Bucket without a list

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What makes you nervous?

Daily Prompt

A lot of people have bucket lists. Things to do before 30, 40 or 50. But I have a bucket without a list. I don’t like to plan ahead. It doesn’t matter if I don’t achieve something at some age. Certain things you can’t plan. You don’t need to do them until a certain age. I didn’t think I would ever go to a concert when I was a teenager, but now I have been to several. Two more this summer. I didn’t think I would get a driver’s license, either. Life is full of surprises. If you haven’t achieved something at 30, you can do it before 40 etc. So, what if you don’t achieve them at all. Bucket lists aren’t rules you must follow or something will happen to you if you don’t.

One thing that could be on a bucket list, but it won’t, is talking on the phone with strangers. It makes me nervous. I can never call an employer. If someone says I should call one, I get terrified. I had to call once and was so nervous; it took hours to pick up the courage. I hate that feeling and do anything I don’t need to call anyone. Writing an email is easier because the risk of screwing up is minimal. You should not force an introvert to make a phone call. It’s easier to talk to someone you know. It’s calling a stranger where the problem lies. I have blocked unknown numbers on my phone because I don’t want to talk to strangers.

I don’t think I ever get over the dislike for needles. Blood tests make me nervous. That’s one of the reasons why I can’t donate blood. I can’t get a tattoo, either. I wouldn’t want one anyway. Injections are OK because it’s over in moments. Unless you need to get them a lot, as I did once. In 1994 had endoscopic surgery for my knee. I had to wait a few days for it, so they gave me injections in my stomach. I don’t remember why. It was something about not getting blood clots because I had to stay in bed. The injections made me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t want them at all. Needles cause me anxiety. Even if I use a needle to mend something, I’m always worried I’ll stick myself. Anything sharp makes me nervous.

Face your fear, but I don’t want to face a fear that makes me nervous. I prefer not to do things that make me feel like that. I never want to make speeches or presentations. I don’t like people looking at me. I want to get out of that situation as fast as possible when I’m nervous. I rush things, and it’s ruined. If it’s a presentation where I stand alone, I only get nervous when it’s my turn and not before. Things look easy in my head, but the reality isn’t. Avoiding unpleasant things is easier, and I don’t want to put them on a bucket list.

Day 2: Too expensive bucket list

bucket_plus_listPeople keep this something called bucket list. Never really understood what it is. I never plan ahead. I don’t have any special goals. I wouldn’t care less if I didn’t experience things before 30, 40 or any other age. If I had a list, my goals would be too expensive to do anyway. Other thing is not being brave enough to do them. A bucket list doesn’t need to be something that costs money. But in my bucket list they are. So what are they, you ask.

Here are top 5

  1. Travel by plane
  2. See an NHL ice hockey match in Canada
  3. Go to Paris
  4. Be part in a real movie production
  5. ?


  • 1. I’ve written about this before on this blog. I’ve never been on a plane, honest. I’ve always travelled other ways. I don’t know how it would feel to be in one. It’s also expensive to travel this way. At least I save the environment by not flying.
  • 2. I don’t actually follow NHL. I love ice hockey and it would be great to see a game. Feel the atmosphere. How the fans react in the big world. I especially want to experience that. That’s something you don’t see here in Finland. Some fans make sounds and cheer but the rest only watch a game and then go home. It’s totally different over there.
  • 3. My parents have been in Paris when they were young. We have travelled in Europe but not there. I don’t speak French so English would be the only language I could use. Would be nice though to learn. I would love to see the Eiffel Tower, sit in a café watching people walk by and just walk around. This is something I could actually do if I had the money. Maybe one day.
  • 4. I have made a short film in school and studied screen play writing. Would be nice to be in a real film production. It’s fun but hard work. I wouldn’t want to be in the movie itself. I don’t even have to work. Just to be there for a day or two to see how it’s done. After seeing the behind the scenes on DVD in both Lord of the rings and The Hobbit, I wanted to be in  one even more.
  • 5. This is quite a dilemma. It could be something travelling or it could be meeting a person I admire. I’ve actually already met one, the ski jumper Janne Ahonen. The meeting was short but still.
    While I wrote this part, there’s actually one thing. Seeing a Formula One race. I’m not much into that anymore but still that would be one thing I could do if I had the money. It could also be some other motor sport event but I won’t get into that.