This might be pathetic for a person at my age. But some people use dating services which I find sad so who are you to judge. This post is not about dating though. That’s an American thing. Finns don’t date, we meet people. We go out to dinner, going to movies and so on but we don’t call it dating. The whole process feels weird to me and boring. I prefer doing something active. Old fashion dating is not my thing. I’m going off subject there. This post is not about dating and all that stuff.

It takes a lot for me to get interested in someone but when I do, I don’t get over it very fast. It’s usually with someone who I’ll never meet. I’ve had more crushes than I can remember. Sometimes it’s difficult to like someone I know I can never have. But then I see or read about relationships and realise it’s better to be alone. I’ve got over my crushes but there’s always someone new. It’s better to live in the dream world than letting them know how you feel about them. It doesn’t matter how dashing they look or what kind of personality they have. If you know you’ll never get a chance, you don’t even try. Why should you bother to do anything about it because it will never happen anyway? I know I will get over my crushes so I don’t make it a problem. They didn’t even live in the same country so there’s no chance in hell.

My longest crush was 13 years. I wouldn’t call it a crush but I don’t call it love either. I liked him a lot and still do but in a different way. Calling him a celebrity is the wrong word. He is drop dead dashing with a great personality. But men like that are always taken and that’s a line you can’t cross. Life is not a soap opera where you can seduce someone else’s partner and they fall for you instead. It’s easier to like someone from afar than going through the heartache in the real world. Especially when you’re never been popular. That’s one of the reasons why I keep crushing men I can’t have. I’ve gone through life by thinking about something else besides relationships. Maybe I’m paying the price now. It might sound sad but some people are meant to be alone and I’m one of them.

My crushes have always been with foreigners. Finnish men have never really been my cup of tea. There’s nothing wrong with them. But most Finnish men can’t act without alcohol and that’s a big turn off. Finnish is not really a romantic language either and it sounds corny when you want to talk about emotions. Unfortunately, most of my crushes have been athletes, pop stars or actors. That’s such a teen thing but that’s not entirely true. I’ve had those through my adulthood. That’s what good about being single, you can crush who you want and whatever age. It does have its disadvantages though. You wish you could meet your crush and tell them how you feel. But that won’t change anything since they probably won’t feel the same about you. If no one has never crushed on me, how can I expect to get any feelings back from a person I’ve never met? I can hardly look at myself.

I wish I could find someone who gives me the same spark as my past and current crushes have. But that won’t happen. I’ve out of their league. None of them would even look my way. Even if I proved them I don’t care about their money and fame, they would still choose that pretty one. Celebrities only want someone they can show at premiers. It’s been seen so many times. Everything they do something, it ends in the papers or online. An ordinary person would feel uncomfortable. I can only hope I get over this current crush soon. If he just wouldn’t be so drop dead dashing and almost perfect. Even if liking someone the way I do, is a great feeling, it has to stop sometime. If only that non-famous who gives me the same feeling would come along one day but I guess that’s gonna be a long wait.