If I could reinstall something in my life, it’s the choices I’ve made. But you can’t go back. You can only live in the present. I don’t regret things, but I wish I could have done things differently. One of them is about occupations. I wish I had known earlier what I wanted to do. I was so into thinking about it, I missed things other people did. I shouldn’t have lived in the bubble. I was too worried about the things that could go wrong. I wished I had been brave. Now I will probably be alone with nobody around me. I could quickly become a recluse. I could live in a place where there are no people around. But I wouldn’t want to be there all the time. I’m a city person, so I need to see other people. I’m not a green thumb, so I couldn’t grow my own food or have a garden. I don’t even change the soil in my late mother’s plants.
Sometimes I think maybe I should have to reinstall my blogging path. Write about something more popular. But that can be changed at any time. I’m not very good at that advice-giving thing that seems to be in many blogs. I also don’t want to be like any other blog. I’m only blogging for fun. It wouldn’t be as fun if I did it for a living. It’s a lot of stress to think about blog subjects. So I wouldn’t want to reinstall my path in blogging. That wouldn’t be me anymore. I don’t want to reinstall myself. I like the way I am. I’ve come this far, and I want to move on. This blog is part of me, and if I reinstalled it, I would also reinstall me. I can not let that happen, do I?
Using two different Ragtag Daily Prompt words today. When there are two words that you can have in the subject, you can have them in one post. Life is a labyrinth, but it’s easier to bear with some impetus. I haven’t had much time to blog because of the career coaching. I’ve also been tired to write anything. Actually, I haven’t blogged as much as I did in January. The months go so fast. I have had so many other things on my mind. I have updated my CV and written an open application. I have sent them to two businesses. On Monday I send to another. You never know if you ever get any replies. But at least I’ve done something. Job search is a labyrinth. You may get out of it, or you may not. You just need another plan. I’ve had so many goals in my adult life I don’t know which one this is. Even if I got encouragement on the career coaching course, I still feel there is no impetus inside me. I’m not confident enough I’ll get anything. I might have an OK looking CV and cover letter, but I will probably screw up the job interview if I get one. I’m not gonna think that far. I will see what happens gradually.
Life is about getting through difficult times. During Covid, it has shown who is good at a crisis and who is not. It shows how people behave. Some are probably too dependent on other people, so they can’t take it when they can’t be with their friends. You get mentally stronger when you get through bad times. Life isn’t always fun. People should learn that. Everyone needs alone time no matter what kind of people they are. Get through the labyrinth and find the impetus within you.
I dislike it when I do a lot of hard work, but in the end, they are futile anyway. It’s a waste of energy, so I prefer doing things with a meaning. Sometimes, when I write a blog post that doesn’t get much attention, I feel I should have done something else instead of writing. I had this feeling when I started to blog quite a lot. Today I still feel like that, but I accept all posts won’t interest people. I write to myself anyway. I would write even if I felt it was futile. If you don’t write, you won’t get better at it. My job is done if I can get at least one person to like what I write. It’s not a competition about how many likes a post receives. This is my 9th year of having this blog which is an excellent achievement for a person who gives up too quickly. I’ve learned to be more persistent. If I only would be one when it comes to other things in life.
I could have done so much more if I hadn’t given up, but you can’t turn back. You just need to look forward and learn from the past. It’s never too late to become better as a person or in whatever you do professionally. Things can feel futile but finding at least one positive thing makes you feel it wasn’t all that bad. I’ve studied photography because I thought I wanted to become a photographer. But that’s wasn’t meant to be. I’ve studied web design because I wanted to become a web designer, but that wasn’t meant to be either. Then came graphic design. All that studying haven’t got me very far. I still feel like I’m a rookie, but it doesn’t feel they’ve been futile. I can do all of those things and more. If I get bored with one thing, I can do something else. I always wanted to do different things. I can combine the things I’ve studied with each other. E.g. photography and graphic design. If I had learned about subjects I wasn’t interested in, things would have felt even more futile. My first education after compulsory school was health care, but I’ve learned how to make a bed, so the bed cheat stays in place. I also learned about psychology at the school, so it’s wasn’t entirely wasted. Maybe I have been persistent in other things in life too. It takes a lot to find what you want to do with your life. It takes longer for some, but it’s not about getting there before anyone else. It’s about the journey. Life is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. I’m only half of the way.