When the anticipation turns to disappointment

crowded sea with different sea life drawing
When you get to a place where you think you’re the only one there, ©Mia Salminen 2020

I’m back to blogging again. Even if it’s has become a short blog post. At least this one is. So the job ended on Monday (October 26) The rest of the contract were holidays. Not the going somewhere kind though. I’m actually relieved I can wake up late again. Going to a job was great but I think I got everything I wanted from there. The contract was shorter because of the coronavirus. I’ve got some more job experience which was one of my goals. If I was offered to continue at the place I wouldn’t have wanted. I really didn’t get things from the job I wanted. The waking up early and going to work was too much to do more than I had to. I was always so tired after work. I really don’t know how someone can have a part-time business while working at a full day job. I was dead tired afterwards and it was only a part-time job. The workplace wasn’t really far but still, it was quite stressful to go there every morning. Even with the bus. I can’t take that for long. Especially when there were days at work where there was nothing to do.

During the job the anticipation was good. I was glad I got something to do. But then it turns to be a bit disappointing. I really didn’t get to do my own things. Things had to be done in a certain way. Written in a certain way and so on. I couldn’t express myself the way I expected. It wasn’t the workplace fault though. It’s just the way workplaces work. I wanted to be more independent but now I had to do what they wanted me to do. I didn’t dare to do anything without asking if I did things right. So the job was good while it lasted but I wouldn’t want to go back to that anymore. It was time to move on. I don’t know what yet but it won’t be searching for a job for a while.

So excited I can hide it

breakdance spinning on his head

When a Finn wins in sport or get excited of something, they don’t show emotion. The anticipation is there but we’re very good at hiding it. Unless there’s alcohol involved. Maybe it’s shyness or we’re taught of not getting too excited. Showing motion is seen as a bad thing. It’s getting better in the younger generation but still you’re not suppose jump up and down if you’re excited about something. If you do, then you’re probably drunk. Even if you’re smiling on the street, you’re seen as a lunatic. Foreigners think Finns are rude because they’re not like other people in the world. But just because you’re not acting exciting, doesn’t mean you’re not. We rejoice inside. We might clap or cheer for a moment but then move on. Our celebrations are more discrete than others. I’ve been in a couple of ice hockey games and the fans are the ones who cheer and make noise. Other viewers there only watch the game and if a goal is made, they might stand up and cheer. But most people only clap and sit still. In our sport events, there won’t be much singing and dancing like in other sports in other countries. It just isn’t common in our culture.

I used to be shy and acted the same way other Finns did at sport events. But as I got older and bolder, I wasn’t worried if someone noticed my excitement. I still wouldn’t cheer if someone else didn’t either. I would never dare to start and give an example to others. In that way I’m still a follower. As long as there’s other people around, I’m not worried about what others think.
I’m going next year to a Robbie Williams concert here in Finland. My first ever real concert I’ve been to. Unless it gets cancelled. I don’t know how I act there. Maybe I will only watch and listen or sing along. Since I never been to a concert with that many people in it, I have no idea how things can go. Finns can be loud when they want to so we’re not that cold inside. We’re not like in some countries where the audience just stands there listening and clap when the song is over. But like I wrote before, if there’s alcohol involved then people sure are more out there.

My excitements usually ends quite quickly. I’m very anticipated about things but when it comes around to it, I lose interest. Like this school I’m going to right now. I was so excited to be there but now it feels like I might not want to do it after all. It’s too hard. There’s a reason why I’m not very fond of studying. Nothing sticks in my head. I wish I could have one skill that I know I can do 100% so I didn’t have to study in school. I should be studying right now but I rather write this post or do something else. I get distracted easily and only want to do things that are fun. That’s always been my problem. I get really excited of something and the next I won’t even bother. If I do something I really like then I get back to it after doing something else. No hobbies of mine have never been a struggle so it’s not a depression. I just like different things and so what if I sometimes prefer doing something else for a change. I could have one hobby and stick with that but that’s not how I am. I love changes and I’m not afraid of it. When I really get anticipated in something, I do it for real.