Balm for the wounds

feather
Made in Canva

Back online on the computer. You get a lot of things undone when you don’t have internet connection on your computer. When you get it back it’s a balm for the wounds. There are so many things you need to do online so you can’t really do much when it doesn’t work. Like paying bills or sending important documents and that kind of stuff. Internet is not only for fun, you know. When you can’t get online, spam gathers in your email inbox as well.

Another balm to your wounds is watching movies and especially when there’s a lot of extra footage. That’s what The Hobbit DVD’s has. I’ve already seen them but watching them again it feels like I haven’t really seen them. I know I have but it still feels like a new thing. Actually, there is only one I haven’t seen and that was about Thranduil. The reason is Lee Pace. That man is so gorgeous and especially that smile of his. Um, I was saying. Watching those behind the scenes footages I taught me a lot about movie making. I have some experience of that from school but that was nothing compared to the movie-making business. Movies, in general, is a great balm for the wounds. One of the reasons why I buy DVD’s and Blu-rays are for the extra footage in them. You don’t get that from Netflix or any other place like that. Unless someone had downloaded them on Youtube.

Probably the strongest balm to your wounds is music. It has helped me get through happy and tough times. When my mother died, listening to music was the cure. Especially Duran Duran. Without them, grieving would have been much harder. I can even concentrate better when there’s music is in the background. If there would be silent I would be listening to the smallest sounds and nothing would get done. Everyone should have a balm that makes them feel better. If reading a book is your thing, you should do that. Any balm to your soul and inner peace is good. As long as it’s healthy so smoking and drinking is not an option.

Chase a dream without remorse

footprint in the snow
Made in Canva

I should really concentrate working on my portfolio for school but sometimes writing comes first.
I always seem to chase the wrong dream. If it’s about career choices or men I find attractive. The latter it’s always someone I know I can’t have. They usually live in another country or they’re, well famous. But I feel no remorse by chasing the wrong dream. Crushes come and go. The same with career choices. Many times I thought “this is what I want to do” But then something comes up and I don’t even bother trying. It has happened with writing for a living and formula one photography. It seems to happen with web and graphic design too. I just don’t what I want anymore. Maybe my destiny is to be unemployed for the rest of my life. Of course, I don’t want it to stay that way. I want to show the finger to that destiny. It’s not easy when you can’t even find a job. If I get an interview I fail at it. And that’s a big if.

I get excited about things but they usually short-lived. I wish I could stay excited much longer. I could have been something by now if I wouldn’t be so indecisive. I’m also too reserved and not a risktaker. I’m always thinking about what could go wrong. I also don’t believe in myself enough. Before I started to study graphic design in Helsinki Design School, I thought I was good at it. But now after the feedback I’ve got, I don’t know if I have any potential to get better. It’s the same with photography and web design. I don’t want to do things I won’t get better at. Then again who would stop me from doing things I like. You can’t please everyone. I learned English by practising and got better at it so why not with the design too.

I don’t dream big, I have them in small portions. I’ve dreamed of doing different things and that has come true. I don’t remorse anything that I’ve studied. I always found something useful in them. It’s good that you’re versatile or things would be boring. The current dream I chase is getting through this graphic design education with a good feeling. Getting the portfolio finished and getting through the presentation in front of the class with good results. That’s probably the biggest dream I have chased so far.