Marvels only happen to other people

September 2, 2019 MiaLeave a comment

It seems only other people get to experience marvels in their lives. Life-changing things. Good things. You on the other hand only experience bad things. If it’s poverty, losing a loved one or any other negative experience. Not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouth. There was a Finnish article about rich people and how they see things. One was that most of the unemployed are lazy and poor people should only blame themselves. It’s so easy to claim about those things when they have inherited their parents or other relatives. Some wealthy people think anyone can become rich but that’s only a dream. A lot of people don’t even want to be rich. They just want enough so they don’t need to struggle financially. It also seems people with a lot of money become greedy and their reality becomes blurry. They would change their tunes if bad luck would strike them.

You’re either lucky or not. Sometimes in between. I haven’t experienced anything marvel so I don’t expect it to happen in the future either. If it did I wouldn’t mind it. One example is of nothing happened was when I studied in Helsinki Design School. It was photography. Now I read stories about students who studied there and how they’ve managed to get a job after their education. Or they started their own business. Not just photography but other fields of study as well. I have had no use of this education from this school. I didn’t even get an internship. I doubt I get any from the graphic design education either. The only thing I did get from this school was something to do. I might have learned something but I probably will forget it soon. I did learn I didn’t want to do photography for a living after all. Maybe you need to be young and pretty with an outgoing personality to get anything. Or maybe I’m just too crap to get hired. Marvels only happen to other people. I can only read about other people’s success stories with envy. The web design education wasn’t much better.

It’s not a marvel but I have got into educations I’ve applied to. Some of them were just past times but others were something that could be useful. You would think a healthy and educated person would have a job by now. But no you need experience to get anything. I don’t have any relatives who could give me a job. I’m never in the right place at the right time. It’s like my destiny is to have an uninteresting life. I try to be positive about what I have but there are times I wish I had something else. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side though. People might look happy in the Instagram photos but most of the photos there are fake. Other people’s life might look marvellous on the outside but it’s not always so. In a way, I’m glad I’m not living the way certain people are. I don’t like drama and I rather live in my own little bubble than be a puppet of society. Everyone doesn’t need to experience anything marvel to be happy. You should enjoy the small things in life. Mine is at the moment to finish this blog post and I have succeeded at last. It only took me 4 hours so cheers.

Enthusiasm for about 4 minutes

August 31, 2019 Mia3 Comments

light brown cat sleeping — Made in Canva

First of all, I’m in pain. I don’t what it is. Maybe there’s something in my teeth that causes me a headache. It’s been a couple of days. The pain comes and goes in different parts of my head. It’s more of a throbbing than pain but still, I feel like passing out. Painkillers help at least for a while. This is one of the reasons why I haven’t blogged as much as I wished. The other is watching sport on TV but that’s another matter. I try to make some sense in this blog post despite how I feel right now.

I always seem to have enthusiasm for about 4 minutes in different things and then I skip the whole idea. I was excited about photography for years but then I got over that. Now I only photograph occasionally. Then I got the enthusiasm of web design. But now that feels like an unrealistic dream too. The last is graphic design but now I don’t feel that excited about it. Maybe because finding job experience is like trying to search for your lost youth. The entrepreneurship was exciting at first but now I’m not so sure about that. I just don’t what to do with my lack of enthusiasm. I have an attention span of a child. I get excited about things but then it only lasts for a short while and I want something else instead. Especially if it’s something I bought online. I get enthusiastic when I order it but when it finally arrives it feels empty inside. It’s a bad habit and it can become an addiction if you’re not careful. It’s so easy to buy things online. I’ve bought movies on Blu-ray but some of them I still haven’t watched. I just haven’t find the time and strength to watch them. I hope I will though.

Last time I felt enthusiasm was this week when I had to take my dad’s old smartphone because the microphone on my mobile doesn’t work anymore. I thought now I can use Instagram and take better photos. But it doesn’t want to install it. Actually, Google doesn’t let me. That goes with any social media apps. I have those on my tablet but that shouldn’t matter. I’ve tried to search for a solution online but none of them helped at all. I’ve signed into my Google and Google Play accounts but nothing works. It doesn’t really matter. I don’t need those apps on my phone anyway. I can’t share anything which is the only downside. Expect if I download the photos on my laptop through Bluetooth. That rules out Instagram but honestly, I’m not a big fan of it. I thought of deleting the whole account. At least not post there anymore. My enthusiasm has calmed down since I got my dads phone. Now the smartphone is just like my old phone. For calling and texting mostly. My old phone is still much better than any smartphones out there. A shame I can’t call anyone with it anymore.

Agitate me and you will feel it in your bones

August 20, 2019 MiaLeave a comment

I might be a calm person who never raises their voices but some things just agitate me and I have to let it out. If you don’t want to see me upset, don’t irritate me because then you will feel it in your bones. But only if you really know me. I don’t go around strangers and scream at them. I’m too shy for that. I can keep the irritation inside me. But at home, I can let it out. Keeping your feelings inside is never good. That’s something my dad don’t understand. When I was younger I had these rage fits. It wasn’t because I had some mental problems. I just couldn’t stand certain things. One that really agitated me was that I wasn’t allowed to show my feelings. I still don’t. My dad always seems so calm and things don’t bother him. But I can’t live like that. He always thinks I shouldn’t bother what others do. I don’t but why can’t I have an opinion about it. Maybe my dad accepts what happens in this world but I don’t. If you accept everything then you’re part of the problem.

There’s is so many agitating things and people in this world. It seems people care more about themselves than others. One of these people is neighbours. They talk too loud and have parties too loud. The most important things for them is themselves. They don’t care some people need to get up early. Especially if it’s a weekday. You can have your parties as long as you don’t disturb others. It doesn’t need to be a party. It can be moving things in your flat or banging a nail to the wall at night. What kind of idiot do that during the night anyway? But idiots are anywhere and it will never change. People’s attitude towards others has become worse. It’s a me-me world. The worse part is that even young kids behave like they’ve never had parents. It seems they don’t teach manners in school either. They litter and don’t care who gets hurt. Kids are worried about climate change and yet they don’t do anything about it. Practice what you preach. Adults should be a good example for kids and not the other way around. Now it seems some parents give in to their kids too easily. No wonder there is an idiot raised every minute. Kids are just innocent by-standards and they don’t even know it. Fortunately, there are decent parents too. At least there is some hope.

Being agitated doesn’t always been anger. Writing this blog can be agitating sometimes. Since I write in English some words to describe something is hard to find online. I know them in my own language. Sometimes not even that. I use Google but as you probably know, it’s mostly wrong. I usually get agitated so I skip the whole sentence and write it in some other way. Or don’t bother at all. Writing anything if it’s a blog post or fiction is not easy. Especially when you should tell about yourself in a cover letter and even an About me-page. It’s like pulling teeth. It can’t just be, “well, I am me and there you have it” and get on with it. It’s so much more and honestly, I don’t want to bother with it. It makes me agitated and I rather concentrate on something less stressful.