My great expectations


I’m my worst critic. I’ve never completely satisfied with the things I do. You don’t see it on the outside. It’s a constant struggle. I’m too modest and I expect too much. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve studied different things. I get excited of one thing and when I see it wasn’t what I expected, I move on to the next one. Sometimes I wish I was more adventurous so I could stick to one subject for a longer time. I’m like a kid lost in the supermarket. There’s so many things I like but I can’t find what I’m really looking for. Everything looks good but then my great expectations kicks in and I get lost again. It’s easy to know what you don’t want.

There are a lot of different advice how to find your niche online. But it’s easier said than done. At least for me. If it’s finding a career you want to have or what you’re blog is gonna be about. It has taken a lot of time for me to find it. A lot of other people in my age already have a career and a family. I’ve been stuck in a rut and it doesn’t help I’m getting older each year. The closer I get to be something, I fail. The consolations are that there are a lot of people who had found their niche in an older age. You don’t need to be 30 and have everything figured out. You should also never compare your life to others. We all walk different paths. Our views change too. The people I knew when I was in school, probably doesn’t have anything in common with me anymore. I wouldn’t even want to find out what they do these days. Their not part of me anymore, if they never did. I don’t expect them to care either. I rather meet new people than stay in touch with the old ones.

I know in what kind of environment I want to work in and with what kind of people. If I could I would rather be by myself without having to go anywhere. But then again I want to have people around from time to time. It’s a bit of this and bit of that. Being indecisive is no picnic. I really envy those who know what they want. I’m no go getter, I’m the one who prefer being in the background. I’m too lazy to work hard.
That’s what I’ve noticed while studying. There are a lot of work to be done before this education is over and I haven’t even started yet. It feels to overwhelming and it shouldn’t be so difficult. Quite a few of other students in my class have quit for whatever reason. But I’ve come this far and I’m not about to give up. I should really get a grip of myself, like my mother used to say. I should find a client for the next on the job learning but I haven’t even thought about it. I thought I had so much time but it’s getting closer. Actually I thought there was much more time to do any of the assignment we got. I’ve just been to busy doing other things. One thing I’ve at least done, was getting an own domain and a web hosting service where I can make my portfolio website. At least I’ve done something.

Maybe I finally find my niche in web design. At least I don’t feel mentally bored. I actually quite enjoyed what I’ve learned and working with a client (even if it was through email) It wasn’t easy because of the coding stuff and I got a fed up but I managed to make the client satisfied. I don’t know if web design will become my job but I know I don’t want to be unemployed when I graduate. Web design is not only designing websites, you also get to do other creative stuff. I get to exploit my past education so it hasn’t all been in vain. I hope this is not one of my great expectations because I don’t want to be disappointed in myself again. I really need to jump off the spinning wheel. The sooner, the better.


Older but not ancient


Looking for a job is much harder today than it was before. There’s so many young hopefuls who wants to become something. But without experience, its more difficult to get anything. But how to get experience if no one wants to give you a chance. Even if you do have experience, it’s still difficult. You’re either too young or too old. I think employers have too many high expectations on how an employee should be but in a way its quite understanding. No one really wants to take risks to hire people. If its money issues or something else. But if no one wants to give you a job no matter what education you have, how will this society succeed?!

When I look online where these 19 something are searching for internships and they have all these skills, I feel ancient. These are the hopefuls I mentioned at the start of this post. They all say they’re eager to learn and so on. But what about people with experience, aren’t they eager to learn? Just because they’re in certain age doesn’t meant they can’t learn something new. They’re older, not ancient.
I have never had a paid job. My career has never really started. But there are older people who got success at an older age. There are for example many actors who got they’re big break at 40 something. Not everybody has to have a career at 20. Besides it’s not old, it’s experienced. Some look at age too closely. That’s doesn’t make a person. It’s how they behave. There are older people who act like teenagers but there’s also teens who act like they’re older. It’s how you feel inside and not when you’re born. A person can have a lot of experience but when an employer sees the applicants age, they put their files in the bottom of the pile. It shouldn’t happen but it does.

Age discrimination is too common these days. I haven’t experienced it personally but I wouldn’t be surprised if it had happened. My mother used to say when you turn 40, it’s harder to get a job and she must be right. Revealing my age here, I am getting close to that age and it does worry me. I’m worried that I won’t get any luck even with this web designer education  I’m going through. What I know now about web design, I’m still a novice. There are a lot of people who can do more than I do and they’re younger. It’s a lot about practise. They more you do it, more it becomes natural. It has nothing to do with age. It might take longer to learn than for a younger person. But an older person have more life experience and that should count for something.

So say no to age discrimination. We’re older and not ancient, there’s a difference.