Stubborn as a mule

mule figure in stone

Zoomorphic sounds like a zoo with terrifying animals. But when I looked it up, it’s not. I like metaphors, so I chose to see myself as stubborn as a mule. But I could also be a scaredy-cat because I’m scared of doing anything brave. Cats can also be stubborn. In some things, no one wouldn’t know I’m stubborn because I give up easily. If I had been bolder, things would be different. I’ve strong-willed when it comes to choices. You can’t make me do things by force. I do them when I feel like it. For example, if you say to me to clean the flat, I won’t do it because someone says I should. I do it when I want. I need to have the motivation to do it. I haven’t studied for occupation because there are jobs in them. I’ve studied things I wanted to. My parents never told me what to study. They have suggested things, but I’ve always followed my guts. I wouldn’t be happy if I had to do something I didn’t like. It hasn’t paid off, though. I instead am without a job than be in a position I don’t like. No matter how big the salary is.

You need to be stubborn to find a job. If you get rejected, you don’t stop searching. But I don’t have that in me. I’m both a stubborn mule and a scaredy-cat. I wish I was brave as a lion. I won’t hold my breath to get any contact from the companies I’ve sent the open applications to. I’m gonna move on. I’m not sure what to do, but I’ll let it be for later. I’m stubborn, so setbacks won’t make me give up. It’s the world that is in a hurry, not me.

My plate is empty

white plate
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My plate is empty

Tried so many things

I worked hard, mentally

Never got anything on a plate

Some people get more luck

My plate is empty

Maybe I should give up

Live in welfare

My plate is empty

I’m plain and have no glamour

Thought I was fine in what I do

No one wants to give me a chance

My plate is empty

But I’m strong and I can get over it

It’s not a big deal

I find joy in small things

My plate is empty

Don’t worry, I will get by somehow

When things go dishevel

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com

I went to the career coaching thing because I wanted to elucidate my job search skills (and the job centre suggested it). I did get my cover letter and resume updated, but the rest is dishevelled. There is a difference between sending an open application to an ordinary job and to a place where a portfolio is essential. I don’t think I will get any replies from the companies I applied to. They don’t look for people like me. They probably take someone with an impressive portfolio. Honestly, mine isn’t that good. I should get more job experience, but I don’t think I even get an internship. I might sound pessimistic, but you become that when things never go the way you wish. The ‘you don’t know if you don’t try’- thing isn’t what I believe in. I’ve tried that many times, but nothing has come out of it. It has worked when it comes to studying, but never in the job search. One of the downsides of sending open applications is that you never know if they will get in touch with you. It can take ages, or they never do. I’m not gonna wait for it. They say you should be in contact with the companies you sent them to. But that feels awkward, and it feels like you’re disturbing them. You shouldn’t say to me that the worse thing that can happen is if they say no. It will be no, and those words don’t make me feel better. It only makes me feel even more useless and unmotivated. Life shouldn’t be about job search. It’s not a full day job. Will never understand why someone would want to waste their whole day on it.

The only time things aren’t dishevel is when it comes to spare time. I have a lot to do on that front. I went to an ice hockey game a few days ago. Nothing beats a live sports event. I never get to see ice hockey on TV because it’s on a paid TV channel. I only listen to the radio. I didn’t get to the event in time because I took the wrong bus and then got lost. I had to take a taxi, so I lost 15 euros there. If I only wouldn’t have believed the bus app, I wouldn’t have gotten on the wrong bus. I knew what bus to take, but I thought I would take another bus that went the same way. Never be too sure where you are. If you know an easier way to do things, do it that way. I’ve learned my lesson. Next time I go and see ice hockey, I will take the bus that gets closer to the place where the event is held. The trip home went right, so I got home safely.

Things can’t stay the same all the time. They have to elucidate sometime. It has in the past. Anything can happen in this life. Or it might not happen at all. I wish certain things would come more often my way, but I guess that’s too much to ask. I just need to move on. You fall, but you get up again. If, at first, you don’t succeed, you might have the 100th time. Whatever success means to you, it’s the right one. For me, it’s finishing this blog post. Tomorrow it might be something else.