No droll allowed

miniature clown with dog

There are days when you don’t feel like to be droll. You just wish the day would end so you can go to bed and wish for a better day. For people who suffer from depression, that feeling won’t go away that easily. I’m never been depressed so I can’t really know how it feels. I’ve felt down but the next day everything is fine again.

I don’t what it is. Maybe it’s because it’s Autumn and it gets dark at 4 pm or even earlier. But today it’s one of those days that feels like I’m the most boring person in the world. Everyone else has a wonderful life but I’m all alone with my misery. I haven’t felt down in the Autumn before so maybe it has to do with age. Darkness didn’t bother me before. A lot of Finns travel abroad to a warmer climate but that’s not what I need. I can take the cold and all that. This feeling I have is just passing. Watching comedies and listen to music lift up my spirit. Also watching movies makes me feel better.

I’m a serious person and I don’t know any jokes. I like laughing but I rather let some else being the funny one. I have a sense of humour and I can laugh at myself. But mostly I take myself seriously which leads to feeling down. I feel useless and even if I don’t want to, I compare myself to others. I know I should be happy with what I got but still, I wish there was more. A lot of things could be better and one of them is work experience.

I wrote about that job I applied for in this post. Well, they called to me the next day and they made an inquiry. I wasn’t fully prepared for the questions but I handle it alright. They wanted someone with experience. But as usual, I don’t think they get back to me. That’s a downer. You need experience to get experience. The working world is weird. You’re never good enough. It’s easy to say to another person, you’ll get your chance. But that’s like saying to a single person, ‘you’ll meet someone too” They never happen and if they do, it happens someone else. When life kicks you in the head, it’s difficult to be droll.

Looking on the bright side, living the life is for the living and we should live it the way we see fit. Giving up is not an option. I got this far so why stop now? I haven’t given up hope even if things are quiet right now. As long as I keep my feet on the ground, anything is possible.

2 thoughts on “No droll allowed

I know you're there. Why do you linger in the shadows?

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