Here is to hope

rainbow in the horizon
Made in Canva

Maybe I’m being unrealistic but there is always hope no matter how bad things get. If I didn’t have it I would probably not be here today. You need hope to get through with life. If you give up too easily when things get tough, hope will be pointless. I have experienced loss and grief but having hope to move on has helped me get through them. Having too much hope can also make you feel blue when things don’t go the way you want to.

Having so many disappointments can make you bitter but it can also make you look at things differently. I’ve expected too much about the educations I’ve had. I thought I would have at least more work experience but no luck. Educations don’t seem to help anything. Finding a job is the only thing I’ve lost hope for. Only young people seem to get internships. On one workplace they had these young interns and they get to work with real projects. People like that will always get a better chance that I ever will because I lack experience. I feel like a loser because I’m not wanted anywhere. It seems that you’re too old even when you’re under 50. I don’t know what job I’ve good for. Even now when I study graphic design it feels like I’m an amateur. Some people seem to get all these great experiences and I’m still running in circles. Nothing much as changed in 10 years. I don’t even want to look what’s on offer because I know in advance I won’t have a chance. You need 3 or more years of job experience and skills I don’t have. I’ve been stupid for believing education would help to get a job. Internships don’t mean anything. But that’s better than nothing. Some don’t even have that. Still, having studied hasn’t totally been in vain. I’ve learned things I didn’t know about before. Learning new things is good for your mental health.

I hope to find some solution to these dilemmas in life. I don’t want to be someone who gives up hope because of someone else. You should enjoy the small things of hope. For me, music is one form of hope. If I feel down I listen to songs that cheer me up. It’s incredible how effective music is. It takes all the worries away. Here is to hope, cheers. 🍸

Here comes March and I haven’t accomplished a thing

hello march
From Canva

Here we are, in March and I haven’t accomplished a thing. The only thing I’ve done is school assignments and that interview for the internship. I thought I would have started things in January but I haven’t. I don’t know where my life is going. A stand-still is not an option. Sure it’s still a lot of 2019 left but it feels like I’m missing something. I’m a slow starter but the world seem to be in a hurry. I’m not expecting my life to be excited but it shouldn’t go around in circles either. Other people seem to have this fabulous life with great experiences but I’m like, wonder what time I’m gonna wake up tomorrow. 12 am or 2 pm? Soon I’m too stuck in my ways that I don’t even bother to do anything. It’s not like my life is boring. I do go to places like the movies. Next Thursday I’m gonna see Captain Marvel, for example. I shouldn’t compare my life with others. I just envy people who actually do things to make their dreams come true. I wish I could be braver and less lazy.

There are people who’ve done the impossible. Something someone said to them they couldn’t do. For me, it’s too hard to start anything. I’m not confident enough to do anything drastic. I’m only complaining about how boring my life is when I could actually do something about it. Maybe I should have someone who pushes me out of the door, so to speak. I never do what I plan. The motivation quotes you find on the internet doesn’t help. I agree with them but then I’m just, meh won’t be bothered. Which is totally the wrong attitude. What can you do when you’re afraid of the unknown. It’s difficult to get out of your comfort zone. You know you should get out of it once in a while but something stops you. Maybe it’s the warm and comfortable feeling in your zone. But then again why do you have to leave it? You should do things that make you most comfortable. At least I get out of my flat and that’s an accomplishment itself. I don’t always walk the same street. I go on adventures on my bike in the summer. I can do thing by myself and that’s something some people can’t do. I even travel to Helsinki by myself. So you can’t blame me for staying in my comfort zone. You don’t need to do big things to feel you achieved something.

Even if it is March already, there is still time. You can start a new chapter of your life in January or you can do it in June. It’s more important that you do at least something. Maybe someone wants to be something special in their life. We can’t all have a luxurious life you can brag about on social media. Most of us don’t even want that kind of life. And I don’t mean becoming a celebrity because that’s a totally different world. There is nothing wrong about being ordinary. Do things you like to do and not what people expect you to. I have a goal to achieve and that is getting past the graphic design education I’m on. Not having accomplished a thing this year is not entirely true. I have got through my school assignments with good grades. I’ve also written this blog even if I do other things too. If that isn’t an achievement, I don’t know what it.

Like searching a needle in a haystack

needle in a haystack
Made in Canva

Another Monday and another week. That’s how life goes. Tomorrow it’s Tuesday and soon it’s weekend again. What to do during that week is like searching a needle in a haystack. It helps if you got a job or a school to go to. Or you have a family. Then you know what you’re gonna do. But if you have none of those things your life can be a bit boring. You read or hear you can do something about it but does it really work for everyone? Everyone isn’t born with a golden spoon in their mouth. Or have the courage to do just anything. Sometimes things don’t come to you no matter what. One of them is job search or applying to a school. A lot of people fall under the radar because they don’t get anywhere. Especially a young person should have something to do when they graduate from compulsory education. They need someone who can show them in the right direction. A parent or a professional instructor.

I’m very thankful for my mother and my instructor in 9th grade that I applied to something after school. I didn’t want to at first but now years later I’m glad I did apply. It was health care studies that lasted a year. In a way I’m been lucky by getting into these educations I applied for. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t. My resume would look a lot emptier. Unfortunately, my efforts have no value for others. At having done at least something isn’t good enough. You need to be superhuman to get a job it seems. It’s even harder if you’re an introvert. It’s discrimination if you ask me. You need to be outgoing, talkative and over positive. There is still a lot of myths about introverts that extroverts believe in. You would think in a country like Finland, an introvert would have it easier but it’s not. There’s a lot of assuming. People think you’re quiet all the time just because you gave short answers in a job interview or that you’re not talkative as soon as you meet a new person. The word anti-social should be taken out of the dictionary. It’s should be called selectively social. People who are on their phones are the ones who are anti-social. Some people don’t seem to understand that social doesn’t mean talkative. We can all be talkative if it’s a subject we know something about or have an opinion about. Being social is overrated. An introvert might be quiet but we’re not deaf. Multitasking is a skill that some people can’t master. So I think one of the reasons I’m not hired is because I’m an introvert. There can be other reasons too though.

What is also searching for a needle in a haystack is what to do for a living. I looked for that for years. I wish I could have known much earlier but no can do. I know now but I lack job experience. Why do people say how important education is? You don’t get a job like that. You need job experience. It’s easier if you’re in your 20’s but if you change careers at 40 something you don’t get anything. If you do you need luck and lots of it. Some people get burnouts from too much working and some can’t even find a job. It doesn’t make any sense but that’s life. For me, work isn’t the most important thing. Earning your own money is nice but that doesn’t bring you happiness. Doing what makes you most comfortable is. I rather have that then trying to be something I’m not just because the society expects me to. It will never happen so you better accept it.