Other things that bother me are that people don’t seem to care much about my latest post about the Bryan Adams concert and the summer of 24. I had to like my own, but I did that only to make myself feel better. OK, I can’t expect people to like every post I make. But sometimes I feel it’s all a waste of time. Spending time writing in a language that isn’t my own. I don’t know if this post will get much attention. It’s alright; at least I can get my thoughts down. People reading or not. July is probably a slow month anyway, so people are outside of everything.
What bothers me the most is employers’ not replying to applications. I sent one over a week ago through email, and still nothing. I guess there is no chance this time either. Using the time and energy of a job search wastes time. They can keep their jobs. I didn’t want to work there anyway. I’m too tired to wake up early. Being unemployed is much better than trying to fit in. I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. I don’t want to do a job that I don’t want to do. I only get offered jobs that aren’t for me. Thinking about job search spoils the mood.
Kudos to those who bother reading this blog post. If you don’t, it’s OK. It won’t bother me. There is more to life than writing and reading blogs. It’s only one part of it. When things bother me, they go away after a while. I think about the good stuff and try to think positively. Things can’t stay bad forever. At least I can have faith in that thought.
Day 16. I’m not really passionate about anything. The word sounds like you’re mad and do crazy things. I prefer to call it things I like to do. I enjoy writing, but I wouldn’t call it passion. I like taking photographs, but I’m still not passionate about it. I can do without it. Recently I’ve taken photos with my mobile. I thought about becoming a professional photographer once, but then I realised it takes the fun out of photography. I wasn’t taking my camera everywhere like most photographers do. I could take photos if it was part of something, but I wouldn’t do it full-time. I like changes, so sticking to one thing would bore me.
Maybe my passion is watching movies. I saw my first movie when I was 3 years old. It was the 1937 animated version of Snow White. I still remember how scared I was when I saw the dark forest scene. I couldn’t watch any creepy stuff after that. I still can’t watch scary movies. The first time I saw Lord of the Rings- Fellowship of the Ring, I looked away when the orcs were shown. I belonged to a movie club when I was 10, where they showed children’s movies. I went there with my mother. I’ve seen a lot of movies in the theatre and on TV. I always watch them until the end. I can’t understand why people are in a hurry to get out. I’ve paid for the ticket, so why not stay. I also own several DVDs and Blu-rays. I just never seem to have the time to watch them. I’ve seen them more than once, but I also have discs I still haven’t watched. I’ve also studied writing movie scripts. I have experience in movie making. We wrote a scene, and then we shot them. It was hard work but fun. It would be nice to volunteer for an actual project one day.
Another possible passion is music. I listen to it every day on Spotify. I also have the radio on from time to time. Music has helped me a lot. It’s very therapeutic. I listen to it no matter the mood I’m in. I like all kinds of music. It depends on what I feel that day. Music helped me get through my mother’s death. Sometimes I play an instrument. I own at least 3. I only use one, though. In 3rd grade, I played the recorder, but I didn’t like it. Only when I became an adult did I learn to play it. Another instrument I can play is the synthesiser with one hand. I took classes when I was 6, but I only went once. My parents were displeased because they had bought me the instrument and everything. I have played it after that, too, but now one key doesn’t work. Now it’s at home collecting dust. I also own a harmonica but can only play randomly by ear. Without music, life would be dull.
Passionate or liking things, it’s the same, it gives pleasure. That’s better than doing something you don’t like, right?
I read about that claim, but I disagree. Just because you haven’t been paid doesn’t mean it isn’t a real job. The only time I got paid was when I worked as a media assistant four years ago. Before that, I had only internships where I got 9 euros a day, plus unemployment benefits. Then, on-the-job learning was part of education. Those are better than no job experience at all. Finding paying jobs is like swimming in syrup. It’s sticky, and you feel like you’re in can’t get out of it.
I’ve had internships that I had to take to get work experience. At the time, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I have more education than jobs. That’s the way it is, and I can’t change it. My first ever internship was in the kindergarten, but the only fun thing was being with the kids. They were so sweet. The rest wasn’t fun, so I won’t mention them. One of the first was in a net cafe, the most boring thing ever. There was nothing to do. I was supposed to help people with computers, but there were only a few customers. Other times, it was only sitting around and doing nothing. I also updated the memberships list on the computer. Once, I made a flyer about an event, but that’s about it.
The next job wasn’t much better but wasn’t as bad. It was mostly office work, posting things and so on. A few times, I took photos with a bad camera. Both of these jobs were in organisations, so they couldn’t pay. It was still a job or a workplace. That’s better than staying at home. At least I got something more than benefits.
Another internship was also in a boring place. It was a mail service business. I helped with packaging and updated customer contact information. Not a very exciting job. I didn’t like it, but I had to be there for about 2 months. When it ended, I was relieved.
The following internships involved education. One was in a local newspaper, where I studied visual expression for two years, between 2009 and 2011. We had on-the-job learning in the 2nd year. I did graphics for a local newspaper. Finished maps and infographics for the paper. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to do anything graphic design or photography. In fact, it was boring, and I was too shy to say much to my co-workers. One said they could teach me to draw, but I never asked. I wish I did, but what was done is done. I was only happy I didn’t need to travel to school for a month.
In 2012, I was a photographer for another local newspaper. But they only let me be there for 2 weeks. They made me believe they would consider me for a more extended period, but they probably already had some students coming in. So disappointing, but at least I got a few photos in the newspaper that I still have. Even if it was for a short time, that was probably the best internship I had so far. I liked I didn’t have to stay in the office all day. That was the job I wanted to do, to do different things.
My last education-related on-the-job learning was in 2017 when I studied web design for a year. We had one in the Spring and the other in the Autumn. The first one, I had one client. I did web design, but it wasn’t easy since I don’t like coding. I still don’t. I got something done, though. The client was understanding. I got good feedback, so it was nice to read. For the one in the Autumn, I had two clients. It was crucial to have at least two because we would have a presentation of our work in front of evaluators to pass the course. I did web and graphic design. One was a remake of a WordPress site. The other was designing a logo and a new website with WordPress. I truly liked freelancing, and then I started to think about entrepreneurship, but that’s another story.
Those were the jobs I had. Internships are real jobs, and it’s a shame employers don’t appreciate them. It feels like they have syrup in their brains, so they can’t see the bigger picture. There can be other reasons, too, but that’s how it feels. All I can think is it’s their loss. It doesn’t make me feel better, but it does bring me some comfort.
In my world 