Everything but bold

bold woman jumps over mountain
Made in Canva

It feels like I’m already blogged about the same subjects on this blog several times. I’ve noticed posts about job search hasn’t interest people that much. Well, recently at least. It’s OK. It’s mostly blabber anyway. Most of the time I don’t even remember what I posted in the past. But who does? Unless they have a very good memory. Human brains can’t handle that much information. It doesn’t matter really if I wrote things before because new followers have found this blog just recently. No one has that much time to go back in the past anyway. I do have 951 posts after all. Sorry for boring you with details like that.

What I was about to say is, I’m a lot of things but bold I’m not. Unless it’s in writing. In real I’m really not. I never say my opinion to people I don’t know. I just can’t do it because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. When I was a child people thought I’m also quiet at home. But I was definitely not. Just ask my father. At home, I’m a totally different person. There I can say what I think. When you’re in public you need to show some manners. You can always show them rude gestures when they’re not looking. But I wouldn’t say bad things in people’s faces. But if they are rude to me, I won’t hesitate to defend myself. Treat other people the way they treat you. Or walk away if they look threatening.

If I had been bolder in the past I could have been something more but I was too much of a coward. It wasn’t lack of encouragement. My parent was really supportive. Maybe boldness skipped a generation. My mother went to Sweden when she was young. Relatives live there. My dad started his business during Finland’s depression and still works even if he’s retired. Of course, their life was different from mine and they’re a different generation. I’m always been stubborn and did things my way. I even learned to walk when I felt like it and not because my parents expected me to. I could have been more flexible when it came to decisions. Like with summer jobs as a teen. I took part in a summer job lottery once but I didn’t get a job so I didn’t try again. I just wanted to relax in the summer after all the school work I did. The idiom, look before you leap, is almost my motto. Except all I do is look and see all the things that could go wrong. I’m not totally afraid of doing things. I did travel alone the first time when I was 17. Studying in a different city or town is one kind of boldness. Luckily I lived in a dorm so I didn’t need to find an apartment. I did get home at the weekends but still, I did live in another city. I have never travelled abroad alone though. Except if you count school trips but those were hell anyway so they don’t matter.

Starting a blog is bold. There are people who are afraid to start one but for me, it’s been a natural thing. It’s easier to write than talk. You don’t need to follow the crowd. Blogging can also be just a hobby. It shouldn’t only about profit or being like any other blogger out there. Boldness can also come from not being afraid to share a piece of your inner world to others. You don’t need to write about your personal life if you don’t want to. Blogging should be fun and not something you have to do. Maybe I’m a little bit bold after all.

Here is to hope

rainbow in the horizon
Made in Canva

Maybe I’m being unrealistic but there is always hope no matter how bad things get. If I didn’t have it I would probably not be here today. You need hope to get through with life. If you give up too easily when things get tough, hope will be pointless. I have experienced loss and grief but having hope to move on has helped me get through them. Having too much hope can also make you feel blue when things don’t go the way you want to.

Having so many disappointments can make you bitter but it can also make you look at things differently. I’ve expected too much about the educations I’ve had. I thought I would have at least more work experience but no luck. Educations don’t seem to help anything. Finding a job is the only thing I’ve lost hope for. Only young people seem to get internships. On one workplace they had these young interns and they get to work with real projects. People like that will always get a better chance that I ever will because I lack experience. I feel like a loser because I’m not wanted anywhere. It seems that you’re too old even when you’re under 50. I don’t know what job I’ve good for. Even now when I study graphic design it feels like I’m an amateur. Some people seem to get all these great experiences and I’m still running in circles. Nothing much as changed in 10 years. I don’t even want to look what’s on offer because I know in advance I won’t have a chance. You need 3 or more years of job experience and skills I don’t have. I’ve been stupid for believing education would help to get a job. Internships don’t mean anything. But that’s better than nothing. Some don’t even have that. Still, having studied hasn’t totally been in vain. I’ve learned things I didn’t know about before. Learning new things is good for your mental health.

I hope to find some solution to these dilemmas in life. I don’t want to be someone who gives up hope because of someone else. You should enjoy the small things of hope. For me, music is one form of hope. If I feel down I listen to songs that cheer me up. It’s incredible how effective music is. It takes all the worries away. Here is to hope, cheers. 🍸