Tag: about me

I should be dancing

MiaLeave a comment
couple dancing
Lyric from ‘Dancephobia’ by Duran Duran

I can honestly say, I don’t like dancing. I like watching people dance but I don’t do it myself. I dance alone when no one sees it but that’s as far as dancing goes. I get embarrassed easily. I hated discos in school. We had those a couple of times. I dreaded the time when we had them. I couldn’t get away from it either. When someone asked me to dance, I declined. I’m sorry but I do anything so I don’t have to take part in dancing. It’s not that I can’t dance, it’s more about other people being there. When it comes to the traditional dancing, the only dance I know is the waltz. In my head, everything seems to work but when I try to dance, the reality is totally different. I can’t even try any moves Michael Jackson did. I’m amazed how people learn to dance like him.

If I got married, which will never happen, I wouldn’t dance. I’ve never been to one either but if I did, I would just watch other people dancing. Dancing isn’t my type of fun. My mother was totally different. She loved it. She danced since she was a teenager and she continued until she couldn’t anymore. She met my father at a dance. That’s how people met at the time. Maybe some still do. Dancing is a good way of staying in shape. These days when young people go out dancing, the places have too much noise. You can’t talk there without shouting and I hate that. I can’t understand how people can have a discussion in a club. If I want to meet people, I go to a place where there isn’t much noise. I like talking to people where I don’t have to repeat myself because they can’t hear.

If we danced through life, we would miss the most important things. Dancing in a sense of a metaphor. We need to stop for a while when things get hectic. Life is like dancing. There are steps you have to learn and practice to get better at it. If you lose the rhythm, you have to start again. Everyone fails from time to time but you shouldn’t stop dancing. We fall to get up again. Life is too precious to worry about things we can’t control. There are bad and good things in the world. Everything isn’t a fast dance move, you also need slow ones. I’ll never dance to someone else’s tune. Meaning, I should be dancing but on my own terms. That goes for everyone. Do what you want with your life because it’s yours and no one should tell you how to live it.

Tallenna

Tallenna

In the shelter of my heart

MiaLeave a comment
two love locks
Blog title from ‘Shelter’ by Duran Duran

I get weak but I never faint. Even when I fell off my bike and fractured my elbow some years ago, I didn’t faint. I could have but luckily I didn’t. It would have been a bit embarrassing if I had. I was out in public at the time. There are people who can be so nervous so they faint. I had a classmate who did that when we rehearsed for a performance in 3rd grade. I don’t know if he was nervous though. When you faint it’s because of lack of oxygen in the brain. Sometimes I do feel like I could faint but that’s only because of certain people who I find desirable.

Yesterday when I was at the movies watching Thor: Ragnarok, I could have fainted of all the beauty on the screen. Well, Loki. I laughed so hard too, I could have fainted. Luckily I was sitting down. Actually, everything Tom Hiddleston does makes me want to faint.

Some people faint when they see blood. Even if needles scare me, I never feel weak when I see one. Uncomfortable, yes but that’s about it. Since I have never fainted, I don’t know how it feels. I hope I never experience it either.

In his deep blue swimming pool

MiaLeave a comment
sunbeam
Post title “I Believe/All I Need to Know” by Duran Duran

I have all these thoughts that simmer in my mind about what I want to do in life. It’s a deep blue pool but I don’t seem to find a lifebelt to save me from drowning. When I do get an idea out there, it seems to disappear into outer space with the rest of them. It’s difficult to stay positive when life gives you sour grapes. I keep searching for something but I don’t know what it really is. I used to have doubts about this blog too. I didn’t think it would get this far but I didn’t give up. People have found it even if it did take about 4 years or so. At least it feels that long. I wish I could be as patient as I have been with blogging. It feels like my life is getting shorter and I don’t have time to do anything before I leave this earth. But it’s not the end. I still have at least 30 years left of working years.

My life hasn’t been the way I expected it to be. I thought I would have a career by now but it’s not even close. I have no special goals and I have no ambition. People at a young age know what they want to do and they get to a position where they get experience. There’s a lot of younger people than myself who works in web design and they’ve come much further because they started when they were in their 20’s. I’m not even sure now if I really want to be a web designer. It felt like a good idea earlier in the year but now my uncertainty has come back. Maybe I’m just afraid to start anything. Now I don’t have a teacher to help me. Everything seems easy in my head but when the time comes to do something, I back off. I wrote about the life after web design education in my other blog so I don’t want to repeat things.

You might think only ordinary people have problems getting started but it can happen to anyone. Even the most obvious ones. For example, you would think someone like Tom Hiddleston would have got movie roles easily but it isn’t so. They say he wasn’t made for the big screen and that he wouldn’t get roles in blockbuster movies. Or something like that. If he had given up a movie career, it would have been a great loss for all of us who like him. No one has said to me I can’t do it but I can imagine how it would feel like. When I hear stories like that, it gives me motivation to not give up. If I only had the courage to do something instead of complaining about how difficult things are. Maybe they’re not at all but my subconscious is holding me back. I got through difficult times before and I conquered them all. What I plan to do next shouldn’t be impossible. It might simmer but not boiling over. I need to stay grounded and better things will follow.