Curious me

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Learning new things is part of life. You need to be curious, or it will get you bored. You need to be motivated to learn, or it will all be useless. Sometimes learning is so hard you want to give up. I have now had 4 driving lessons, but it seems I’m still not ready for the driving test. In the 2nd lesson, I remembered why I didn’t finish it the first time. There is so much to think about. I actually dread the lessons a bit because I’m afraid to make a mistake. I thought I’m a fast learner, but not when it comes to driving a car. The biggest problem is changing gears. All my energy goes to that. Then there is the pressure from other drivers on the road. It feels like I never learn. At least I’m a bit better. I need to learn the gears better so I can think about other things. One lesson left, but I think the teacher will suggest some more. It was 26 years ago, the last time I drove a car, it takes time to learn again.

Being curious about learning new things hasn’t made my life any better. I’m still unemployed, and I’m turning 44 in June. Apparently, 40-year-olds don’t learn new things anymore. That’s not the reason I haven’t got hired, though. It’s the lack of experience. Maybe I’m not good enough. It’s silly to switch careers when you haven’t even been in the current one. Why would I want to switch when I have finally decided what I want to do? I don’t know what I could do. No matter what I study, I still won’t get a job. Whenever I search for a job, it always requires experience. I have no chance to get any because someone will always have more. I like to learn, so I still do no matter what. It’s the curious me that want to continue. I do it for myself and my own mental health. It’s good for the mind to study things. No one is perfect in anything. Unless you’re a superhuman which I think no one is. Learning new things is not enough. Also, knowing how to do things better. Learning a new computer program and then get better at it, that’s what pays for your efforts.

I used to dislike Adobe Illustrator, but after studied web design, I learned to like it. Our teacher was very good at teaching it, so that must be it. Now I use it daily. I’m still learning it on Behance. You always learn something new every time. Practice makes you better, and you get used to things. But only if you’re motivated. If you’re not curious enough, nothing will make you want to continue. You can’t force yourself to do things that don’t interest you. There are things I want to learn, but I don’t have enough patience to do it. I don’t like difficult things. There isn’t enough time to learn a lot of things. The brain doesn’t have enough memory capacity to handle so much information. Only concentrating on learning what interests you and focus on becoming better at it is more important. I want to learn a lot of different things, because I get bored otherwise. That’s what the curious me want to do.

My great expectations

hepatica

I’m my worst critic. I’ve never completely satisfied with the things I do. You don’t see it on the outside. It’s a constant struggle. I’m too modest and I expect too much. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve studied different things. I get excited of one thing and when I see it wasn’t what I expected, I move on to the next one. Sometimes I wish I was more adventurous so I could stick to one subject for a longer time. I’m like a kid lost in the supermarket. There’s so many things I like but I can’t find what I’m really looking for. Everything looks good but then my great expectations kicks in and I get lost again. It’s easy to know what you don’t want.

There are a lot of different advice how to find your niche online. But it’s easier said than done. At least for me. If it’s finding a career you want to have or what you’re blog is gonna be about. It has taken a lot of time for me to find it. A lot of other people in my age already have a career and a family. I’ve been stuck in a rut and it doesn’t help I’m getting older each year. The closer I get to be something, I fail. The consolations are that there are a lot of people who had found their niche in an older age. You don’t need to be 30 and have everything figured out. You should also never compare your life to others. We all walk different paths. Our views change too. The people I knew when I was in school, probably doesn’t have anything in common with me anymore. I wouldn’t even want to find out what they do these days. Their not part of me anymore, if they never did. I don’t expect them to care either. I rather meet new people than stay in touch with the old ones.

I know in what kind of environment I want to work in and with what kind of people. If I could I would rather be by myself without having to go anywhere. But then again I want to have people around from time to time. It’s a bit of this and bit of that. Being indecisive is no picnic. I really envy those who know what they want. I’m no go getter, I’m the one who prefer being in the background. I’m too lazy to work hard.
That’s what I’ve noticed while studying. There are a lot of work to be done before this education is over and I haven’t even started yet. It feels to overwhelming and it shouldn’t be so difficult. Quite a few of other students in my class have quit for whatever reason. But I’ve come this far and I’m not about to give up. I should really get a grip of myself, like my mother used to say. I should find a client for the next on the job learning but I haven’t even thought about it. I thought I had so much time but it’s getting closer. Actually I thought there was much more time to do any of the assignment we got. I’ve just been to busy doing other things. One thing I’ve at least done, was getting an own domain and a web hosting service where I can make my portfolio website. At least I’ve done something.

Maybe I finally find my niche in web design. At least I don’t feel mentally bored. I actually quite enjoyed what I’ve learned and working with a client (even if it was through email) It wasn’t easy because of the coding stuff and I got a fed up but I managed to make the client satisfied. I don’t know if web design will become my job but I know I don’t want to be unemployed when I graduate. Web design is not only designing websites, you also get to do other creative stuff. I get to exploit my past education so it hasn’t all been in vain. I hope this is not one of my great expectations because I don’t want to be disappointed in myself again. I really need to jump off the spinning wheel. The sooner, the better.