You gave us Purple rain, a Red Corvette, we partied like it was 1999 and you told us Let’s go crazy, so thank you Prince we’ll never forget you.
Life is full of disappointments
It’s so easy to think about disappointments in your life than about things that is good. Sometimes life is full of surprises. That’s one of the reason I don’t like making plans because when I plan something, it just disappoints. I thought I would have a career, a family and a bright future at 25 but that never happened. It feels like I haven’t achieved anything in my life. I’ve only experienced disappointments. I feel like a failure at times. Seeing other people being so together at 30 something. Even under 30 has experienced more things than I have. At the same time I’m actually glad I’ve missed things because you can’t miss something you never experienced. When other have problems in family affairs or having to support others, I only have to live for me. Especially when I’m unemployed and I don’t have enough money to support anyone else. It’s a blessing and a curse.
I used to have a dream about becoming a pro in photography. I especially wanted to photograph motor sport. Mostly Formula One but that dream were dashed when I realised there’s a long way to go and I didn’t have faith I would get that far. I probably only wanted to photograph that because of a certain F1 driver but he’s now retired from that series anyway. Becoming a pro you need practise and if you can’t even get an internship how will you get work experience in that field. I’m mostly disappointed at myself that I don’t have that ambition and courage to try better. Follow your dream they say but I don’t believe it will ever happen to me. I just dream small because I’ve been disappointed too many times so I don’t expect much.
I had a happy childhood. I had loving parents and a sister. I had friends in school and everything was alright. It was the adulthood that has been sucking big time. I feel I’m behind everyone else in my age group. They’re all been experiencing things. Fallen in love, travelled outside Europe, got a career etc. I’m still stuck in what I want to do in my life. I’m a grown-up but mentally a lost child. I haven’t even had a real job with real pay. I’m still stuck in those teenage years when you’re still finding yourself. Except that I know who I am and why I’m on this earth. Well, in a way I don’t what my purpose is here. If there’s a higher power (which I truly believe there is) why do I only feel disappointments. Where is my happiness? Don’t I deserve it once in a while? By happy I don’t mean a relationship because happiness is more than that to me. I found happiness in small things but sometimes I wish I could find something bigger than that. I wish I had enough money to travel somewhere. Experience new things. What would me happier right now is a job where I know what I’m doing and in a laid back work environment. I probably end up disappointed again.
All those negative thoughts, there’s also positive thoughts. Enjoy the things you have and not what you don’t. I’m lucky I have a roof over my head. I have enough money to buy food and pay my bills. I’ve had parents who taught me things. I’ve had people who believed in me and support everything I do. I have my health. I don’t even have flu that often. I’m stronger than I was when I was younger. I believe there is a light in the end of the tunnel. Future might look and feel dark right now but it can’t last forever. Positive thinking keeps me positive even if there will be disappointments. But that’s what life is about it. You just have to take it as they come.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
What is beauty? Who defines it? We all have different tastes and you can’t tell a person they’re wrong if they think someone is beautiful. Yes men can be that too. It’s a matter of opinion what it is. Beauty is not about your appearance, it’s what you feel inside and how you represent yourself that counts. Maybe pretty people don’t agree but that’s the truth.
If you have a pretty face but are ugly on the inside, looks doesn’t matter. The reason why I don’t understand these most beautiful woman or sexiest man alive polls is because we all have different tastes. These polls are unnecessary. They only choose people who are in the public eye at the time. I know a lot of men who are much better looking than the ones who gets these “awards” but because they’re not “In”, they won’t be recognised.
There is a lot of talk about Jennifer Aniston being voted the most beautiful women in the world 2016 about how wrong it was. Some said “Are they blind?” But that’s just one opinion. Some people just take these polls too seriously. Every year there is a new one so what’s the point fighting about it. It’s the same with beauty contests. Ideals change as the world changes. Why are people so petty when it comes to other people’s looks?
So what is beauty? Is it perfect skin, slim figure and a killer smile? Or is it a great personality, a person who cares about other people and awesome in many ways? For me beauty is the latter. There is no such thing as “ugly” In every person there’s something beautiful about them. Even she who was voted for the ugliest women in the world which I found insulting. People can be so cruel but she handled it well. You can’t change the way you look. You might try plastic surgery but what’s the use. You only live once. It’s better to just accept who you are. Natural is more beautiful than fake anyway.
I think only once someone had said I was beautiful but I don’t really need someone to say it. When I look at myself, there are times I feel really ugly but then there are days I’m alright about my looks. Photos are different. I hate myself in photos. I might be superficial when it comes to men but so are men who are not handsome and yet wants a beautiful women. Why can’t it be the other way around? It’s because the society expects to see women dress nice and wearing make-up. The fair sex. If you don’t fit into that category then you’re an outcast, a misfit.
I’m a tomboy and I hate girly stuff. I’m one of those rare one’s who rather get dirty than put on a skirt and make-up. I love watching sport and I’m also good at doing it. That was one of my favorite subjects in school. Especially when it was outside. I’m not afraid to break a nail (they’re not that long either 😀 ) I can’t understand how someone can wear high heels. I could never walk in those.
I feel different inside. Looking in the mirror I don’t see the person I feel. It’s a mismatch. I wish people could see me the way I see myself. Trying not to be overconfident but I do have an interesting personality. Everyone should feel proud about themselves. We’re all unique in our special ways. I just wish there were more people who could see others beyond looks. Not to judge someone by just looking at them. You should get to know that person first and that’s the only way to get to know them personally.
Especially men seem to have problems with women’s looks. They expect all women to look like models and if you’re not, they don’t even look your way. I think the reason is the way media represent ideals of how to look like. In movies and TV you see beautiful people all the time. It’s no wonder kids get the wrong idea about how to look like. Then you see in magazines tips about how to look better or how to lose weight. The list is long. Every teenager will go through these issues like I did. But as I’ve got older I’ve gained enough of confidence not to compare myself to others. I’m not gonna change just to fit in. I’m too smart for that. I’m not afraid to be different. It’s other people who should accept me for who I am and how I look like. No one is perfect. Not even the most beautiful.
Beauty doesn’t see age. A beautiful person doesn’t have to be young as Hollywood seems to think. It’s unfair that when men get older it builds character but when women does, their past it. I’m glad I’m not a famous person. I can get old with dignity and not be criticised for the way I look or live. Life is beautiful. What would it be if we all look and felt the same? Young or old and everything in between, the real beauty comes from within.
