Limited edition

September 7, 2017 MiaLeave a comment

I don’t think I’m anything special. I’m a modest person who doesn’t like attention. I get uncomfortable if someone looks at me. Even then when they’re not actually looking at me. I have a lot of confidence issues. You don’t see it on the outside. When I was younger I cared what other thought of me. Now it’s easier but there are still times I feel I’m being judged. I don’t like making eye contact with people when I talk to them. It’s also an introvert thing. No matter how much I am around people, I still will feel weird when I meet new people. A lot of people have tried to change me but I’m always been limited edition and that will never change. There must be a finite somewhere. I won’t try to change anyone so I expect others to do the same.

Everybody should feel they’re limited edition. Sometimes it’s good there’s uniqueness because some people just are too much. A lot of people think they have to be like anyone else to fit it. You don’t need to fit anywhere. Being yourself should be a real trend and not just something you say. Even if people try to be themselves, they still are like everyone else. The society forces you to be the same but we should show it the finger. There’s too much generalising. You should not assume anything. Things are not the way they seem. For example, if someone is dressed in torn clothes, it doesn’t mean it’s a homeless person. Maybe it’s the look they were going for. Maybe it’s a bad example but that’s the only thing I came up with at this point. When people meet me, they assume I’m always quiet. As a child, my class mates thought I was quiet at home too. At home, I could be relaxed and be myself.

Around people, you have to be more discreet. There are things people can’t understand. I don’t show emotion in public because it’s a personal thing. I would be too embarrassed. I wouldn’t even hold hands in public because I dislike attention. I even feel disgusted when couples kiss in public. Especially when you’re in the grocery store and you’re there to buy food. Two people drooling over each other is off putting. It’s not that I’m against people who show emotions but I rather ignore it. If people want to show affections to each other, they should do it at home.

Tallenna

Learning as in educate

September 4, 2017September 4, 2017 Mia1 Comment

It feels like I’m the most educated person at my age in the world. Educate yourself they say and it will open doors for you in the working world. That’s a lot of nonsense. It might work for some but not for me. Sometimes it’s frustrating to have all these educations and not get anywhere. Maybe I’ve been too passive when it comes to job search. But I have standards and maybe too picky. I think it’s a waste of time sending applications to a lot of companies. I rather find a job where I have a better chance. I can’t do any job either. Like a cleaner because of the strong detergents. It has taken me years to find out what I really want to do. When I finally have, I can’t find a job in that field.

My resume is full of educations and only internships. It’s a bit of an embarrassment, to be honest. Employers look at job experiences but mine is a joke. When I was a teenager, summer jobs didn’t interest me. I rather have a holiday than work somewhere. I should have listened to my mother but I was too inefficient. Now I have to pay the price. If there’s something in my life that I regret, it’s that one. I helped dad in his company but that was just pocket money so you can’t really count that as a work experience. It would be easier to be self-employed so you wouldn’t have to go through the job search process. But being a freelancer also has its disadvantages. All I know is, I don’t want to be out of work the rest of my life.

If someone dared to suggest I should go to school again, I would give that person the evil eye. I’m up to my ears with educations. I want to put my learning into action. I need a real job and not another education. I always knew what kind of job I want to do but I have never known what profession. When I chose what I wanted to study, they’ve always been creative. I thought I would get paid for being creative but so far none. I can’t really call myself anything. I have both basic examination in graphic design and vocational examination in web design, plus a degree in photography. I have learned all the basics in school so I don’t need to educate in any school. But the problem with having a creative job is that there’s always someone better than you. There’s no use of a certificate if you’re not good enough to get paid.

You can learn new things without having to go to school. There are different ways to educate yourself. I learn easier in practice than reading from a book. That’s one of the reasons why I never went to high school. That’s only voluntary in Finland. In school, you only get the basics. It’s in real life you learn the best. Through experience, you get better and that’s the best education you can ever get.