Tag: about me

Once upon a time there was a sloth

Mia6 Comments

Inefficient kangaroo

(Warning! This post contains some harmless self-loathing)

Thinking of my life so far, it has really been very inefficient. I don’t really have anything special to tell the future generations. My biggest achievement is probably staying alive this far. Or I haven’t killed anyone yet. That counts for something, doesn’t it? It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s more about not having the courage to do things. When I do, it takes slowly. I feel like sloths, you know those animals. Since I had to do 4th grade twice, it felt like I’m a step behind from my own age group. Figuratively speaking, I’m still in high school and the others are already at the University. But you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. We all walk different paths.

When I meet new people I never find anything in common with them because they’re on a different wavelength than me. I find it difficult to become friends with anybody because of that. I’m an adult but yet a teenager. I should have decided what to do with my life already. But I think and think without getting much out of it. Like this entrepreneur course, I’m attending. Some are almost ready to start trying to have their own business. I’m a dreamer and not a doer. I’m brave in my head but the reality is totally different. I wish I could be like my father. When he decided to have his own, he started it. But he also had experience from working with someone else. I’ve never had a paid job in my life. I’m this micro human who is invisible because of being too cautious.

At least I have tried something and not stay put. I always want to learn something new and that way improves myself. But sometimes I think they’ve all been in vain. What’s the point having learned new things if you can’t practice them for real? My hopes have been dashed several times which makes me want to try things even less. It’s like an extrovert saying to an introvert to talk more. It’s easy for another person to say, do this and do that. It takes me a lot of effort to decide things. I wish I was brave enough and maybe I would be more confident to take risks. Maybe it gets better with age. A lot of age. I really hope it won’t take that long because life is short.

The invisible woman

Mia7 Comments

invisible stockholm

There is a song by Queen called ‘The invisible man‘ That’s what I feel but as a woman. I’m an invisible individual that no one seems to care about in real life. Except for my dad. I’m totally fine with that because I don’t want that much attention. But when it comes online, I want someone to notice me. Not like notice, notice. I’m not looking for fame. I just want to touch at least one person’s heart. I especially feel invisible when I post something online and no one pays attention. The Internet is a big place and everyone can’t get the same amount of attention. But yet it feels a bit depressive.

When I started blogging, it felt even worse. I did get followers in the end but the beginning wasn’t really pleasant. I didn’t know what I did wrong. Maybe my blog was too different. It doesn’t have what other blogs have. The subjects weren’t ‘sexy’ It isn’t about food or fashion. It doesn’t even help people. That’s what people look for on the internet, information that helps them. I’m the kind of person who searches for answers and not giving them. I don’t have enough of patience to teach people. Even helping my dad with the computer is a pain. If it was a stranger, I would probably get irritated and yell at them to fix their own problem. As the years of blogging has gone by I’ve told myself, so what if I’m invisible, I write anyway. Someone will always notice even if they don’t show it. Maybe I have helped someone but I don’t know it. If you’re a new blogger, don’t worry if you don’t get followers after your first post. If you wait long enough and keep writing, they will come. Some bloggers just get there faster than others.

I wish I could believe in my own advice. I think to myself I’m probably just a boring person that no one takes an interest in. If it’s about writing (blogging, fan fiction) or posting on social media. It’s like talking to a wall. If something good or bad happens in my life and I post it online, I get no reaction. It’s nobodies fault really, it’s just my paranoia talking. Sometimes my pessimism gets a hold on me. I always think what could go wrong instead of taking a chance. It shouldn’t matter if not a lot of people take notice. But that’s the whole point of being online. If you can’t get attention from others, you might just be invisible. I don’t completely trust my online presense when it comes to marketing my skills. It seems everything I do, goes down the drain. It feels like I have no talent and my destiny is to be ignored the rest of my life. If only I could get paid to be invisible and I didn’t need to do anything. Maybe going around poking people and they would wonder what it was all about.

So that this post wouldn’t sound so depressing, this video will make you feel a lot better.