My inspiration has a life of its own. No person can get it out from me. I don’t want to follow in anyone’s footsteps. I want to walk my own way. Everyone should be the best person they can be. You can get inspiration from a person or different things. As long as you get inspiration because life would be empty without it.
Day 5. There are a lot of things I wish I knew how to do. But then I could be here all day. I wished I wouldn’t be so indecisive. There are many things I want to do, but I don’t know what I should concentrate on first. This is a problem I’ve had since I had to decide what to do after school at 17. Everything seemed to be too dull for my liking. While I was thinking about what I wanted to do, others had already done more than I have. I feel a bit ashamed that I haven’t had a paying job. I’m an introvert and not very ambitious. I also don’t like taking risks. That’s one of the things I wish I knew how to do. Maybe then I would have more achievements. I just give up too easily at times.
I wish I knew how to tell things about myself. Especially when writing them down. I don’t know what people want to know. What does it even mean, tell something about yourself? Talking about myself isn’t easy. It feels awkward somehow when it shouldn’t. If I could write them down, it would be different. Talking face to face with someone about it is another matter. Even writing them down is difficult. I just don’t know what to say. It’s the same with cover letters in a job search. It’s a pain to get the words out, so I don’t want to do it. I wish I was better at that too.
I also wish I could feel at ease when meeting new people. I don’t know how to start a conversation without feeling I’m bothering them. I’ve tried during the years to be braver, but it still feels unfamiliar. I don’t have much in common with the people I’ve met in the past. I’m not a storyteller. I prefer listening to others. They think I don’t want to talk, so they don’t even approach me. The things people talk about doesn’t interest me. If they talked about the things I like, it would be different. Introverts are misunderstood by extroverts. Being shy is different from being introverted. Either way, we are all different, and people should accept that. We should learn from each other because then we can grow as humans. Not only that, but also grow as an individual.
Some disappointing news first. The Elton John concert was supposed to be this year in Helsinki, but now it’s been postponed to 2023. No new date yet. This is some kind of déjà-vu. Some years ago, a concert was postponed that I was going to attend. Then there were no new dates added, so I didn’t get my money back because I waited too long. The concert was only 50 euros though. Now it’s happened again. I’m not sure I want to go to see Elton John after all. I’m not that big of a fan. He’s just one of my favourite artists. It’s gonna take ages to the concert, and maybe it won’t happen at all. Then it might be too late to get the money back. No one knows what gonna happen until 2023. You can get very ill and die. Maybe I don’t feel like going at all. The ticket wasn’t that cheap, so it would be a shame if I can’t get the money back. At first, I thought, I won’t go after all, but I’m not sure now. If I decided not to go or something else comes up, I hope I get a refund. It would be nice to see him live, though. It’s his farewell tour, after all.
The UX/UI course ended. Every time I study something, and it ends, it feels like I’ve been on the same page before. I have to start things over again. I never get anywhere, job-wise. What is the point of all of this studying if it never pays off? It only gives me something to do, and learning something new is always nice. It feels I repeat things. If it comes to writing this blog or fan fiction. I try to do things differently, but I get the deja vu feeling. It seems that same feeling comes when I see job suggestions on LinkedIn. I don’t why I get things like teaching jobs. Do my profile show I have any education about that? No, the same with some expert jobs. You can’t even stop those suggestions from coming. I wouldn’t be a very good teacher anyway. Also, the tips people share about how a resume should be like are coming out of my ears. If you have nothing interesting to add, it doesn’t matter how they look like. It’s only repeating the same old things.
I can’t think of anything else to say about deja vu.
I can’t think of anything else to say about deja vu. Oh, there it was again 😀
In my world 