Month: October 2019

I’m the flower who cried

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dark red flower
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A flower cried and the flower is me. By crying I don’t mean tears running down my cheeks. It’s more about crying internally for things that are wrong with your life and why not others too. It’s nothing to cry about because life is what you make it. My life is mostly in my head. Things could be better but I still cry about how boring it is. I just don’t have the guts to be anything I really want to be. I try to have something to do to fill my days. Cleaning is not one of them even if I would have time to do it. OK, the secret is out, I’m messy and frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. Quoting a certain movie quote, wink. When people say work hard. For me, it’s working hard mentally. It’s not easy being me and I’m the only person who knows that.

I applied for a job yesterday. It’s nothing in my field though. To make a story short, it contains packaging. I have some experience of that but I don’t think that’s enough. They probably chose someone younger. I didn’t even send a resume. At least I applied to something. The point was, I could have started something long ago. Like in web or graphic design but now I still have to apply for jobs. They say you should apply to any job but isn’t that taking away a job for someone who has studied the subject? The one I applied for wasn’t that hard or how would I know. I imagine things a lot and the reality is something else. My job applications fail because I never know how to write things. It takes a lot of energy out of me when I have to think about it so I don’t do it very often. I’ve never liked difficult things. Like Math or coding. I especially have a problem with telling about myself.

I also cry about how people have no respect for silence. Do people really love their voices so much they have to keep talking? Not quietly but loudly. Maybe they’re hard of hearing. You hear loud talking in your own flat. On the streets and in public transport. You would think at least in your own home you could be without hearing the neighbours loud voices. It doesn’t need to be all the time but even one raised voice is disturbing. It sounds like they’re skinning a cat. I suppose living in a city and in a high-rise you just have to live with it. Sometimes I wish I could live on an island where no one would disturb the peace. At least people should take other people into consideration and not think no one else is there. These loud people are the ones who should move to the country. The easiest would be to have respect for other people and not this self-importance behaviour. Maybe that’s just too much to ask.

There are more important things to think about then other peoples behaviours. One of them is what to do with my life job-wise. I’m a flower that cries but I don’t always want to be like that. I just need to get the life I have in my head out in the open. Then I probably would only cry happy tears, internally.

You make me want to scream

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boy screaming into a mic
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My dad says with a scream you don’t accomplish anything. But sometimes you have to let it out. At least it makes me feel better.  But mostly I scream internally. There so much injustice in the world and people with no common sense. You can’t carry all the problems on your shoulders though. You need to concentrate on your own life. There has always been and always will be idiots in the world. All you can do is not being one. Think with your own head because that what it’s for.

A lot of things annoy me and sometimes I can’t control my temper. I try no to be too upset because there are things you just have to accept. When I was younger a lot of things got to me but I’ve learned to look on things differently. It’s really a waste of energy to take things personally. Some people’s behaviour makes me want to scream though. Easy things are difficult for some. Like throwing lit in the bin or park their car between the lines. I wonder how this kind of people can sleep at night. Idiots don’t know they’re idiots so that must be it. Maybe people like that take away jobs from other people who does have something in their heads.

Not only people can be stupid or simple-minded. But also these Bots on the internet. Or whatever give stupid or weird suggestions on different platforms. One of these is job search places like LinkedIn. Like this “do you know this person?” No, I don’t, idiot. Just because people you follow there know them it doesn’t mean I do. I get so annoyed with the whole thing and you can’t even make it stop. Then LinkedIn suggests jobs I haven’t even studied. Not only there but on the e-services on the unemployment centre’s website as well. I look for a job in web or graphic design and not in sales or any other job. It’s not even worth screaming for. More about eye-rolling than a scream. I’m not qualified for any of the suggested jobs so there is no point applying.

Everything is so fake these days. You have to be an attention seeker to get anything. Posting about your life on Instagram or any other social media place is the only way to go. “No ugly people allowed” kind of attitude. Even a job search is a fashion show. Only the most outgoing and ‘in your face’ people get a chance. “Look at me, look at me” promotion. Want to start your own business? Show yourself and ‘open sesame’ Maybe not quite like that but I hope you know what I mean. Things are so shallow today. A lot of people want that sparkling personality in their company. But what if you’re nothing like that. Then you’re discriminated and left in the corner. The work world shouldn’t work like it does now. People get burn-outs because of work overload and the other part have none job at all. Job search really is unfair and that makes me want to scream the most.