Life is like sport, you win some and you lose some. Last Friday I went to an ice hockey game but my team lost 2-4. The game didn’t look that winsome anyway. But today there’s another game at home so maybe this time we win. To do it you need to lose. That’s like life, you don’t always succeed. My life hasn’t been anything special to mention. I don’t look winsome and my self-esteem could be better. I’ve learned to find joy in small things. I hear what others have done at a certain age. Someone went aboard at 19 but I was looking for something else. It’s actually all a blur what happened in my life at the 1990s. It wasn’t worth remembering either. It was such a long time too. I remember what I studied but no special memories from that time. The past is the past and it’s nothing to dwell about it.
Unlike in sport where the coach can be fired from their posts if the team doesn’t win. In life, you can’t fire yourself. You just have to live with the burden. You just need to find a solution to your own problems. Maybe someone can give you support and all that but it’s you who makes the final decision. Unless someone is trying to control your life. Like parents who tell you what you should be and so on. If you have a choice to decide your own things then you should stick to it no matter what others think about it. If everyone was pessimistic nothing would be done. There is always nonbelievers but that shouldn’t stop you from living your own life. It might not be winsome for everyone but a life nonetheless.
I’m a night owl. I don’t wake up at dawn unless it’s really necessary. It’s unnatural to wake up at dawn if you’re not going anywhere. Sometimes I go to bed at dawn if I’ve been writing fan fiction. Last time I woke up at dawn was when I went to Helsinki to study graphic design. Then I had to wake up at 4.30 am or so to catch the bus. The school started at 9 am. There are advantages to get up that early. Not many people are around. There is a special feeling when you walk outside in the silence. Watching the sunrise in the distance from the car or train window. I like getting up early in the morning. It’s just that getting to bed early that is the problem. I never seem to want to get to bed early.
When I was younger we went to Lapland by car. We woke up at 3 am and ate breakfast. It took 12 to 14 hours to drive there so we had to leave early. Everyone was asleep and the streets were empty. We drove through cities and then on dark roads where there were no street lights. Every time I hear the song ‘You belong to the city‘ by Glenn Frey I think about those trips. It has the same feel to it. The best part was when the sun got up. That’s something I will never experience again. My dad doesn’t want to drive long trips like that anymore. It was exhausting for him because he was the only one with a licence in our family. We went by train a few times but it wasn’t the same at all.
I see no point of waking up at dawn if you’re not doing anything special the next day. If I wake up that early I feel sleepy all day. In the evening I got so much to do I don’t feel like sleeping. I think best in the evening. I have always been someone who gets to bed late at night. Sometimes I wish I could get up earlier than I do. Things look different in the morning light. But the problem is I don’t want to get early to bed. Some people get up early no matter how the day would be. I could never do that. I love sleeping but not enough so I could go to bed early. My mother used to say to me if you go to bed early you wake up early and then you have time to do things. It’s true but like I already wrote, I don’t like going to bed early. Waking up at dawn is unnatural to me. But I can wake up early if I really have to but it has to be a really good reason.