I’m tired of being the underdog of everything and never winning is not much you want to percussive the drum for.
Tag: boring life
No droll allowed
There are days when you don’t feel like to be droll. You just wish the day would end so you can go to bed and wish for a better day. For people who suffer from depression, that feeling won’t go away that easily. I’m never been depressed so I can’t really know how it feels. I’ve felt down but the next day everything is fine again.
I don’t what it is. Maybe it’s because it’s Autumn and it gets dark at 4 pm or even earlier. But today it’s one of those days that feels like I’m the most boring person in the world. Everyone else has a wonderful life but I’m all alone with my misery. I haven’t felt down in the Autumn before so maybe it has to do with age. Darkness didn’t bother me before. A lot of Finns travel abroad to a warmer climate but that’s not what I need. I can take the cold and all that. This feeling I have is just passing. Watching comedies and listen to music lift up my spirit. Also watching movies makes me feel better.
I’m a serious person and I don’t know any jokes. I like laughing but I rather let some else being the funny one. I have a sense of humour and I can laugh at myself. But mostly I take myself seriously which leads to feeling down. I feel useless and even if I don’t want to, I compare myself to others. I know I should be happy with what I got but still, I wish there was more. A lot of things could be better and one of them is work experience.
I wrote about that job I applied for in this post. Well, they called to me the next day and they made an inquiry. I wasn’t fully prepared for the questions but I handle it alright. They wanted someone with experience. But as usual, I don’t think they get back to me. That’s a downer. You need experience to get experience. The working world is weird. You’re never good enough. It’s easy to say to another person, you’ll get your chance. But that’s like saying to a single person, ‘you’ll meet someone too” They never happen and if they do, it happens someone else. When life kicks you in the head, it’s difficult to be droll.
Looking on the bright side, living the life is for the living and we should live it the way we see fit. Giving up is not an option. I got this far so why stop now? I haven’t given up hope even if things are quiet right now. As long as I keep my feet on the ground, anything is possible.
In his deep blue swimming pool
I have all these thoughts that simmer in my mind about what I want to do in life. It’s a deep blue pool but I don’t seem to find a lifebelt to save me from drowning. When I do get an idea out there, it seems to disappear into outer space with the rest of them. It’s difficult to stay positive when life gives you sour grapes. I keep searching for something but I don’t know what it really is. I used to have doubts about this blog too. I didn’t think it would get this far but I didn’t give up. People have found it even if it did take about 4 years or so. At least it feels that long. I wish I could be as patient as I have been with blogging. It feels like my life is getting shorter and I don’t have time to do anything before I leave this earth. But it’s not the end. I still have at least 30 years left of working years.
My life hasn’t been the way I expected it to be. I thought I would have a career by now but it’s not even close. I have no special goals and I have no ambition. People at a young age know what they want to do and they get to a position where they get experience. There’s a lot of younger people than myself who works in web design and they’ve come much further because they started when they were in their 20’s. I’m not even sure now if I really want to be a web designer. It felt like a good idea earlier in the year but now my uncertainty has come back. Maybe I’m just afraid to start anything. Now I don’t have a teacher to help me. Everything seems easy in my head but when the time comes to do something, I back off. I wrote about the life after web design education in my other blog so I don’t want to repeat things.
You might think only ordinary people have problems getting started but it can happen to anyone. Even the most obvious ones. For example, you would think someone like Tom Hiddleston would have got movie roles easily but it isn’t so. They say he wasn’t made for the big screen and that he wouldn’t get roles in blockbuster movies. Or something like that. If he had given up a movie career, it would have been a great loss for all of us who like him. No one has said to me I can’t do it but I can imagine how it would feel like. When I hear stories like that, it gives me motivation to not give up. If I only had the courage to do something instead of complaining about how difficult things are. Maybe they’re not at all but my subconscious is holding me back. I got through difficult times before and I conquered them all. What I plan to do next shouldn’t be impossible. It might simmer but not boiling over. I need to stay grounded and better things will follow.
In my world 