Things I don’t fancy

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I’m a picky person. I don’t do things if I don’t feel like it. One of them is cleaning. But this post is not about that. It’s about things I don’t fancy. The second dislike I have besides cleaning is job search. I can understand why some people don’t want to work. It’s trying to find a job that is off-putting. Trying to stand out and know how to promote your skills. Even with a good resume, you need to be a circus person. It’s not only companies that have a brand, but people need to be one too. If I could, I wouldn’t look for work at all. It’s difficult and depressive. You shouldn’t stop trying, but how can you when you get rejected. Job search is so strange these days. As one of the Pet shop boys song “Suburbia” says. ‘I only wanted something else to do but hang around‘ I want to do something with my life and not just be.

What I don’t fancy is trying to find the right words to describe myself in the question, describe myself and what my strengths are. I didn’t even know what to write on this blog’s About me page when I started. I don’t have a way with words. I get frustrated when I can’t find the words so I let it be and do something else instead. Why should you do things you don’t fancy? You can’t force yourself to do anything. If the words won’t come, then they won’t.

What I do fancy right now, is to watch something funny on Disney Plus, so I’m out of here.

Between optimist and pessimist

optimist pessimist made up arrow on road
Made in Canva

After a month, I’m back doing the Rag Tag Daily Prompt. I did Bloganuary, so I concentrated on those subjects. I’m an optimist that you have read this blog during that time. If you found this blog through Bloganuary, then welcome.

If someone asked what I am the most, an optimist or a pessimist. I would answer it depends on the day and what it’s about. I don’t know if there is a word describing how I think about things. I make decisions through my feelings, and if it doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it. I probably think with my gut and my head, but also what I feel in my heart. I’m a dreamer but also realistic. Some days I feel optimistic, but then there are days I feel hopeless. I try to think positively, but then negative thoughts enter my mind. I have never wanted to be like everyone else. I believe in myself. My mother said I can do anything I put my mind to. I was lucky when it came to my parents. They let me make my own decisions. They didn’t expect me to get A’s in school exams. I did my best; if I failed, it wasn’t the end of the world. In the end, grades don’t get you a job. No one will remember how much you got on that final exam or any other test.

What I’m not very optimistic about is getting a job. My mother was always worried I wouldn’t find any. She knew how it was to be unemployed, but I’m in a different situation than she was. I don’t have a family to support, for example. I also have other options if I don’t get any. I’m optimistic about finding something one day. I haven’t given up hope. Right now, I want to concentrate on my filmmaking studies. Maybe I will find something else to do besides that.

Bloganuary: Repost: Achievement doesn’t come easy

Originally published 2022/06/15 

Puzzle bits on a brown table
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Life is a challenge. To achieve something, you need to go through a long process. You can’t wait for things to happen. Achievement doesn’t come easy. It doesn’t need to be anything significant. Some people think that if you haven’t achieved anything big, you haven’t had any real success. But that doesn’t define it. If you’ve struggled through and overcome a problem, that’s an achievement. You don’t need to be wealthy, famous or popular among other people to feel you’ve succeeded in something.

My achievements might not mean anything to others, but for me, they’re everything. They are all my personal achievements. There have been times I wanted to quit, but I kept going anyway. I studied things I wanted, but there was always a doubt that it might not be the right one. I never wanted long-time studies. Two years are the longest. I couldn’t do something that took 4 years or more. Especially when I get older. It’s a shame that despite my efforts in all that studying, I have never got a job. Only one, but that was two years ago, and I was still technically unemployed. Maybe I’m just not that good after all. I don’t have any achievements when it comes to jobs. It feels like I’m being left out. If it’s a job search or posting things on social media. I just want to give them both up because it’s all in vain. Even blogging feels like a waste of time. It’s not easy to stay motivated when everybody else seems to succeed in what they do. Maybe people have forgotten that when someone posts online are supposed to be active. Like posts, maybe comment. Perhaps I’m too dull, and the things I post are uninteresting to others. It might sound pathetic, but I like my own posts on social media because then, at least, it doesn’t feel unnecessary.

It’s not easy trying to achieve something. Maybe it’s easier for some. For me, getting a driver’s license is a big deal. In a month, it’s been a year. I thought I would never get through the driving lessons and the theory. I failed it 26 years ago, but now it is easier. I wish people would have been more excited for me, but I guess it’s no big deal. I was glad to have achieved it. It’s gonna take a lot of practice to get better at it. I have only driven my dad’s car alone once, but that was only a short drive, and there wasn’t much traffic. Driving on the motorway is too scary, and I don’t like driving in traffic. It takes more than a year to learn the process of driving a car. As long as I don’t drive into something or someone, then it’s okay.

I enjoy the small achievements I get. Getting this post finished is one of them. I don’t know what else to do to get some attention to it, but I still write for myself, and that should be enough for me.