Who knows more about introversion than a person who is? I can’t begin to imagine how an extrovert feels because I’ve never been one. How many introverts have heard, “why are you so quiet?” or “you don’t say much”? A few years ago I didn’t even think about what introversion was. The word didn’t belong in my vocabulary. I just thought I was shy and reserved. I was but it was a risky business. Or lack of it more like it. I wanted to say to  people I’m not quiet. I just chose who I talk to. If a conversation wasn’t interesting enough, of course I wouldn’t say anything. Why would I care about subjects that doesn’t interest me? If extroverts don’t know how to stop, then what’s the point of an introvert to interrupt their conversations? We do have manners after all.

As an introvert, risk taking is not my strongest suit. I missed a lot of things because I was too worried about taking a chance. I wanted to study abroad when I was a teenager but my mother thought it was too expensive and it was. I could have gone when I had my own money but I never did. I just accepted I would never get a chance. Introversion was part of my cowardness.

If you don’t take risks, you’ll have a wasted soul. – Drew Barrymore

That’s the story of my life. Things are easier said than done. When someone says you should call that and that person, it’s easy to say, just do it. But for an introvert it’s not. I hate the feeling I get when I’m suppose to call a stranger. I’m really nervous. I think about what to say for a long time. Then I start to think about all kinds of scenarios of what could happen. I’m so worried I’ll screw up or get misunderstood. I would lose a lot of job opportunities this way if I had any. I’m just not a risk taker.

I’ve had taken some small risks. I did get an education. I took a risk to apply to Helsinki Design School to study photography and I got in without any help to fill the application. I did call that digital marketing company and got an interview. I didn’t get any work practise but I was proud of myself for taking that step to call a stranger. Those are risks some people might see it as a no brainer but for me it was an accomplishment. Even going to the store to buy a TV is risk taking. I’m not socially awkward and don’t suffer from anxiety, I just feel uncomfortable around strangers. That’s why I prefer buying things online.

It’s better be safe than sorry. People who take big risks, end up disappointed more often. I rather do things properly than do things on a whim. I think long and hard when I want to buy something expensive. Even if I was a millionaire I would still do things that way. I want to buy quality and not because I must have things.
Having this blog is a risk itself. I do reveal things about myself I wouldn’t normally do with people I’ve never met. As a private person it’s an achievement to be this open about things. As open as I’ve been so far at least. I still want to keep stuff to myself though. That’s a risk I’m willing to take. Not bad for an introvert, right?