Repost: If I could turn back time


Some things you can’t control. Like a death in the family. No one should go through that. Especially if you’re still a child. A childhood should be happy without sorrow. Mine was happy until that day when my sister died. I was only 6 years old and death is something you don’t think about. I don’t remember much about it. In a way it was good I was so young. I didn’t have to go through the same thing as my parents. All those hospital visits and coping with the illness. I don’t really know what she had but it was something to do with her immune system. It was rare at the time. Her death did affect my life in many ways.

I’ve thought a lot of times how my life would have been if she wouldn’t have gotten sick. We were quite close. I don’t think our relationship would have changed much. She would have been my rock. If I had problems I could talk to her. She would be a great comfort. Especially now when mother have passed away. If I had lived my life with my sister in it, I would probably be more outgoing and have more confidence.

If I could turn back time and live my childhood all over again, I would wish my sister would be healthy and see adulthood. The holidays would be much better if she would still be around.
I don’t know how it is to have siblings nor being the only child. I’ve experienced both. When I hear or read how people complain about having a sibling, I just think “at least they have someone” They can be a pain but that’s a small prize to pay. Living alone without one is not that much fun either.

Losing a sister at a young age has helped me understand other people who have lost a loved one. I don’t see death as a scary thing. I don’t even cry at the movies because it’s all fake anyway. For some death is something they don’t want to think about. They don’t know how to take other people’s sorrow. Only people who have gone through the same thing can understand.

It’s not only what you go through in your childhood that molds you. It’s what you experience through life. If I hadn’t gone through what I have been through I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am what I am and nobody can tell me to be something I’m not. That’s something everybody should remember.

Originally published on December 1, 2014

Repost: Allergic to you

dust on tarmac

I’m not allergic to food or animals but I am allergic to dust, sweat, strong smells and cigarette smoke. I’ve mentioned before about my atopic eczema. If I was allergic to food I could choose what to eat. But when it comes to fragrances, there are things and places that are difficult to avoid. When you’re around people, there’s always someone who wears too much perfume. Or a smoker who has just been outside. That’s the worse smell ever, a person who has just smoked. I can hardly breathe if someone like that is close by. When smoking was still allowed in pubs and cruise ships, my skin reacted to the smoke. It got itchy and I had dry skin for days. Luckily, they forbid smoking inside and now it’s much nicer to travel on ships. Except my skin still gets dry but that’s because of the bedclothes in the cabins that are washed with a strong detergent.

I can’t sweat so running and other “sweaty” things should be avoided. If I do run, my skin becomes itchy and it’s really unpleasant. That’s why I hate it if I’m late and I have to run. I can’t do physical work. Any job where you have to wash your hands often or use strong detergents is bad for me. Even hot weather makes my skin itch. I can’t stay in the sun for too long either. In winter the eczema is the worse. In the summer it’s not that bad. Some people think it’s contagious but it’s not. It doesn’t look very nice but you won’t get it if you touch someone. My allergy is mild compared to what others might have. Some have it on their hands but luckily I haven’t. Mine is mostly on my face and arms. Sometimes my face is so red, that I’m not very willing to go outside. I use an emollient cream which seems to work. Moisturizers that doesn’t contain alcohol is good for me. I have to use fragrance-free products but luckily there’s quite a lot to choose from. Wearing wool on bare skin makes me itchy. When I was younger, I was so embarrassed about having eczema on my arms so I wore long-sleeved shirts all summer. As I got older I noticed wearing short sleeves made it better. It’s the sweat that makes the skin itchy.

House dust and especially during cleaning makes my nose run. I begin to sneeze and sometimes I get 24-hour flu because of it. That’s the reason I don’t like dusting. Dust also makes my face itch. The dust outside in the spring also gives me mild reactions but not as much as inside. Sometimes I think maybe I should hire a cleaner because of my condition but I don’t like strangers touching my things. Besides, housekeepers cost money and I rather clean my flat myself. Anyone with an allergy of any kind knows life isn’t peachy but you learn to live with your imperfections.

Bloganuary: The best of me

feet and a cruise ship

Day 26. What is your favourite part about yourself?- it sounds like a job interview question. I have a lot of good qualities, so I can’t just choose one. Everyone should be proud of who they are. It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t appreciate them and tries to change you. Unless they are bad qualities, and even then, you are the one who should be open to making the changes.

What people seem to lack is being considerate. They only think about themselves and don’t see there are other people. They have no respect for rules either. They smoke in front of you, and they don’t even ask for permission. They talk loudly no matter what time it is. This is a problem in high-rise buildings. You would think they are hard of hearing. It’s the same with playing music out loud in the middle of the night. There are rules that you shouldn’t make loud noises after 10 pm. When you live in a building with other people, you should respect other people who live there. You can’t act the way you want to. It’s strange that adults don’t know how to be. Just to name of few reasons. I’ve been brought up to be considerate towards others. I can’t understand people who aren’t. Sometimes I wish I lived in a place where there were no other people around. If there were, they should be as considerate as me. People with good manners are always welcome.

I’m also compassionate. I can put myself in someone else’s shoes. Especially if I’ve experienced it personally. I could never hurt anyone of purpose. If I have, I feel bad afterwards. I will never understand why someone wants to hurt someone else. I know how it feels when no one seems to care about you. Bullying kids or adults isn’t right. There have always been different people, and we should respect that. It won’t change by bullying just because they’re different from you. People are afraid of things they don’t understand. Certain people try to be cool, but they only look like fools. The bullies are the ones with the problem. It’s a shame they don’t get the help they need. Having compassion is a quality more people should have. I’m glad I have it, and I don’t need to search for approval from other people. I had enough attention at home.

I’m relatively open-minded. Sometimes I do doubt about trying something new. I’m open-minded about different ways of living. It’s doesn’t matter what sexuality you are or what race you are. All that matters is that you know who you are and are happy in the things you do. As long as you respect others and don’t judge. I dislike it when people assume about things. You should research first before making up your mind. Things are not always the way they seem. I admit that sometimes I disapprove of certain things, but that’s only because I didn’t think they would happen for real. One of them is polyamory relationships. People who live with more than one partner. I just don’t get it. I thought that only happened in fiction. It’s a bit weird that’s a thing. The same with open relationships. So one wasn’t enough?! I wouldn’t say it’s disgusting, but it’s something I would never do. I can’t even find one. If I was looking, that is. People can live the way they want. Who am I to judge?!

One final good quality I have is that I know how to do many different things. I might not be good enough at it, but I’m versatile. I have studied many things. Most of them are creative. People might think I don’t know what I want. The truth is, I do, but I don’t know what I should focus on. I want to do so much, but I’m also indecisive, which is also a bad quality of mine. What I do best is writing. I used to want to do something that I could use that skills. I didn’t want to become an author like people thought when I said I wanted to write. I can hardly finish a fanfiction story, so how could I finish a book. I thought I wanted to become a journalist, but I wasn’t good at writing news or doing interviews. I have always written something. Diaries, stories in school etc. Writing as a hobby was good enough for me. I discovered blogging and real person fan fiction, and here I am. I love writing in English. When I try to write in Finnish or Swedish, I don’t get any ideas. Since English is an international language, it gets more readers. I was very good at it in school too.