When you’re young you think you need to make final decisions about your future and stick with it. But in life, you never know. Sometimes you have to abandon a plan and start all over. It’s fine to change your mind. I’ve started a lot of things over again. If it’s about choosing an occupation or even starting a blog. A lot of people made bucket lists and if they don’t achieve them they feel they have failed. Life is not gonna be over. You can achieve them at any age. You don’t need to do everything before you’re 20 or 30. Not even in your life. Some things are impossible to achieve anyway. For example, everyone won’t invent something that still doesn’t exist. Your goals should be little things.
An abandon plan opens a new one and it can be something much better. I have many times abandoned my fanfictions and starting a new one. So I have quite a lot of unfinished stories I’ve posted online. I get new ideas and then I forget the old ones. It’s either boredom of the stories or my interests have changed. It can also be because I feel people aren’t reading them anymore. I don’t know if the new ideas are better though. I post them on AO3 (Archive of our own) and some older stories still get kudos even if I finished them ages ago. I use to post them on my fanfiction blog here on WordPress but it’s a bit difficult because my stories are quite long. I just can’t seem to write short stories. I plan it to be short but then when I get ideas, they keep on coming.
Before I started this blog I had a few but they didn’t pay off. You know what they say (or William Edward Hickson said), if you don’t first succeed, try try and again. So I did and here I am, still. I also have two on Tumblr but the whole place has gone downhill. I can’t find anything to post there. I had to start the main blog all over again so the old stuff I had there is gone. So no more pics of Tom Hiddleston. Not that I reblogged that very often. Now nothing interesting is coming on the Explore. It’s a place where you can find what is trending and recommendations for you. Since all the old things are gone on my blog the rest is gone too. I reblogged quite a lot but now there’s only boring stuff. I don’t bother searching for things to post myself either. Besides, Tumblr has always been a place for weird stuff. It was fun when I started to use it but now I’m quite bored with it. At least they banned pornographic stuff there. I hated it when people with half-naked photos of themselves started to follow my blog. I’m no prude but my blog wasn’t for people like that. The only thing I post there is this blog post but it’s probably going to deaf ears over there.
I wish I could make easy decisions with other things like I do with writing. I shouldn’t be worried about failing but I still do. With writing it doesn’t matter if I fail because it’s just a hobby but if I fail in life decisions things can go worse. Running out of money or end up on the street. That’s quite a radical example but it could happen. I think that’s one of the reasons why I keep thinking about becoming an entrepreneur or not. It’s easy to think about things in your head but the reality is much harder. I go back and forth with my thoughts but I can’t make a decision. As an unemployed, it’s not easy to start something because if you do, you get in trouble with the job centre. And other things could happen which I won’t get into. Some impatient person would probably be fed up with my indecisiveness already. No one should be hurried with deciding things. You should do them in your own time. Plans take time to fulfil. I wish I would have thought like this when I was younger. It would have saved a lot of time and less stress. Even though I don’t regret my past I wish I could have abandoned some things a bit faster than I did. What done is done.
Here we are, in March and I haven’t accomplished a thing. The only thing I’ve done is school assignments and that interview for the internship. I thought I would have started things in January but I haven’t. I don’t know where my life is going. A stand-still is not an option. Sure it’s still a lot of 2019 left but it feels like I’m missing something. I’m a slow starter but the world seem to be in a hurry. I’m not expecting my life to be excited but it shouldn’t go around in circles either. Other people seem to have this fabulous life with great experiences but I’m like, wonder what time I’m gonna wake up tomorrow. 12 am or 2 pm? Soon I’m too stuck in my ways that I don’t even bother to do anything. It’s not like my life is boring. I do go to places like the movies. Next Thursday I’m gonna see Captain Marvel, for example. I shouldn’t compare my life with others. I just envy people who actually do things to make their dreams come true. I wish I could be braver and less lazy.
There are people who’ve done the impossible. Something someone said to them they couldn’t do. For me, it’s too hard to start anything. I’m not confident enough to do anything drastic. I’m only complaining about how boring my life is when I could actually do something about it. Maybe I should have someone who pushes me out of the door, so to speak. I never do what I plan. The motivation quotes you find on the internet doesn’t help. I agree with them but then I’m just, meh won’t be bothered. Which is totally the wrong attitude. What can you do when you’re afraid of the unknown. It’s difficult to get out of your comfort zone. You know you should get out of it once in a while but something stops you. Maybe it’s the warm and comfortable feeling in your zone. But then again why do you have to leave it? You should do things that make you most comfortable. At least I get out of my flat and that’s an accomplishment itself. I don’t always walk the same street. I go on adventures on my bike in the summer. I can do thing by myself and that’s something some people can’t do. I even travel to Helsinki by myself. So you can’t blame me for staying in my comfort zone. You don’t need to do big things to feel you achieved something.
Even if it is March already, there is still time. You can start a new chapter of your life in January or you can do it in June. It’s more important that you do at least something. Maybe someone wants to be something special in their life. We can’t all have a luxurious life you can brag about on social media. Most of us don’t even want that kind of life. And I don’t mean becoming a celebrity because that’s a totally different world. There is nothing wrong about being ordinary. Do things you like to do and not what people expect you to. I have a goal to achieve and that is getting past the graphic design education I’m on. Not having accomplished a thing this year is not entirely true. I have got through my school assignments with good grades. I’ve also written this blog even if I do other things too. If that isn’t an achievement, I don’t know what it.
Today I graduated from Helsinki Design School in photography. 10 months achievements and this is the proof. Whatever is gonna happen, I did at least something instead of just staying at home and do nothing. I might not become a pro but at least I’ve learned new stuff. That’s what life is about.
Even though we had great teachers who are pro’s, it doesn’t mean I’ve learned to become a better photographer. This diploma might not help to get me a job. There were much better photographers than me. I’m not ever sure I want to become one. I thought I was passionate about photography but during this school I realised, maybe I’m not good enough to do this for a living. Maybe I should just stick being an amateur.
I’m a little disappointed with this school. I didn’t get any motivation from the teachers. I never got the answer if I have what it takes. I also feel it was too Helsinki orientated. For example where you can find internships. Not where I live. It’s a no everywhere. It’s not really motivating when you can’t get any. It was also a lot about studio photography which was indeed interesting but that’s something I don’t want to do. I thought I would become more excited about photography but it was the opposite. Something was missing but I don’t know what it is. Still it was worth the money spent.
All in all. I’m glad I applied for this education and got in. I met some nice people. Unfortunately, I probably won’t see them again. That’s something I don’t cry about. They were just a ship passing by. At least I don’t have to wake up early to travel to Helsinki anymore. Time to enjoy this ‘great’ achievement. Let’s worry about the future tomorrow.